I love IKEA. Kinda.

Did I mention my mattress bargain? When the emotionally fragile sister moved out, she took her bed with her of course. The crippled lesbian scanned the second hand websites and found a super king size Ikea mattress Which was £200 new. For £80, I got the mattress, a mattress topper and a bed linen set thanks to her bargaining skills. It's possibly the comfiest mattress I have ever slept on. But I grew tired of sleeping on the floor with it and thanks to a local service who will go to Ikea for you and deliver the stuff to your door, I ordered (among other things) a bedframe from them.

Not being a DIY expert (anyone shocked by that? Thought not), I was not looking forward to putting it together. So I am relieved when it arrives that it's simple to do and not terribly heavy either. The mattress, on the other hand, weighs a fucking ton, and hefting that thing out of my room to put the bed together and then back on to the bed is no easy task. Anyway, as a super king size bed is the size of two single beds pushed together, Ikea's genius idea for a bed base is to give you a midbeam and two single wooden slatted bed bases. Fine. The midbeam is galvanized steel and very very sturdy but it slots into the bed frame in the flimsiest way imaginable. After putting it all together and running out to the supermarket to get light bulbs for all the lamps we bought and some lunch, I get home and settle on to the bed for an afternoon with Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay. Only, as I sit down on the bed to take my shoes off, the midbeam flips out of the bed frame, the bed bases fall through and one of the ribbons holding all the slats together rips. Awesome.

So, denied my lazy afternoon in the Special Victims Unit, I have to heft the world's heaviest mattress out of my room again and deconstruct the bed frame all over again. Crippled lesbian has the genius idea of securing the midbeam to the bed frame with some wire. I do that and it's as secure as secure can be. Bed base freshly glued back together, the bed is reconstructed and, much later than originally planned, I get my lazy afternoon, only now it's more early evening. Next day I feel like I rowed to France or something, which is really tragic of me, isn't it? But hey, that mattress is heavy! The bed is holding up very well, the crippled lesbian and I have had a fair few evenings lazing around on it watching TV and I also had some reasonably athletic and very very satisfying sex on it. If that didn't break it, hopefully nothing will. On a bed frame, the mattress seems even firmer and comfier than when it was on the floor which is an added bonus as I didn't think that was possible. Anyway without further ado, here's a pic of the finished article.



Pretty isn't it? Well that's all for now. Busy day ahead, there's some gravity that like totally needs defying.