The 2007 Cinema Hall Of Shame

1.

There were many films vying for the top spot on this list, but Next is in a class all its own. The goodwill that Nicolas Cage amassed in Leaving Las Vegas has long since run out (he's been running on empty, pretty much, since Windtalkers) and casting 12 year old Jessica Biel as his love interest is really truly the final nail in his coffin. But more pressing, what the hell is Julianne Moore doing here? Can NONE of these people read? A stupid premise, a horrible script and the worst "Bobby Ewing in the shower" cop out ending since Identity this is an embarrassment for everyone concerned.

2.

I have already had my say about this travesty.

3.

And this one.

4.

Wow, this was bad. A punishing running time (just 12 minutes shy of THREE HOURS), an incomprehensible plot that was, literally, all over the place, some horrible horrible horrible jokes and some equally poor performances. Please god there won't be another installment.

5.

A statement I could repeat here. The first installment was actually enjoyable, or at least I thought it was. I was looking forward to this sequel, the trailer was all dark and exciting and the interviews from the director leading up to the release acknowledged that the first one had its shortcomings, not least that it was pitched at slightly too young a crowd, errors that would be addressed this time around. And a lot of the reviews noted that this was an improvement on 2005's freshman effort. Well all that did was set up a Galactus sized disappointment. If anything, this film was pitched even younger, with atrocious fart gag level humour and an offensively simplistic plot. A mercifully short running time of just 92 minutes felt so so so much longer.

6.

While we're on the subject of short films that feel much longer, this little baby clocks in at a mere 86 minutes. Felt like a lifetime. How could it go so wrong? Well, let's start with Harold fucking Pinter who delivered the most inelegant, cloth eared, blunt edged travesty of a screenplay. And then move on to Branagh whose solution to shooting a two hander with one set was to have about 800 different camera angles for each scene, some of them provided by CCTV. Oooh, how up to date. Then there's the oversights like Michael Caine apparently being able to control every whizzy gizmo in his painfully modern house with the remote control that comes with the Apple iBook (there's even a close up with the Apple logo visible just to ensure there's no remaining doubt). I haven't even gotten to the performances yet. How Michael Caine has been getting away with for over 50 years now is a real mystery to me. And dear Jude Law, how you had it all for the taking after Talented Mr Ripley. And how you buggered it all up.

7.

One of two films that has received almost universal acclaim to open this year that I feel like I missed the point of (the other, which didn't make either list, is Todd Haynes's I'm Not There which I sporadically enjoyed but it is nowhere near the masterpiece it thinks it is). I should have learned my lesson after Elephant. I should have listened to my friend Lottie who warned me this film was bad. But I still went into it thinking that surely all the good reviews must count for something. Ha! A non professional cast recruited from MySpace (none of whom can actually act, something that a lot of reviewers found "endearing", while I would opt for "embarrassing" and "painful to watch"), it's frustrating that it takes what could have been an interesting film and buries it in pretentious tedious wank. Apparently, Gus Van Sant was too busy indulging himself to notice one of the worst continuity errors I have ever seen. There's big fat spoilers coming up for anyone who wants to see the movie and hasn't yet. So in the pivotal sequence where Alex causes the accidental death of the security guard, he pushes him and he falls on his back, his torso on the train tracks, his legs hanging off the tracks. The train comes along and severs him in two. In the next shot, a horrified Alex looks on as the severed top half of the guard drags itself, belly down, leaves his legs ON THE TRAIN TRACKS, as it pulls itself towards Alex. Well, he was not alone in being horrified. I was slack jawed with disbelief at just how terrible this scene was that I burst out laughing. Not the reaction Van Sant was hoping for, I'm sure.

8.

The best thing about Hannibal Lecter was that so little was known about him before he makes his first appearance in the fiction world, in Red Dragon. There were hints here and there and hopefully like all good authors, Thomas Harris knew the back story of how one of literature's most memorable monsters came to be. And really, that should have been enough. He didn't need to share it with the world, and he certainly didn't need to do it in such a poorly written piece of crap like Hannibal Rising. So it's no surprise that the inevitable film adaptation (the script was written pretty much in tandem with the novel) would also be a big pile of suck too. Harris wrote them both so he only has himself to blame. Every last drop of creativity has now been wrung out of the Lecter franchise. I hope.

9.

In which Jim Carrey took the career points he'd earned with Eternal Sunshine and pissed them up a wall, while Joel Schumacher showed once again that Tigerland really was a fluke. An initially intriguing idea, this just doesn't know where to go with it and flounders around in a quagmire of ridiculousness before finally collapsing in on itself with a laughable third act. Almost as laughable as casting the not very good Rhona Mitra, who is 32 and looks every day of it, as someone almost a decade younger than that.

10.

This sounds like it could be the most relentlessly terrifying movie ever. A bunch of vicious vampires descend on an Alaskan town and have a whole month of darkness to play with. But sadly, the terror never comes. A lack of back story for everyone except Josh Hartnett and Melissa George meant I didn't care who ended up with their claret all over the lino. More of an issue was that I found George so irritating I found myself wishing for her to find herself on the wrong end of a bloodletting. Quickfire editing continually destroyed what should have been unbearable tension until the film became just so much gore. And gore is a whole different matter. It's not scary, it's just bloody. And the ending felt tacked on out of nowhere to boot. A gigantic missed opportunity.

The 2007 Cinema Hall Of Fame

1.

Aka La Vie En Rose. It is a testament to how poor a cinema year the UK experienced in 2007 that a film I have a few minor quibbles with should be my number one film. I am not certain that a chronological jumbling was a wise idea and there were a couple of other directorial flourishes that I didn't think really sat well with the film. However, said quibbles fade into nothingness when Marion Cotillard is taken into account. Her performance is absolutely extraordinary. She so embodies Piaf that it is as if there are four different actresses in the role. It's the performance of the decade, in any medium, by anybody.

2.

This was a truly unexpected treat. A distinctly American novel transported to France, adapted and directed by the guy who Virginie Ledoyen dumped in The Beach? How on earth is that going to be good? Well, it's more than good. It's a taut, gripping, atmospheric thriller which, if it were adapted from better source material, would probably have eclipsed Rose for film of the year. Unfortunately, the novel's reach somewhat exceeds its grasp and the screenplay is a little too faithful to it. Up to the overextended ending though, this film is relentless in its grip.

3.

This film has had its UK release indefinitely postponed due to similarity with the Madeleine McCann disappearance which is why I made the point of seeing it while I was on holiday in New York. One of Pajiba's twelve best films you didn't see in 2007, I echo their sentiment that is a real shame this film was so ignored. It seems poor Ben Affleck can do no right, even when he is behind the camera. Damn you, Jennifer Lopez. I really hope this has its day when it makes it to DVD because otherwise one of the best directorial debuts in recent times will have been unjustly dismissed. A great script that manages to be a crime thriller and pose difficult moral questions (refreshingly not giving an easy answer), this also has some outstanding performances in it too. Amy Ryan was critically lauded at the time and is starting to see nominations coming her way. But Casey Affleck is every bit as watchable as she is, in a fantastically understated way. Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman bring the gravitas but it's the locations and the extras that add the veritas.

4.

I am as surprised as anybody that this film made the list at all, let alone as high as it did. I think it's because I never in a million years expected the film to be any good. In fact, I was so uninterested in the movie version of the musical of the movie (apparently now called movicals) that when I sat down to watch it a few days after it opened, I realised that beyond the casting, I didn't know a damn thing about what had been altered for the stage to screen transition. It was the casting that caused my lack of interest. As soon as John Travolta was cast, I gave up hope. Well I was wrong. He is great, quite clearly having the time of his life with the role and everybody else in the cast does a bang up job too (biggest surprise? James Marsden). A joyful and life affirming film that made me weep tears of happiness. Several times.

5.

How do you make an interesting movie out of a true story that doesn't really have an ending? Well, if you watch Zodiac, you will find out. Intertwining three strands of plot, each with a strong performance at its centre (from Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr and Mark Ruffalo) ensured the film never sagged. Unflinching and unsettling recreations of the Zodiac killer's crimes made sure the audience cared as much as the characters did. Never less than engrossing, this also has the most intense and suspenseful scene of the year in it, when Jake Gyllenhaal pays a visit to someone who it turns out might just be the killer.

6.

Another unexpected treat. I really hated the book and my distaste for Keira Knightley is well documented. She's ideally cast as a brittle upper class girl though so it kind of worked. What worked far better was the elegant adaptation and the flawless direction (the rightly celebrated tracking shot on Dunkirk beach is wondrous). And it's pleasing that the supremely talented James McAvoy is being noticed, having been overshadowed by Forest Whitaker this time last year.

7.

I was not pleased when this film beat out Pan's Labyrinth for the Oscar. Well, I take that back. It's not a fun or easy film to watch but it is a riveting and sometimes unbelievable one (and of course, the parts you can't believe are all true). Telling the story of the Stasi through one target and the operative who is assigned to him made an impossibly huge story intimate and personal. Anyone who was dry eyed in the heartbreaking last few minutes has no soul.

8.

Emile Hirsch has been proving himself as one to watch for quite a while now and with this film, hopefully people will start watching (and hopefully for reasons other than the fleeting glimpse of his cock in a nude scene). The story of Chris McCandless, who rejected society to live off the map and died for it, is an endlessly fascinating one and so is the film that tells his story. Graceful direction and a refreshingly unpretentious adaptation of the book, this is another overlooked film of last year that deserves to be seen by far more people than it was.

9.

Crazy title, glorious film. As beautiful to look at as it was fascinating to watch, this film could have been the most tedious pile of shit in different hands. But somehow it works and it works well. It has a host of good performances contained in it, but there is one truly outstanding performance on show here. Casey Affleck, as the titular coward, is absolutely unfuckingbelievably amazing. I have been a fan since American Pie and pledged my undying love after seeing him on stage in This Is Our Youth in 2002. He's seriously talented and he is this film's rock and anchor. If only for him, see it.

10.

What? So I have an inner child, so what? I unashamedly and unabashedly love Disney animated movies (but not blindly. Pocahontas? Fuck off.) so when I heard about this I thought it was the best idea ever, couldn't think why it hadn't been thought of before. To make the utterly insane plot work, the performances have to be spot on. And they are. Amy Adams, James Marsden and Patrick Dempsey are all pitch perfect with how they handle their roles. The script is sweet, funny, charming and cute (but not cloying or cutesy). The big musical number in Central Park is just one of many many highlights. I loved it. I laughed, I cried. I laughed again and then cried some more.

Homosexuality Reality Checks

Now, there is no denying the fact that I have a touch of the gay about me but there are moments when I am reminded in glorious technicolour. And I don't mean when I'm getting it on with another guy or watching porn or anything, but when something happens or I do something that reminds me, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am undeniably GAY.

Such a reality check happened to me just the other day. I bought the double CD of Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall and loaded it on to my iPod and was listening to it walking to and from work. When it got to the medley of "You Made Me Love You/Me & My Gal/The Trolley Song", there was something so glorious about his rendition of the latter song, that it made me get all tearful. On the street. So there I was, listening to a gay man performing the signature song of THE gay icon and it made me all weepy. And I just thought to myself, "wow you are such a FAG!"

January Blues

January is so not a fun month. Today I, like gazillions of others, will be returning to work after the festive period. I also was at work 27th-28th December, but that doesn't really count. Now there's a long stretch of cold dark mornings and long dull workdays ahead. So to shed some light into that murk, here is January's naked farmer.

Hot Guy Monday, Year End French Edition: Louis Garrel

I first discovered Louis Garrel in The Dreamers, a film that I love which just happens to be chock full of male nudity. Believe it or not the two facts are unrelated, I honestly love the movie so much that if there were no nudity, that wouldn't change. I even don't mind that the plot point of his character having sex with Michael Pitt's character was removed. Anyway, I digress. I saw his latest movie Chansons D'Amour yesterday and it reminded me of both how ridiculously beautiful he is and also of how fantastically talented he is.







Oddly, in stills he is about 70% less hot, something about the way he moves and speaks really ratchets up the sexy. But still, these pics are teribly easy on the eye and a nice way to bid 2007 a fond farewell.

Hot Guy Monday: David Boreanaz

It's Christmas so I bring you an Angel. Ok, horrible puns aside, I do love me some David Boreanaz. I thought he was hot as all get out on Buffy, I loved him on Angel and currently he is the best thing about the surprisingly brilliant and consistently strong Bones. His chemistry with Emily Deschanel is off the chart and he's clearly having so much fun in the show. Love him. And look, see, he's really hot too.







But I also love him for being a more risk taking actor than he's really given credit for. The upcoming Suffering Man's Charity sees him tied to a chair in bondage gear and christmas tree lights and abused by Alan Cumming. See?



But if there were any doubt left, then a recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show over here sealed the deal. Don't believe me? Start watching the clip below at the 1:20 mark for his reaction to and then demonstration of his dancing on the set of Bones. He's just adorable.

Secret Santa

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have a new job. I only started there in September. We did Secret Santa on Friday and this was what I got:



I think it's safe to assume that in three months, they got to know me pretty well, no? So I thought I would share each naked farmer of 2008 with the blog at the start of their respective months. Prepare yourselves.

Two unrelated musings

Firstly, I have never had what you could really call a good taste in music. My ex flatmate used to describe it as "wailing women" and generally she had a point. But I have been tricked into liking songs by artists I unequivocally loathe or at least should know better than to like. This happens when I hear a song on the radio and then the announcer is all "that's the new song from Avril Lavigne" and I'm like "fuck".

It happened the other night. I was watching an episode of Without A Trace, the episode started with an artist who photographs people without their knowledge and then turns them into paintings going missing. Her exit was accompanied by a rock song that caught my attention and I really liked it. So much so that I went to IMDb and looked up the episode to see if they had a song credit listed. They did. It was "The Kill" by 30 Seconds To Mars. Yes. Seriously. Apparently I'm an emo kid who loves Jared Leto.

Secondly, I don't know if I have blogged about it, but I have a new job. I am currently going through phases of loving and hating it. I am sort of in between the two peaks at this precise moment. The job is so full on intense that Christmas has almost arrived without me really noticing (I mean, how the fuck did it get to be almost 2008? What the hell?). But walking to work this morning, I had a realisation that this week is my last five day working week until 21st January. Next week is Christmas, the week after that I have New Years Eve and New Year's Day off. The week after that, I have Friday 11th off as I am flying out to Tenerife to see the parents for nine days. And whatever I may think of my job, realising that made me VERY happy, I can tell you.

Already the best film of next summer

I am very much alone in my dislike of Batman Begins. In my defense, I attribute my disdain for the movie to the fact that I saw it on opening weekend in a packed cinema where the a/c had broken down. Before the trailers, I was already uncomfortably hot so by the time Christian Bale suited up, I was almost passing out from heat exhaustion and was therefore not in the best place to enjoy the movie. I keep meaning to give it another go, but never get round to it.

However, having seen the new trailer for The Dark Knight, I am fairly certain I'll watch its prequel right before seeing the follow up. Watch it and be amazed.

The Dark Knight

Hot Guy Monday: David Duchovny

Back in the days of X Files, I never really got into liking David Duchovny. But I have to say I think he looks far better now than he did then. I love that he's enjoying a career revival with Californication so I just hope the insane law suit doesn't derail future seasons. I also kinda hope he wins the Golden Globe.

The Golden Globe Nominations: PCB's View

MOVIES

DRAMATIC PICTURE
American Gangster
Atonement
Eastern Promises
The Great Debaters
Michael Clayton
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

There's been some talk about how it's so unprecedented for there to be seven nominations (seems the Globes have a more relaxed attitude to nomination slots than some other award shows), but this could have been cut down to five very easily. Eastern Promises was good but not great and certainly not awards worthy. I also don't think American Gangster is worthy of a nomination. Ridley Scott hasn't made a good film since Thelma & Louise.

MUSICAL OR COMEDY PICTURE
Across the Universe
Charlie Wilson's War
Hairspray
Juno
Sweeney Todd

I've somehow only managed to see one of these (Hairspray) though I have been relentlessly hounded by the trailers for three out of the remaining four (whereas I somehow only saw the trailer for Across The Universe once). I suspect Sweeney Todd will take the prize although the trailer doesn't give me much confidence and has rightly been taken to task for seemingly omitting that it is in fact a musical.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE PICTURE
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days (Romania)
The Diving Bell & the Butterfly (France/USA)
The Kite Runner (USA)
Lust, Caution (Taiwan)
Persepolis (France)

First of all, what is The Kite Runner doing here? Is the entire film foreign language? Second of all, why no nomination for La Vie En Rose?


BEST DIRECTOR
Tim Burton, Sweeney Todd
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Julian Schnabel, Diving Bell & the Butterfly
Ridley Scott, American Gangster
Joe Wright, Atonement

Why has a nomination been wasted on Ridley Scott? WHY? The Coen brothers are likeliest to win here I think but I would love Joe Wright to take the prize.

BEST DRAMATIC ACTOR
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
James McAvoy, Atonement
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises
Denzel Washington, American Gangster

Viggo was easily the best thing about Eastern Promises but the nomination I'm happiest about is James McAvoy's. He is a phenomenally talented actor who first caught my attention in Bright Young Things four years ago. I seriously hope he wins though I very much doubt he will.

BEST DRAMATIC ACTRESS
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away From Her
Jodie Foster, The Brave One
Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart
Keira Knightley, Atonement

Were dramatic roles really at such a premium for women that Jodie Foster can score a nomination for her not particularly brilliant turn in The Brave One? I love her and she finally came out and it's not like she was nominated for Flightplan or anything but still.

BEST ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Tom Hanks, Charlie Wilson's War
Ryan Gosling, Lars and the Real Girl
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Savages
John C. Reilly, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Hurrah for Ryan Gosling! Nobody saw the movie (well, I did) so scoring this nomination is quite a coup. I doubt he'll win but if he hadn't dropped out of Lovely Bones, THAT would have hoovered up awards for him, I reckon. Somehow I don't see Marky Mark pulling off the same feat.

BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Amy Adams, Enchanted
Nikki Blonsky, Hairspray
Helena Bonham Carter, Sweeney Todd
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Ellen Page, Juno

While I am happy for all the nominees in this category, except one (Bonham Carter), if anyone other than Marion Cotillard wins, I will be most unhappy. Her embodiment of Piaf was extraordinary. Why no nod for Laura Linney though?

SUPPORTING ACTOR
Casey Affleck, Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
John Travolta, Hairspray
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

a dead heat between Affleck and Bardem, I imagine and I honestly can't choose between them. And I'm not basing that on their nominated performances or anything worthwhile like that as I haven't actually seen either of them (am finally seeing Jesse James today and No Country opens in the UK next month), but just on how much I like them both as actors in everything else I have seen them in.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Julia Roberts, Charlie Wilson's War
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Tilda Swinton can, in my opinion, do no wrong. Not even when she spends a week sleeping in a glass case and calls it art. She's always entrancing to watch in whatever she's doing. I love her. And I'm pleased that Saoirse Ryan got nominated as she was frighteningly good in Atonement. If anyone's name other than Blanchett's is called on the night though, I will be amazed.

SCREENPLAY
Diablo Cody, Juno
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Christopher Hampton, Atonement
Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell & the Butterfly
Aaron Sorkin, Charlie Wilson's War

I know there are many avid fans of the original source novel, but I really think Christoper Hampton deserves to win for turning 400 pages of tedious waffle and a horrible cheat ending into 2 hours of heartbreaking beauty.

ANIMATED FILM
Bee Movie
Ratatouille
The Simpsons Movie


I imagine Ratatouille will take this though a little part of me would love it if The Simpsons Movie won.

ORIGINAL SCORE
Dario Marianelli, Atonement
Howard Shore, Eastern Promises
Clint Eastwood, Grace is Gone
Michael Brook, Into the Wild
Alberto Iglesias, The Kite Runner

Clint Eastwood wrote the score to Grace Is Gone? How completely random. Why oh why though is this the first time that film and Into The Wild have cropped up? That is pretty criminal if you ask me.

TELEVISION

DRAMATIC TV SERIES
Big Love
Damages
Grey's Anatomy
House
Mad Men
The Tudors


Hmmmmmm. Am I the only one who thinks those nominations are a little, um, I don't know, uninspiring? Is Big Love really that good? Season One bored me so intensely I stopped watching three episodes in. Why no nomination for Dexter? Or Friday Night Lights? The Sopranos?

BEST ACTOR, TV DRAMA
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Jonathan Rhys Meyers, The Tudors
Bill Paxton, Big Love

I want Michael C. Hall to win. He is absolutely tip top magic in Dexter and as his five years of brilliance on Six Feet Under went unrewarded, this should make up for it. I can't believe Rhys Meyers was considered worthy of a nomination. He's a terrible terrible TERRIBLE actor.

BEST ACTRESS, TV DRAMA
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Glenn Close, Damages
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

I imagine this is Edie Falco's to lose, but Glenn Close would give her a run for her money. Personally, I would be happy with a Patricia Arquette upset. I love her in Medium and the third season was surprisingly strong.

TV SERIES, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Californication
Entourage
Extras
30 Rock
Pushing Daisies

I am currently watching and loving Californication and 30 Rock but I would suspect the award will go to freshman favourite Pushing Daisies.

BEST ACTOR, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
David Duchovny, Californication
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies

It's all about Alec Baldwin. He's an absolute raving genius in 30 Rock. America's inexplicable love affair with the tiresome, unfunny, overexposed and overrated Ricky Gervais continues though so he'll probably win.

BEST ACTRESS, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

A glut of worthy nods here. Tina Fey is fantastic as is Mary Louise Parker. I am surprised that Ugly Betty's genius second season merited a single nomination and it's for America Ferrara. Fine fair enough, but she is just one of many excellent performances in the show.

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
The Company
5 Days
The State Within
Longford

I lasted ten minutes with The Company before the bad wigs made me switch off.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Bryce Dallas Howard, As You Like It
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Queen Latifah, Life Support
Sissy Spacek, Pictures of Hollis Woods
Ruth Wilson, Jane Eyre

I hope Queen Latifah wins, just to make up for the outrageous oversight of not being nominated for Hairspray.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Adam Beach, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Ernest Borgnine, A Grandpa For Christmas
Jim Broadbent, Longford
James Isaacs, The State Within
James Nesbitt, Jekyll

James Nesbitt? Seriously? He was godfuckingawful in Jekyll, which was also dreadful. Dreadful.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Rose Byrne, Damages
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl, Grey's Anatomy
Samantha Morton, Longford
Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Jamie Pressly, My Name is Earl

I do love Rose Byrne. The most deserving winner here though would be Samantha Morton.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Ted Danson, Damages
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Andy Serkis, Longford
William Shatner, Boston Legal
Donald Sutherland, Dirty Sexy Money

Ted Danson is still working? Impressive. I kind of hope Kevin Dillon wins this one. Jeremy Piven has been shown enough love now.

We say Amen and Hallelujah

After two long weeks without a connection while I switched broadband providers, I am now back back back. It was maddening not having internet at home, particularly as my new job is too hectic to allow surfing time whilst at my desk. But it was worth it. Having got rid of Talk Talk, the worst phone and internet providers on the planet with the shittiest customer service I have ever had the misfortune to encounter, I now have a lightening fast connection. All the better to download porn with. Fantastic.

what do you get if you cross Blair Witch Project with Indepence Day?

You get Cloverfield

I love Amazon

When I upped sticks in 2005 for a few months and went off to pursue my dream of moving to NYC, I got rid of all my Region 2 DVDs. For the most part it didn't bother me as I was selling them on ebay and amazon marketplace and funding my trip with the proceeds. But there was one I did not want to get rid off and that was my treasured Alien Quadrilogy. I bought it day of release for a fair whack of money (I can't remember exact figures but £65 seems about right). But it had to go and so I resigned myself to never owning it again due to its limited edition nature.

So today I was idly surfing Amazon's Black Friday sale. I am only buying Region 1 DVDs at the moment due to the weak dollar and my refusal to give up on the dream of NYC. What should catch my eye but the Alien Quadrilogy for a perfectly insane price of $27. Including shipping. How great is that???????

New York Round Up Part The Third: Tori Amos (2)

Concert #2

Act I – Santa

* Body and Soul
* My Posse Can Do
* Sugar
* Dragon
* Secret Spell
* You Can Bring Your Dog

Interlude

* Professional Widow

Act II – Tori

* Big Wheel
* Space Dog
* A Sorta Fairytale
* Cornflake Girl
* Doughnut Song
* Spring Haze

T & Bö

* Winter
* Carbon
* Baker Baker

Band Returns

* Almost Rosey
* Spark
* Code Red

First Encore

* Precious Things

Second Encore

* Bouncing Off Clouds
* Hey Jupiter


So the second night is still not sold out but it's less empty than last night. I wonder how much word of mouth about the previous night has to thank for a last minute surge in ticket sales. So anyway, if I am going to go see Tori, I will always book every night she's playing near me (in 2003, I saw the Scarlet's Walk Tour five times, twice in London, three times in NYC) as the set list is never the same from night to night. The most recent tours have been probably the most structured in terms of set lists, with opening and closing songs always being the same (in the case of this tour, that only really counts from the Tori section) but with this tour, she is really using the whole doll concept to really explore her music and performance from a fresh perspective. The early dates of the tour, each doll would only play songs from the new album, but as it's progressed, they have each been assigned songs from the back catalogue. It seems she waited to get to the US before really kicking things up a notch or twelve. This could be because the majority of the US leg is being recorded for download, but it could be because finally everything has fallen into place. Later dates after the NY gigs have seen her debut rarities such as "Peeping Tommi", "Mountain" and "Not David Bowie" as well as doing crazy shit like performing "Me & A Gun" with the band.

Anyway, back to night two of the MSG concerts. A later start time and a strict curfew at the WaMu Theatre caused a slight upset with the encore, but apart from that, the second night was every bit as astounding as the first. Seeing her perform as Santa and bring an entirely different energy to the opening part of the show made me completely eat my words about how naff I find the concept. One thing I don't understand though is with an album that has some filler songs smattered throughout the standout tracks, why it's the filler that's being so regularly performed while the standout tracks are rarely if ever seeing the light of day. "Velvet Revolution", "Girl Disappearing", "Father's Son", "Roosterspur Bridge", "Dark Side Of The Sun" have either been rarely or not played at all on the tour, while "You Can Bring Your Dog" and "Almost Rosey" are played all the damn time. And why "Posse Bonus" and "Programmable Soda" even made it on to the album but the brilliant "My Posse Can Do" is a bonus track on the DVD is truly beyond me.

This second show was a quieter and more emotional affair than the first night. Presumably this was due to Tori's parents being in the audience. Certainly it's why she played an absolutely killer version of "Winter" during the solo section. The absolute highlight for me would have to be "Spark". I love the song so much and From The Choirgirl Hotel is probably my favourite of her albums but I have never been lucky enough to hear the song performed live. Until tonight and it did not disappoint me at all.

The truncated encore was annoying ("Taxi Ride", another favourite, was supposed to be performed after "Precious Things" but was cut) but other than that I have no complaints and I have to say that having heard some of it performed live, I am now a much bigger fan of American Doll Posse than I was beforehand. I cannot wait until the bootleg downloads become available for places outside North America and Canada. Why? Well here's a terrible quality version of the absolutely storming version of "Bouncing Off Clouds". That's why.

New York Round Up Part The Second: Tori Amos (1)

I have mentioned on here before how I was not a big fan of the new album, how I found the concept a little tiresome and as for the tour, well, I didn't really care for the set lists and wasn't bothered I was missing her London dates. Well, having seen her New York dates, let me state for the record how wrong I was. The concerts were off the chart amazing, the best I have ever seen her (and that includes the 2005 concert with the gospel choir which I thought would never be beaten).

Concert #1

Act I – Pip

* Cruel
* Bliss
* Fat Slut
* Smokey Joe
* Teenage Hustling
* The Waitress

Interlude

* Professional Widow

Act II – Tori

* Big Wheel
* Crucify
* Pancake
* Cornflake Girl
* Bells For Her
* Siren

T & Bö

* Silent All These Years
* Cool On Your Island
* Cooling [complete with brambles]

Band Returns

* Digital Ghost
* Hotel
* Code Red

First Encore

* Precious Things
* Bouncing Off Clouds

Second Encore

* Hey Jupiter

Before I talk about the concert itself, I want to take a moment to vent about MSG. There was a basketball game on in the main arena and so getting into the venue was a freaking nightmare. There were metal detectors up all the way across the main entrance and it took me a fair while to get through as I picked the line with the jobsworth dullard who was letting one person through at a time, ensuring they had cleared the exit before letting the next person through. Sigh. Then I go and line up to pick up my tickets. After a long time, I get to the front whereupon I am told I'm at the wrong window and I have to go do it all over again. You can imagine how that pleased me. Luckily, the nice man at the window allowed me to collect my ticket for the following night at the same time or I would have pitched a fit.

So, the concert itself. It was nowhere near sold out, whole sections at the back were empty which was a real surprise to me. I know this album hasn't been flying off the shelves or anything, but still. So the show starts and Tori comes out dressed as Pip. In my earlier blog about the tour, I mentioned how disappointed I was she had reverted to the 1998 versions of "Cruel" and "The Waitress". Well, I take half of that back too. She opened the set with "Cruel", performing it as if she were the bastard offspring of Cat Power and Steve Tyler. It was pretty fucking amazing. The rest of the set as Pip was equally as astounding, insanely high energy and hard edged, covering two of the better songs from American Doll Posse ("Teenage Hustling", which was tremendous and "Smokey Joe" which was fantastically eerie), as well as one of my favourite songs from To Venus And Back ("Bliss"). Unfortunately, I still hate the overlong version of "The Waitress", but you can't have everything.

So Pip goes away and after a brief interlude of the hateful remix of "Professional Widow", Tori comes on and launches into "Big Wheel" which is much much much MUCH better live than on the album. There is not, in fact, a low point to the rest of the evening (unless you count the woman singing so far off key she's practically back in tune again, who was sat right behind me). There isn't much talking to the audience, but so what? During the solo section, I just about lost my shit. Why? Glance up at the set list and look at what it says next to "Cooling". Probably my most favourite of her songs and my most favourite of her lyrics. It's the name of this blog, it's engraved on my iPod, it's the welcome message when I turn my mobile phone on. Until this tour, the bridge that contains said lyric has always been skipped when it's performed live. But not anymore and hearing it sung live made me a very happy gay boy indeed.

I was so fucking happy to have a ticket for the next night when this gig was over. If I hadn't, I would have bought one immediately. It was really that good. Unfortunately, continuing the theme that my camera flash sucks ass, here's the pic I took:



So I figured I would steal someone else's. Here, see, much better



And here she is, as Pip, performing "Teenage Hustling". Not the best quality, but you get the idea.

Strike!

As if one strike were not enough, the entertainment industry now has two on its hands. One is, in my opinion, justified and I totally support it. The other, not so much.

The writers strike that is currently underway and slowly grinding TV and movie production to a halt is the one I am in support of. I think it's laughable that writers do not get any residuals for their work. The argument that the DVD profit margin is already slender is also laughable, especially when DVDs cost little to produce and the popular titles sell in their millions. Everyone in front of the camera has a lucrative and watertight contract that sees them continue to be paid for it, so why on earth can't the people without whom they wouldn't even be there get something from it too?

Yesterday, the long threatened strike from Local One, the stagehands union, saw 28 of the 36 shows currently on Broadway go dark. I honestly think this is disgusting. The producers are within their rights to question the more ludicrous portions of the Local One contract. The main sticking point has been the load in of a show, where the producers cannot hire how many people it would take to do the load in. They have to hire the amount of people the League dictates to them, regardless of if they are needed or not. There are also thing like a flyperson is to be hired on all productions, even if the show does not have any fly cues. Who in their right mind would agree to that?

Now, the producers have been reasonable about it all, and have said that they are not looking to fire anyone, but reassign unused labor to where it is actually needed. Local One have simply continued to make passive aggressive comments about how much money producers have and how greedy they're being by trying to cut the wages of Local One members. Shut up. First of all, who is being greedy? The producers are trying to be fair, reasonable and sane. Surely asking them to pay people to do nothing just because they have the money is not fair, nor is it a particularly smart argument. Also, starting the strike without any notice is underhanded and mean. It's telling that when the musicians strike darkened Broadway musicals for four days in 2003, the casts of the affected shows were right there on the picket lines supporting them. The first show affected by the strike was The Grinch which had an 11am matinee, one hour after the strike started. Patrick Page stood out front of the theater, apologising to ticket holders for the fact there was no show. I really honestly think Local One are being pig headed and ridiculous and as they are so unwilling to negotiate a contract that is fair to everyone, rather than massively one sided in their favour, who knows how long the strike will last?

And what really sticks in my craw the most is all the comments about how much money the producers have. Well, the lowest paid actor on a Broadway stage is pulling in $60 grand a year. There are some stage hands who, thanks to the insane contract the producers think is unfair, earn a lot more than that and don't have to do all that much to get it.

The TV Season begins to hot up

Although the writers strike may very well put paid to it all pretty soon, but that's another story. The TV season in the UK doesn't usually get going until January at the earliest due to the massive hiatuses US shows tend to take. However, a few shows have now brokered "no delay" deals with UK networks so the episodes air here only a week or so after the US. Of course, as you will see, in some stuff we are still very behind.

Already airing (as of this week):

Ugly Betty Season Two (which I have forgiven for the unnecessary character death)
Prison Break Season Three (which I have not)
Bones Season Three
Journeyman Season One
Without A Trace Season Five
The Tudors Season One (though I missed too many episodes so I'm investing in the DVDs)
Californication Season One
30 Rock Season One
Kyle XY Season Two

Coming in early 2008:

Supernatural Season Three
Heroes Season Two
Lost Season Four
Grey's Anatomy Season Four
Dexter Season Two
Pushing Daisies Season One
Chuck Season One
Reaper Season One
Weeds Season Three
Rescue Me Season Four
Nip/Tuck Season Five

That's a whole lot of TV going on! Thank god I've made the decision to live like a monk until my credit card debt is taken care of.

The funniest fugging thing i have ever read

It's no secret that I absolutely love the Go Fug Yourself girls. They have a level of bitchiness to which I constantly aspire. Just recently they have been absolutely outdoing themselves and while they realise that less is more (dismissing Joss Stone's frilly mini skirt disaster with an "Oh honey. No." was a particular master stroke that had me guffawing, I must admit), sometime they go all out. And so with no further ado I present to you:

The Best Fug EVER (well, so far)

New York Round Up Part The First: The Shows

Finally, part one of my NY trip is up. So here it is.

In chronological order of viewing:

Mauritius

What an odd little play. I only really went to see it because Bobby Cannavale was in it. A familiar set of tropes are filtered through an unusual maguffin (rare stamps from the titular location) and for the most part, the dialogue is grounded in reality. But then there are odd flights of fancy that stick out like sore thumbs (Alison Pill's speech about growing wings came so completely out of nowhere I did find myself thinking "has she forgotten her lines?"). But here it's all about the performances and while everybody in the cast is noteworthy, two people stand head and shoulders above the rest.

Bobby Cannavale was a given. I've seen him on stage before and he took my breath away so it was no surprise when he did it again here. The show is not really positioned well for awards timing, but Julie White proved that if you really make an impression, people don't forget, so here's hoping he gets some recognition. Same applies to Alison Pill who is utterly rivetting in the main role as the wronged sister who claims ownership of the stamps as payment for the time spent nursing her step mother until her death.

Rent

Which was something like going to a Backstreet Boys concert. I was a Renthead back in the day and I became friends with Anthony when he was in the London run of the show. When I saw he was back in the show and I would be in NY for his final performance, it was not an immediate no brainer I would see it. I saw the show a LOT in 98-99 and I saw it one more time in 2002, but haven't seen it since. I had reasons for seeing the show as much as I did. Those reasons are no longer relevant to my life. So I figured maybe I'd just call him up and hang out with him independent of the show. But who was I kidding? I got the playbill.com discount offer and so I booked it.

I was planning on it being a surprise but I happened to walk by the theatre as they were doing the lottery and there was just an insane amount of people there. I figured stage door would be the same and there was a danger I'd miss him so I left a voicemail letting him know i was there, which was kind of annoying. Anyway, so the show was a little out of control. I have nothing to say about the piece itself. Adam and Anthony were both great (Adam sounds so very different to his last time playing the role), Tamyra Gray tore it up as Mimi (and damn is that girl skinny). Following a pre-show two minute standing ovation, the audience whooped and screamed and cheered their way through the show. It was, for the most part, fine though a couple of times I did find myself thinking "oh shut up". I am usually against taking pictures at curtain call, but everyone was doing it and so I did too and I managed to get these two pics by sheer fluke of timing.



The stage door was even more out of control than I thought it was going to be. My camera flash is utter shit but you get the idea



After about 45 minutes, the crowd thinned enough that I managed to wave over the heads of three people and get his attention. One shouted conversation later I headed to the subway, via Europan Cafe as, by huge co-inky-dink, I ran into someone in the crazed crowd I hadn't seen in two years.


A Bronx Tale

I've been intrigued by this play for ages and ages but pretty much figured I would never get to see it performed. I very nearly didn't as the threatened lock out/strike that's been hanging over Broadway came within a hair's breadth of being actioned the evening I saw the show.

A 90 minute one man show about his growing up in the Bronx sounds, on paper, like the most tedious self indulgent load of piffle. But no. Chazz Palminteri had quite the passage into adulthood. Everybody knows now how he witnessed the point blank shooting of a driver during an altercation with another driver by the local mob boss. Feigning amnesia ingratiated the young Chazz to said mob boss and so it begins. Playing 18 roles, Mr Palminteri effortlessly commands the stage and holds the audience's attention. It was an excellent, surprisingly funny and beautifully touching evening.

Pygmalion

Oh dear. I guess because I'm British I'm going to be more critical of Americans attempting British accents. I don't know why Roundabout chose to revive this play at this point in time. It looks fine enough (real rain for the opening scene and all) but no amount of set dressing can compensate for a draggy and slow first act (which is the play's fault) made even worse by some terrible performances (NOT the play's fault). Claire Danes struggles with the cockney accent throughout her first two scenes. The second scene is interminable, going on and on and ON, repeating itself and then completely hamstrung by a shockingly awful performance by Jay O. Sanders as Alfred Doolittle.

Once she's poshed up, Claire Danes acquits herself nicely (though she needs to up her volume) and for the most part the rest of the leads are fine. I'm going to be blasphemous though and say this is one instance where the adaptation has surpassed the original. I studied the play way back in the day and didn't love it then (one of the many reasons I was so resistant to My Fair Lady. Having finally seen it a few years ago, I adored it). Having seen this revival, I still don't love the play and seeing it performed, all the issues I had with it are writ large rather than resolved.


Die Mommie Die!

The campest thing I have ever seen. Loved it. I saw the movie in 2003 when I was in LA and thought it was hilarious so when I saw it was coming to NYC, starting right when I was coming for a vacation, it had to be done. It was fab. I was a little gutted that Chris Meloni did the reading but didn't take the role for the actual run of the play but what can you do?

I took Eric and his boyfriend as a thank you for letting me stink up their living room for two weeks. We had front row seats so it was just the right vantage point to get a faceful of Van Hansiss. My word, that boy is gifted. And the tight TIGHT denim short shorts he wears in one scene left no doubt as to how gifted. I in fact turned to Eric and said "I hope that's padded or that's just insane". After watching him adjust himself at curtain call, I think it's safe to say he's not padded.

While Charles Busch is uproarious in the role of Angela Arden, this production belongs to Ashley Morris. She takes it and runs with it, going wildly over the top without once veering into parody. She was hysterically brilliant and I thought she was cute as a button at curtain call, having to tug down her very short dress as she bowed.


Frankenstein

The worst show of my trip. H O R R I B L E. Monochromatic, bland, boring, dull dull dull. After two indistinguishable songs, I wanted to find the lyricist and beat him to death with his rhyming dictionary. I was mainly intrigued to see this because of Hunter Foster as he has a very devoted following always going on about what a wonderful voice he has and what a lovely actor he is. Well, on the strength of this performance, I don't see it. His acting was one note at best, which also sums up his singing. He also had the most irritating way of breathing EVER when he was singing which drove me up the fucking wall.

It opens soon and I'm sure the reviews will be harsh, to say the least. If the show is still running at Thanksgiving I shall be hugely surprised. Not least because it's at 37 Arts, which may be between 9th and 10th Avenues, but sure doesn't feel like it. There's NOTHING there. Shame.

Cyrano De Bergerac

I only saw this because of the cast. Kevin Kline, Jennifer Garner and Daniel Sunjata. Fabulous. Which is more than can be said of the end product. An absolutely enormous stage and set is not the wisest thing to have for a show opening without the benefit of an out of town tryout and this 4th preview was very rocky, to say the least. The night before, the world's stupidest travelling curtain had jammed, stopping the show for 20 minutes. I don't know if Kevin Kline was annoyed about this and doing it on purpose but I was in row F of the orchestra and I couldn't hear him. Jennifer Garner does not embarrass herself in what is her Broadway debut proper (she was an understudy fresh out of drama school) but she does not break any new ground with her performance either.

The biggest question posed though is why this piece and why now? Why revive it with an old translation? This could have benefitted from someone else taking a fresh pass at the original French version, in my opinion. All in all, I didn't hate it but it was not exactly a quick three hours.


Young Frankenstein

The theatrical highlight of my trip. The main reason it was such a highlight was because I didn't expect it to be. I booked and paid for my (outrageously expensive) ticket for one reason: Megan Mullally. If she had not been in it, I would not have gone near this show. I really really didn't love The Producers and the hubristic way this show got the Hilton was also offputting to me.

But I would pay good money to hear Megan Mullally sing live and in that I was not disappointed. She was glorious, very funny and while she only had one big scene and number in Act One, she makes up for it in Act Two with a couple of songs, including, of course, the 11 o'clock number.

But the rest of the show is total fun. Great songs (for the most part, though "Roll In The Hay" is not great. Poor Sutton Foster.), wonderful performances and some fantastic set pieces made for a hugely enjoyable evening. It will be interesting to see how well it is received by the critics. The Producers was a huge success purely because of Matthew and Nathan. Once they left, the audience quickly followed and it has never been able to reproduce its NY success elsewhere. If they are smart with this show and advertise it on the strength of the movie, Mel Brooks and Susan Stroman, rather than anything else, they could have an enduring hit on their hands.

Curtains

Such a cute and silly show. It was David Hyde Pierce's first show back after a vacation and he was in fine form. You can see why he won the Tony, his performance is absolutely entrancing. Completely understated and also clearly having the time of his life with it, it's a real joy to watch him. He's matched by the rest of the leads, although Debra Monk is a little, um, BIG in her performance. I loved how some songs started out small and became huge show stopping set pieces, particularly "Thataway!" and "Tough Act To Follow". All in all, this show was totally fun and sweet which is as it should be.

Xanadu

Quite the show to pick for my last show on the trip. I of course had to have the onstage seating. God bless Eric for telling me beforehand "when the show is about to start and Cheyenne comes on stage, gets on all fours and starts drawing his pavement mural, I would encourage you to remember that there is a whole other audience that can see you." Sweet Jesus that man is FINE. And very talented. And he holds no truck with mobile phones either. When, a mere two lines into his opening monologue, a phone rang in the front row, he stopped and stared pointedly at the offending audience idiot. Then when it rang again, after he had started his monologue again, he stopped and said "and we wait". Good for him.

The show itself is a riot. The cast are all clearly having a ball with it, Jackie Hoffman and Mary Testa are incredible, Kerry Butler is note perfect and of course Cheyenne, oh Cheyenne. How I love you so. I mean, look. What's not to love, right?