Summer Movies

Now, it's no secret that summer blockbusters are usually bad. And last summer was one big black hole of suckage. The fact that, if I had to choose a highlight, it would be the craptastic-yet-I-still-liked-it-in-an-"it's shit"-kind-of-way Fantastic Four I think says it all. And yet, that being said, this summer boasts a whole crop of movies that I shouldn't be getting my hopes up about and yet I am. They are:

Mission Impossible III: I know, I know. Tom Cruise has become a punchline. The second movie was horrible. The first movie was incoherent and is also the first movie that decided to put EVERYTHING in the trailer and is therefore to blame for the trend (remember the climactic helicopter chase in the Channel Tunnel? Right there in the trailer. Stupid). So I shouldn't be getting excited about this. But, two key reasons for the suckiness of part II are absent (Thandie Newton and John Woo), JJ Abrams is the man in control and there's the added bonus of Philip Seymour Hoffman on bad guy duties. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don't HATE Tom Cruise as an actor. I don't know why but I don't. So there. I won't be jumping over a couch to proclaim this fact anytime soon, I hasten to add.

The Da Vinci Code: Not overly excited about this one, but I am intrigued to see what such a bland director can do with such a bland leading man in the most overrated overhyped load of claptrap book in decades. I read the book, I enjoyed it for what it was, but it didn't change my life or anything. The excitement lays in the supporting cast here with Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Paul Bettany and Alfred Molina all making this more interesting than it actually is.

X Men: The Last Stand: I shouldn't be excited about this at ALL. The insanity of Fox finally drove Bryan Singer away from the franchise and they replaced him with Brett Fucking Ratner, who gave the world Rush Hour. While this looks like it will be all exciting on the action and spectacle front, the voiceover in the first trailer suggests the script will suck. I wish they'd waited until Singer was available, but it's all a pissing contest to get this film opened before Singer's new film.

Poseidon: Bring. It. On. I absolutely cannot fucking wait. I hope it's three hours long. A cast of people I love (Josh Lucas, Mike Vogel, Richard Dreyfuss and so on) and an astronomical budget remake of my favorite disaster movie? Who could ask for anything more? The trailers and ShoWest reel made me giddy with joy, frankly. All I ask is that Emmy Rossum is given the violent and painful death that was inexplicably denied her in The Day After Tomorrow and this may well end up being my film of the summer.

The Break Up: I love Vince Vaughn. I can't help it. He's so tall and handsome (though he has been looking a little rough around the edges lately) and he's a comic genius to boot. So this will be fabulous even if it DOES also star Jennifer Aniston.

The Omen 666: Again, I know I know. It's a remake of a classic with an odd cast, it's bound to suck. But the trailer that JUST came out looks very promising and I know it's wrong but I do love Julia Stiles.

Superman Returns: Fan boys are getting increasingly upset with publicity stills and trailers for this. Michael Hartney has been discussing it on his blog and will no doubt continue to do so as the release date rolls nearer. I have to admit that, not being a fan boy of the source material but only of the director, I'm excited. I could really do without Kevin Spacey in it but with Parker Posey as his evil sidekick, she should more than compensate.

Miami Vice: Again, I know. I should be hanging my head in shame as I type. But where other tv shows have hit the big screen in a let's all be retro camp bollocks way (yes, Charlie's Angels I mean you), the first trailer for this is all gritty and dark and exciting. Marvellous.

Snakes On A Plane: Who ISN'T looking forward to a film with that title?