Another one bites the dust

The Talk. He blew me away in Mauritus and so I'm all for seeing Bobby Cannavale again.

After Godspell cancelled its Broadway run the same day I posted my list of shows I wanted to see, I wondered to myself if any other show on the list would end up not materialising. Yesterday, Naked Angels announced that The Talk had been withdrawn from its line up. No real surprise given that it was supposed to begin performances in less than a week and since the original announcement there had been NOTHING said about it. But still, it's disappointing.

In other theatre related news, and on a more positive note, it was confirmed yesterday that the London run of August: Osage County would have all but 4 of the original Broadway cast. The two Tony winners, as well as Amy Morton will all be present and correct. I'm even more excited about it now than I was after I managed to book tickets on the hopeless National Theatre website.

Naked Farmer for September

I realise it's become a recurring theme on this blog of late but seriously, where IS this year going????? Where did the summer go? It's a madness I tells you. Anyway here's this month's naked farmer. Enjoy him.

An open letter to the National Theatre

Get a better website. And while you're at it, hire more staff for your box office and install more phone lines.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to join the National Theatre as an Advance Member as it barely cost a thing and it gives you a week's head start on the great unwashed when it comes to booking tickets. As their upcoming season contained the UK premiere of the awards juggernaut August: Osage County as well as the world premiere of a new David Hare play, Gethsemane, not to mention an additional booking period for their runaway hit War Horse, I was expecting it to be busy.

What I did not expect was the frailty of their website. I logged on at a fraction after 9am to book tickets for the first two plays I mentioned in the earlier paragraph. It should have taken minutes, given that I had a specific date in mind for both shows and wasn't going to be trawling through months of performances to get the best seats or anything. at 9:25am, after multiple crashes, freezes, and most frustratingly of all, website time outs that emptied my order and released the seats I was trying to buy, I decided a two pronged attack was in order, and I called the box office. I get a recorded message telling me their opening hours are from 9:30am. Fine. I call back at 9:30am, I get the busy signal. Not an eternal wait in a queue, oh no. I can't even get through. So I put my headset on and constantly press redial with one hand and battle with their website with the other, becoming increasingly vocal with it all as time goes on and people from several desks away are starting to eye me warily, in case I suddenly go all James McAvoy in Wanted on them.

At one point, I'd somehow, thanks to their evil and hopeless website, got 6 tickets in my order for Osage County when I only needed 2 and was completely unable to access the seating plan for Gethsemane. It drove me absolutely fucking NUTS, especially when I decided to approach with caution and book the shows separately only to have the payment page continually crash on me. After my final time out during payment for Gethsemane, when I got the message that my order was empty, I tried very hard not to cry and then went back to the seating plan. The seats I'd been booking are gone. Hmmmmm. I checked my email, lo and behold there is a confirmation email for my failed booking. Whatever. All I know is it's now 10:20am and it's taken me 80 minutes to do what should only have taken 8. And not once did I manage to get anything other than the busy signal on the phone. After this, if the shows are disappointing, I'm gonna torch the fucking building.

I never met a phenomenon I didn't like

I resisted Harry Potter for several years before caving in and becoming an ardent fan. It was the movies of the books that did it. I watched the first one and thought "Wow this is a TERRIBLE movie, surely the book is better" and so I was compelled to find out.

In a serendipitous twist, the latest Harry Potter movie has been delayed by eight months because Warner Bros are a bunch of money grabbing asshats. That left the pre-Thanksgiving weekend wide open and so the Twilight movie ran to fill the gap. I've become increasingly curious about the books but everything I read about them points out they couldn't be aimed at me less. I'm neither a teenager nor a girl. But as I'll be in the US when the film opens and will go to see it so I can see what all the fuss is about, I also caved in and bought the books.

So, like Kaleb Nation, I am also a guy reading the Twilight books. I'm only reading them indoors as I can't be bothered to justify my reasons for reading them to everyone I encounter with a raised eyebrow (which would probably be like, everybody). So in public it's all about the grown up stuff. I'm a teenage girl in secret. So no change there then.

Return to the Homeland

In just under three months, I'm going back to NYC for a 12 day vacation. I'm very very much looking forward to it. In addition to catching up with old friends, eating, drinking and generally making merry, I will of course be catching some shows. When I originally booked my flight, there were just 3 shows I was wanting to see. But wouldn't you know, the number keeps on growing. Currently on the hit list is:

All My Sons. The cast is amazing with one exception. I'll leave it to you to guess who I mean.
American Buffalo. Since I saw Mauritius on my last trip, it seems fitting to see the play which heavily inspired it this time around.
Dividing The Estate. Controversially withdrawn from awards consideration by its author when running off-Broadway, I figure as I'm seeing August: Osage County in London, this will fill that gap.
Godspell. Gavin Creel has never really wowed me but then I've never seen him in anything that would really give him cause to. Maybe this will change it all. Or not.
Gypsy. I missed Bernadette Peters when she did it five years ago, so Patti will be my first Mama Rose.
A Man For All Seasons. I have a sudden intense interest in Henry VIII, so this has become something of a must see.
Pal Joey. With a cast including Martha Plimpton and Stockard Channing, this should prove endlessly fascinating.
The Seagull. Leaving aside my current insane loathing of the title creature, I am just dying to see this. I didn't have a chance to see it in its original sold out London run, and now it's heading to Broadway, the main players intact but for one crucial change. Chiwetel Ejiofor has been replaced by Peter Sarsgaard. I am a HUGE fan of Peter Sarsgaard so I'm even more excited to see this now.
Shrek. I know, I know. This has potential to be absolutely godfuckingawful and I will wait until the reviews from the recently commenced out of town tryout are in before I decide on a ticket purchase.
South Pacific. The big award winner of the 2007 season, this is a seriously hot ticket. So much so that I am going to have to book it pretty much now to ensure I get a seat.
Speed The Plow. My love of Jeremy Piven knows no bounds.
The Talk. He blew me away in Mauritus and so I'm all for seeing Bobby Cannavale again.

Inevitably, I won't get to see all of these. But in an ideal world, I'd fit all these in and more besides. We'll see.....

It's a good thing I just had a pay rise

I don't think anyone who has spent more than 30 seconds looking at my blog can not know that I am a HUGE fan of Tori Amos. My devotion briefly wavered with her latest release American Doll Posse, but then right thinking kicked back in, I saw her twice on tour in NYC and was back to the full time devotion of her that has had many of my friends rolling their eyes at me and saying "still?"

Yes, still. The tour for American Doll Posse produced some of the best live performances she's ever done and since every show she does is different, the illegal recordings of her performances have been both plentiful and highly sought after. For the 2005 solo tour to accompany the release of The Beekeeper saw her release six "official" bootlegs, one of which was the London show I attended where she was joined on four songs by a gospel choir and is still one of the best concerts I've ever been to, ever. For the Posse, Amos took it to the next level and recorded 22 of the shows for release, starting with the show the night AFTER I saw her.

These recordings were only available via download to residents of North America and Canada, on a website called Legs & Boots. Not long after the end of the tour, the website closed down and that, I thought, was that. But recently, Epic decided not to renew her contract (hardly a shock since each album she's produced for them has been progressively less successful) and so Tori Amos is finally truly independent and free to do as she pleases. And if you look over yonder at my iTunes purchases, you'll see that one of the first things she has seen to is making all 22 shows available on the iTunes store in Europe, as well as the USA and Canada. Some, though by no means all, have a bonus track from the sound check into the bargain. I am in gay fan boy heaven and while my wallet is going to be hurting, it's going to be worth every penny.

Naked Farmer for August

No, I can't believe it's August either. So here's the pic of the farmer I am going to have adorning my desk for the next 31 days. The past couple of months seem to have demonstrated I did the calendar a disservice back in March when I announced it would all be downhill from there on in. What do we think?

Some good thoughts for The Boogs

My dear friend Southern Boy, whose hospitality I abuse on a regular basis is one of my favourite people on this earth. He also happens to be proud daddy to one of my favourite pooches on this earth, his pug Xander, aka The Boogs. This weekend just gone, Xander had a big fat health scare and for a few horrible hours, it looked like the cutest pug you ever did see was not long for this world.

Happily, he is now on the road to recovery and it looks like by the end of this week he'll be back to his crazy adorable self and everything is right with the world. Phew. So think good thoughts, people. Southern Boy and his pug could use them.

Sigh

I wanted to love this. I really truly did. I went into it wanting to emerge as if I hadn't breathed for two and a half hours. But I couldn't do it. I didn't love it. I only enjoyed it sporadically. It was, overall, a crushing disappointment.

There are many good things about it, don't get me wrong. Aaron Eckhart did a bang up job and had the most satisfying character arc in the movie as Harvey Dent. His evolution into Two Face was beautifully done and he handled it just right. Every single action sequence, from the opening heist onwards, was thrillingly executed. And of course, Heath Ledger steals the film as The Joker with a performance that inhabits the role to an occasionally frightening degree. When he's onscreen, he is absolutely mesmerising. And that's not hyperbole because he died at 28 and before the film was released either. It's a seriously intense portrayal.

Bale as Wayne is great too, but in all honesty I didn't love his Batman and a lot of that was to do with the entirely ridiculous bass growl he affects for that persona. Maybe the suit constricts his vocal chords, I don't know, but what I do know is I couldn't really understand what he was saying half the time. The film runs two and a half hours and could have taken a complex plot filled with complex characters and given them all room to breathe. Instead, it takes about three complex plots along with myriad sub plots and suffocates them all with hyperkinetic editing before screeching to a halt for some seriously ham fisted and clumsy preaching.

Ultimately, I think this was (for the most part) incredibly well acted film that was also astoundingly well directed. It was just let down by a script that had simultaneously too much and not enough going on.

A cinematic glance ahead

Since I'm suddenly in a movie frame of mind (geddit?), I thought I'd take a look at what's waiting for us once the summer is out of the way. While this summer has been far better than, possibly even the best of, recent years, there's still no denying that the summer can leave those who like to leaven their blockbuster intake with some quieter and more thoughtful movies, a tad bit unsatisfied. The one film that looks capable of satisfying both at once arrives tomorrow, having smashed records practically every five minutes since opening last weekend in the USA. Yes, I'm talking about The Dark Knight. So what's coming up further ahead that's arousing my interest?


Eden Lake (September 5th). Yes yes, I realise I'm starting a supposedly cerebral list with what looks like a tacky horror movie. But the thing is, I love Kelly Reilly and would see her in anything, including this. She's a fiercely intelligent not to mention staggeringly talented actress who I've been besotted with for some time now. Plus this comes from Optimum Releasing, who just opened the surprisingly good Donkey Punch (which I saw over the weekend, more on that later).


The Duchess (September 5th). I'm torn about this as it looks like a sumptuous period drama with a fabulous supporting cast (Ralph Fiennes, Hayley Atwell, Charlotte Rampling, Dominic Cooper and so on). None of that can detract from the fact it has Keira Knightley in the title role as the Duchess of Devonshire. She is a horribly limited actress and her refusal to unclench her jaw when she speaks drives me up the fucking wall.

Pineapple Express (September 12th). Not doing well on the cerebral front am I? I'm sure there are people out there who are well and truly over Judd Apatow and his compadres. I enjoyed but was not floored by Knocked Up, Superbad or Forgetting Sarah Marshall though it has left me with a mad crush on Seth Rogen and Jason Segel. Only one of them is in this movie of course. The story of two slacker stoners on the run after witnessing corrupt cops commit a murder is hardly mining new territory but the trailer made me chuckle a few times, though I hope it's not a case of the only funny parts being in the trailer.

The Women (September 12th). I have to say I had completely forgotten about this movie being made and it's highly likely that while watching it, I'll keep getting the giggles thinking about Elaine Stritch's story about being in a touring production of this show, told in At Liberty. But it will be fascinating to see the likes of Annette Bening and Carrie Fisher completely upstage Eva Mendes and Meg Ryan, don't you think? I have to say that I do.

Brideshead Revisited (October 3rd). Now this is more like it. A sumptuous looking adaptation of what has already been a classic and much loved television series and is of course based on Waugh's timeless novel. The cast has old school brilliance (Michael Gambon, Emma Thompson) mixed with the pick of up and coming talent (the three key roles of Charles Ryder, Sebastian and Julia Flyte are taken by Matthew Goode, Ben Whishaw and Hayley Atwell, all of whom are fearsomely talented). I cannot wait. Here's hoping, after her Woody Allen disappointment, this is Atwell's breakthrough. Anyone who has seen her in The Line Of Beauty will know exactly what she's capable of.

Burn After Reading (October 17th). I am not in any way a die hard Coens Brothers fan. They've made some astonishing movies and they've also made some astonishingly bad movies. The former does of course outweigh the latter and when they get it right, they really get it fucking right (Fargo, No Country For Old Men). This cast makes me just about shit my pants in anticipation as well. I've loved Tilda Swinton for over 15 years now, she has such an incredible presence I could and will watch her in anything. Same goes for Frances McDormand. So if this film turns out to be the two of them reading the ingredients off the back of a cereal box for 90 minutes, I probably wouldn't mind. Certainly not if Brad and George were in the background.

Quantum Of Solace (October 31st). Yes, so it's a horrible title. It's still better than Tomorrow Never Dies, as titles go. Daniel Craig is the best thing that has ever happened to Bond and the franchise. While Casino Royale is not quite the slam dunk it thinks it is (weak villain, horrible third act), it's still mightily entertaining stuff and it's just full of tantalising promise. It's difficult to tell from the hyperkinetic editing of the teaser trailer whether the promise has been fulfilled or not, but I'll happily pay my money to find out. Plus, Judi Dench, the second best thing to ever happen to the Bond franchise is still front and centre as M. Good good.

Blindness (November 14th). Early reviews at Cannes were disappointed with the latest film from Fernando Meirelles. I have to say the plot sounds like Day Of The Triffids without the Triffids. Also, the trailer simultaneously intrigues and excites me, but also makes me think there's potential for this to be 2008's Children Of Men (which is to say an inexplicably publically adored piece of shit). Julianne Moore rarely sets a foot wrong and there's also Mark Ruffalo and Gael Garcia Bernal in the mix. Oh, and Sandra Oh. Also, City Of God and Constant Gardener were two jaw dropping films from a direction perspective. So the odds are on the film's side if you ask me.

Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince (November 21st). Is there anyone not looking forward to this? After turning the longest book of the series into the shortest movie so far, it'll be interesting to see what they do with Book 6, in which there's an awful lot of padding and not much happens until the final third. I was interested to read that all of the big action sequences which take place off the page and are merely discussed on the page will be shown in the movie, and apparently writ large. I still think cutting the final book into two movies is the worst idea possible (just write a really fucking good adaptation! You can pare some of the midsection of the book down to a montage without losing anything for the love of God) but at least Prince would seem to be shaping up nicely.

The Day The Earth Stood Still (December 12th). Could this be the role Keanu Reeves was born to play? When I first read about this happening, I thought it was shocker of an idea. Big sci fi remakes of alien invasion movies could only conjure up a flashback to Spielberg's War Of The Worlds, which caused me some serious acid reflux. But then I saw the trailer and thought "well, I'll be. They might just make this worth watching after all." Reeves seems to fit the role in a way he hasn't since Neo and while I'm sure there will still be some fist swallowingly terrible moments from him, they will hopefully be fewer and farther between than usual.

For 2008, that's pretty much it right now. Stay tuned for the joys of 2009.

Meryl Streep can do no wrong. I love her.

What started out as a hastily thrown together filler show for an unexpectedly vacated West End theatre is now a long running global phenomenon. Originally expected to last three months, next year sees the London run celebrate its tenth birthday and the Broadway production is closing in fast on its 3000th performance. Those are the two tentpole productions of this show, but there are countless other regional and international productions running, as well as touring casts. So is there anyone left who hasn't seen this show?

In case there is, there now comes the movie, something that has become increasingly inevitable with each successful movie musical adaptation of recent years. As someone who spent five years working on the London production of Mamma Mia!, by the time I left, I was well and truly done with ABBA and with the show. At that point I thought if I never heard "Dancing Queen" again, I'd be a happy man. But slowly, oh so slowly, the movie began to intrigue me. One thing that got me interested was the pitch perfect casting of Donna's best friends (and back up band), Tanya and Rosie. Julie Walters and Christine Baranski were born to play those roles. And on a more shallow level, Dominic Cooper as Sky, Sophie's betrothed? Not only is he easy on the eye, but I've loved him since Mother Clap's Molly House, which I just discovered was his first role out of drama school. Once you've seen someone being buggered over a sofa, I like to think there's a connection there.



But what really suckered me into this was the casting of Meryl Streep as Donna Sheridan. I would watch her in anything and while she's sung in films every now and again, giving us all a glimpse of her vocal possibilities, here she is carrying her first screen musical proper and the prospect of that is oddly thrilling. So I was in. There was every chance I'd have some kind of allergic reaction in the opening credits and have to leave, but I was willing to give the film a try.

I think everyone knows the plot by now. It's sort of Buona Sera, Mrs Campbell crossed with Lace as 20 year old Sophie, having never known who her father is, finds her mother's diary and discovers there are three possibilities. So she invites them all to her wedding. Only she hasn't told them who she is nor has she told her mother what she's done. So the stage is set for misunderstandings, arguments, break ups, make ups and of course ABBA songs.

The movie is streamlined from the show's 140 minute running time (admittedly including intermission), mainly by removing songs. "Thank You For The Music", "The Name Of The Game, "Under Attack", "One Of Us" and "Knowing Me, Knowing You" have all been excised. "Our Last Summer" has been moved up to much earlier and is now shared among all three possible dads (a respectable Colin Firth, an ok Stellan Skarsgaard and a completely tone deaf but game Pierce Brosnan) and Sophie (a lovely Amanda Seyfried) rather than between Harry (Firth) and Donna. Bizarrely, "When All Is Said And Done" has been shoehorned in and given to Pierce Brosnan to sing at the end, after he's demonstrated at least twice that he fundamentally can't. As changes go, that's pretty much it. Some numbers are opened out (most notably "Dancing Queen") but otherwise this is the stage show with beautiful locations (and some horribly obvious bluescreen backdrops) and a fabulous cast.

And that is where it all starts to go a bit wrong. 90% of me enjoyed the camp hilarity and what have you, 10% of me was thinking "dear sweet Jesus, what the FUCK were you THINKING?". It's been adapted, directed and choreographed by the same writer, director and choreographer that have helmed every single production since its inception. And while you have to admire the commitment and the continuity, I wonder whether all three of them were too close to it to see what really needed to be done to successfully put the show on film. Anthony Van Laast's choreography is plain godawful (the review in Entertainment Weekly said it best "It's tempting to say that Mamma Mia! has the worst choreography of any big-screen musical in history, though that would imply that what happens in the film IS choreography") but there isn't that much of it now (though what there is, especially in "Dancing Queen" is jaw droppingly, magnificently shit). The real problem comes from the direction. Phyllida Lloyd has never directed anything for television or film before, she's a stage director through and through. And it shows. The direction is uneven, uncertain and all over the place. "Money Money Money" is a prime example of that, with fantasy sequences artlessly shoved in and it is also one of the many many many numbers that switches pointlessly from diegetic to non-diegetic singing within the number. Why? Also the lack of imagination was occasionally annoying especially when all it did was demonstrate that something which works well on stage does not do so on film, no matter how vibrantly you edit it ("Voulez Vous"). And while the megamix finale is one of the show's strongest points, it's so shabbily thrown in for the credits that it made me wince more than it made me smile.



Luckily for Lloyd, Meryl Streep is such an instinctive actress that a green director can't harm her performance. She's radiant and glorious in the role, she's funny, she's charming and when she turns on the emotion it really grips you by the throat. Her reaction when Sophie asks her to give her away at her wedding is breathtaking. And then of course there's her singing. While she carries the more upbeat numbers with aplomb (anyone who can actually give me chills singing "Super Trouper" is undeniably a gifted singer), it's in the later power ballads that she really comes into her own and the big finish is her "Winner Takes It All" which has never been sung better. It is the song by which all Donnas tend to be judged and she really knocks it out of the park. I may have welled up with emotion during it (and during "Slipping Through My Fingers") but there may have just been something in my eye. Shut up.

Ultimately, the enjoyment outweighed the disappointment and I was left with a smile on my face and the thought that I wouldn't mind seeing the show again. And you can't say fairer than that.

Pass the Kool Aid on the left hand side

Many of my friends will probably be surprised at the content of this picture. When the iPhone was launched, I really could not have cared less. My main two reasons for the lack of giving a shit were it was outrageously overpriced, ridiculously oversized (as a handset) and most of all, so very very slow as it was only 2G. I was not in the least bit interested in it, and I stayed that way.

Until, that is, my current mobile service provider and handset began to suck both in earnest and in unison. One or the other, I could have tolerated, but both together just about drove me to distraction. The area of the UK I live in is something of a network coverage black hole. It just so happens that the network who has the best coverage in my area are also the sole network offering the iPhone in the UK. The handset I used to have froze all the fucking time and had the most difficult keypad ever. Combine this with having to hang out of my bedroom window by one finger whilst reciting the bible backwards just to get one bar of signal and a new phone with a new provider is looking like a good deal.

So the iPhone 3G is announced. Twice as fast and half the price, which takes care of two of the three reasons I wasn't interested in the phone. It now looks sleek, slick and so very thin too. Whether it was always like that and the high price caused a blind spot, I'm not sure. But still, it's purty. Unfortunately, getting my hands on one was a little less straightforward than it could have been. The day the phone release was announced for July 11th, you could "pre-register" your interest with O2, to be alerted when they started taking preorders. This was open to existing customers wanting to upgrade and new customers to O2. Fine. I register, and I get an email telling me the iPhone is almost here and preordering begins soon. This past Monday, July 7th, I get an email at 7:45am telling me that from 8am, preordering will be up and running exclusive to those who registered with the site. So I go to the site at 8am and I whizz through the purchase process. My confirmation email is timed at 8:12am.

So far, so fabulous. Until this Thursday, July 10th rolls around. The preorder site went into meltdown at around 9:30am and crashed for a little while. At 3pm, the preorders were sold out and no further online or over the phone orders have yet been taken. According to O2, they were receiving as many as 13,000 orders per second, an absolutely unbelievable number. So, when I get a text from O2, apologising for my poor experience on Monday and to log on to the website for an update, alarm bells begin to ring. But it seems to be a long winded apology to everyone who was not successful in completing the check out or upgrade process due to the website meltdown and it says, quite clearly, that if you placed an order on Monday and it was successful, your phone will be with you July 11th and that will be confirmed by text before 6pm. Well, I get emails telling me my order is being processed, but by 7pm, no text confirming it's being delivered. I arranged the day off work as wouldn't you know it, the crippled lesbian got herself a day's worth of hospital appointments and wouldn't be home. I switched it around to work today instead. So I call them, to make sure I'm not effing with my schedule for no reason and I am told that most definitely, my phone will be delivered tomorrow. Fine.

By 11:30am on the 11th, I've still heard nothing from nobody. So I call O2 customer services again, I give them my order number and I'm told that my phone is not in stock and will not be delivered today. Unfortunately orders are processed on first come first served basis and by the time my order was placed, the preorder allocation was gone. I point out that my order was confirmed just 12 minutes after the preorders began, at least an hour before the site melted down and seven hours before the online store closed due to being sold out. How, I asked them, could that mean my order was out of stock? Did this mean nobody who placed an order after 8:15am on Monday was receiving their phone today? Apparently it did, so I can't imagine just how many furious customers they were having to deal with. I was very calm and reasonable about it and I got my first month's payment credited as an apology but when I don't have a phone, there's only so much placating you can do, especially when they say things like "all we can say right now is we should be able to complete your order within the next seven days". The word should just covers them every which way, doesn't it?

And then, at 4pm, I got an email telling me my order had been dispatched. So I call them back again to make sure I haven't hallucinated this and to make sure that the email isn't lying and an 11th July delivery is possible after all. Yes, they say, as some people could not wait and went and bought a handset from an Apple store, they have been cancelling the preorders, so yes, my order had indeed been dispatched. But no, they tell me, it won't be delivered until Saturday. The day I am working to cover the day I took off to wait in in the first place. I am too amused at the irony to be cross with them, plus I'm just happy to be getting my phone far earlier than I thought I was going to.

The instore launch was apparently disastrous and you can find any number of web forums shredding O2 for their handling of the launch. According to a friend who tried today, the O2 sale system instore was still down, having crashed at about 8:30am on Friday. Heads will clearly be rolling for that one. Sadly, Apple overstretched themselves as well and the activation system for the iPhone also went into meltdown yesterday which meant those lucky enough to actually get a phone then couldn't do anything with it.

But this story has a happy ending. The phone arrived at 8:30am this morning, right before I left for work. It powered up and activated without any issue whatsoever. And it's just the cutest thing you ever did see. So yeah, I drank the iPhone Kool Aid. It tasted yummy.

A picture truly does say 1000 words

With the release of Hancock, Will Smith has been popping up all over everywhere just lately. And while I used to really enjoy him, every interview snippet I've read from him on his latest publicity tour has generally caused me to roll my eyes and think "you are such a tiresome dick these days". So you can imagine my amusement when I found the following pic over on Deus Ex Malcontent.



It truly summed up my feelings about him in such a beautifully succinct way.

Naked Farmer for July

I continue to be terrified at just how very fast 2008 is whipping by. Am I alone in that feeling? Today is the motherfucking midway point of the year! And yet it feels like January was only a moment away. Tomorrow is one whole year since I saw Suzanne Vega in concert and it feels like I went last week. It's madness. Madness, I tell you.

But anyway, on to the naked guy. Here is July's offering, which I am sure you will all agree is a big step up from June's. He's far easier on the eye, though as I warned everyone at the time, he's no Mr March.

It's too bad they don't have any oil

The USA has responded to the absolutely horrific situation in Zimbabwe. They are ignoring it. Well done, USA! That'll show Robert Mugabe who's boss. Sweet everloving Christ.

The Shrieking Of The Gulls

I know I have blogged about them before, but this year the nest of seagulls atop the building next door are absolutely excelling themselves. It has gone from being an irritating and unlovely sound that occasionally pierces my deep sleep to a blood curdling cacophony. Imagine an ambulance siren raping a cat before butchering some children and you're part of the way there. It's just insane and they are starting as early as 3am at the moment, which means I am one tired out homo right now. And in a bid to try and make my work life more tolerable, I've been put in charge of a couple of projects, presumably to make me feel important or something. Whatever, it's shit timing as I can barely drag myself through the day with 15 cups of coffee and matchsticks holding my eyes open. Fun.

The gays: Officially different

A new report has found that the brain chemistry of gays and lesbians resemble those of straight people of the opposite sex. To every gay man and lesbian reading this, it is not news. It's validation. The more studies like this, the more we move towards people no longer calling gayness a lifestyle choice.

PCB's Television Round-Up 2008. Part 3

Lost

Now that is what I call a comeback. When it debuted in 2004, Lost was the shit. After its amazing first season it then spent a season and a half pissing on the audience's goodwill and losing itself that all important definite article. Midway through season 3, things began to change and the show picked up a momentum it had been sorely lacking, before delivering the best season finale of last year.

And now, the shows fourth season. Minimally affected by the strike that felled so many shows this year, Lost only lost three episodes from its season order. Starting as it meant to go on, within moments of the opening episode, we were told that only six people make it off the island. As well as being 90% flash forwards this season, which finally started to fill in the gaps that even the Lost devotees had begun to wonder whether the writers just didn't know how to fill them, it also didn't pull its punches this year either (raise your hand if you thought they wouldn't shoot Ben's daughter. Yeah, me neither). It was a thrilling and gripping season, must see television in a way it hasn't been since it rode the zeitgeist into our brains back in 2004. The double episode season finale may have suffered slightly from the fact it didn't really tell us anything we hadn't already been able to work out, but it did set up a clear arc for the show's final two seasons and answered the "who's funeral?" question from last year into the bargain. February has never seemed so far away.

Weeds

Yes yes, I know season 4 is about to start in the US and season 3 did actually finish here some weeks ago, but I somehow neglected to blog about it. While the show was airing in the US, a few friends who watched it were telling me how the first half of the season was just flat out terrible but it picked up towards the end. I don't agree. I thought the show's third season was fantastic from start to finish. Fantastic writing, stupendous performances, flawless direction and the best theme song ever, who could ask for anything more? Ok so some of the subplots were a little rushed (Andy's foray into porn for example) and some supporting characters weren't really given room to breathe properly (Maulik Pancholy) but these are fairly minor quibbles in the grand scheme of things. Now the show is moving out of Agrestic, it will be interesting to see where the 4th season goes and who it takes with it.

Pushing Daisies

I have already blogged about my discontent of ITV and their insane decision to excise an episode from the premiere showing of this show. Apparently it wasn't annoying enough that this was already strike shortened down to just 9 episodes. Whatever. Undeniably the most original show to come along in many a year, this quirky show could have gone very badly wrong. Instead it went very right indeed, striking the right balance of humour and drama, with just one problem: that fucking voiceover. I don't mind a narrator, but I don't need said narrator to ham fistedly point out the emotional subtlety going on, when the actors are doing a perfectly good job of telling it themselves. If the show's second season cuts that back and also brings focus back around to Charlotte's story, then I won't have any complaints at all.

Reaper

Another new show that has a premise which could have gone terribly, dreadfully wrong. And the very first few episodes were so uncertain in their tone that there was every possibility the show could spin of its axis into crapdom. Luckily for all concerned, the writers found their groove, the cast all settled in to their roles and everything worked out marvellously. Ray Wise as the Devil is utter genius in casting. Anyone who saw him as Leland Palmer has always been a little terrified of him anyway (or is that just me?) and so it was great to see him clearly having so much fun with this role. And any show that brings on two gay characters and has the three main straight male lead characters love hanging out with them and not have their sexuality be an issue is absolutely fine by me. Of course, they were also demons but they were good demons. Anyway, this was one show that was risking cancellation but has mercifully been renewed as a mid season replacement for 13 episodes. Here's hoping that season pulls it out of the hat and ups its viewing figures.

The Big Bang Theory

This show should not be funny. At best it should be mildly amusing, another take on a tired scenario (a guy has a crush on a girl miles out of his league). At worst this should have been flat out embarrassing to watch. Instead, it was the funniest sitcom I have seen in a long time. Jim Parsons can take an awful lot of that credit, his performance as Sheldon Cooper is comedy gold. The writing is so sharp and well observed but crucially it's never mean to the geeky quartet at its core. You're never really laughing AT them, you know? The high point of the show's debut season though simply has to be Laurie Metcalfe's appearance as Sheldon's no-nonsense mother. That episode alone provided me with more mirror quotes than most other shows can muster in a season. Bring on season 2.

Dirt

I mentioned mirror quotes up there. My crazy roommate was given crayons that write on anything and wipe clean with no fuss no mess for her birthday a couple of years ago. We use them to write quotes from tv shows on the bathroom mirror that we find particularly amusing for one reason or another. Currently, the mirror quote is "A black girlfriend trumps a Nazi father" from Dirt's second season. Everything that was wrong about the show's first season was put to rights here. The ridiculous schizophrenia was dropped from Ian Hart's character for one thing. Unfortunately, the second season ran to just 7 episodes thanks to the fucking strike. Even more annoyingly, it would seem I am in a minority in thinking the second season was leaps and bounds better than the first. Viewers switched off in droves and FX have pulled the plug on it so there will be no season 3. Frustrating.

Dirty Sexy Money

Another brand new show whose debut season was halved by the writers strike. Peter Krause's first show since the end of Six Feet Under, and it's a corker. Full of characters you should hate but don't (or do hate but in the way you're narratively supposed to), this show also pushed the envelope with the transsexual storyline they included. It seems they may have lost their bottle with it though as said transsexual has been "disappeared" but who knows what season 2 will bring. I did find it confusing that both Elle Fanning and Brooke Smith were replaced by different actresses when their characters reappeared though.

Sweet CHRIST I watch a lot of television. There are at least three shows still running too.

Flavors of Brilliance

I think at this point in her career, it's fair to say that Jagged Little Pill has more fans than Alanis Morissette does. The 1995 "debut" (it was actually her third album) was a world dominating bazillion seller that her subsequent releases have not matched. Of her remaining fan base, the vast majority of them are patiently awaiting a new album that outclasses Pill. I say vast majority because, for me, her 1998 sophomore album is an absolute masterpiece. It left a lot of Pill lovers cold and I don't know if it is because when it was released I was battling with depression and trying to fend off some sort of mental breakdown (I eventually failed. I'm better now.) and so the album's darker themes connected with me on a more fundamental level, but I genuinely think that Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie is a towering achievement. So it's pleasing that, almost a full ten years later, she has delivered something that is every bit as good. Not only that, but it also sees her branching out from her musical comfort zone every now and again with a new and different sound. A sound that, to quote her directly "will make you want to dance your face off."

"Citizen Of The Planet"

The opening track is also the album's most uncertain. It's old Alanis, with ethnic influences and a prominent guitar but it's also a little unfocused lyrically.

"Underneath"

The lead single and also the first nod to the newer, dancier direction Morissette has decided to explore. You've heard it already and if you like it then you're gonna love the album.

"Straitjacket"

Starting off in an old Alanis style, with her asking over a loud guitar who you're addressing "with such fucking disrespect", this proceeds to be New Alanis and be a superb upbeat number that makes me want to dance every time I hear it, gloriously at odds with its more serious lyrics.

"Versions Of Violence"

Old Alanis is back with a loud brash rock song which seems to be about how people can be so horrific to each other in the most subtle of ways.

"Not As We"

The first ballad (just Alanis and a piano) and also the first song on the album to address her break up with Ryan Reynolds. It's absolutely beautiful and more than a little heartbreaking when it gets to the chorus and she sings about faking the fact she's making it while starting over but "I as I and not as we".

"In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man"

There's something oddly summery about the sound of this bouncy little song. Lyrically it does exactly what the title suggests.

"Moratorium"

More New Alanis. This is another song exploring the dance side of things that again melds brilliantly with Old Alanis lyrics. Another Ryan Reynolds inspired one as Morissette declares a break from anything and everything to do with relationships. It's also the song that the album title is culled from. Brilliant.

"Torch"

Another Ryan ballad. I wonder how he feels having so many songs written about him? Anyway, this is the flip side to "Bees Of My Knees" as Alanis details all the things she misses about her ex and how she never envisaged it ending the way it has.

"Giggling Again For No Reason"

New Alanis at her most successful, this is a fucking brilliant track that will make you smile when you hear it and if you can keep your feet still while it's on, then it might be because you're dead.

"Tapes"

Old Alanis is back with a song about having a tape loop of crazy thoughts playing in her head, over which she has no control. I can relate to that.

"Incomplete"

Old Alanis sticks around lyrically but New Alanis is back with her poppy upbeat music for this track that focuses on the fact that no matter how fab everything in her life might be, there's always the nagging suspicion that there's something missing.

"Orchid"

Disc 2 sees much more Old Alanis. This song does have a vaguely dancey beat but not overly so and the lyrics are very self reflective about how she's perceived and treated versus who she really is. Which is not to say I don't like it because of course I totally do.

"The Guy Who Leaves"

This has a much more forceful and darker presence yet somehow manages to be a dance influenced track too. Possibly another Ryan Reynolds inspired one, discussing how until she's truly happy, she's going to drive people who love her away from her with incessant neediness.

"Madness"

A beautiful track. Another possible Ryan one as it details how he brought a madness in her, one that stuck around after he left and how that allowed her to see herself from outside herself and view all her faults. Harsh.

"Limbo No More"

Another reflective song about how she's never really given anything in her personal life her all, and so she's always felt like she's in limbo but now she's really ready for that feeling to be over.

"On The Tequila"

In case you're thinking she's a right dreary bitch, this is a happy smiley pop song about getting smashed with your girlfriends on the titular beverage. Fun, frothy, fabulous.

"It's A Bitch To Grow Up" (iTunes bonus track)

It's easy to forget that Morissette is only 34 as she's been massively famous for a full 13 years now. Here's a little ditty about feeling "raked over coals" and having enough of it all. Is there ANYONE who's enjoyed the aging process?


And there you have it. 17 tracks, some more outstanding than others, but all of them fantastically accomplished. If you're already a fan, this will be on repeat for months. And if you aren't a fan, well, I hope this new CD doesn't inspire you to the murderous rages her previous ones have.

Naked Farmer for June

I'm a little late with this one as June sort of snuck up on me. But yeah, I got nothing.