Not waving but drowning

Well it's been quite an intense week here at PCB Central. On Good Friday, I discovered I had no money. I was very far into my overdraft. This was a huge surprise to me. I thought I had plenty of cash, plus I'm working and getting paid so surely I'm loaded. Nope. Now, I currently use Smile, the internet branch of the Co-Operative Bank. I used to have a bank account with HSBC. I have a loan and a credit card with them. I decided to log back into my HSBC account and see what was left and apply for a consolidation loan with Smile. And that's where things started to go very very wrong.

See, when I was with HSBC, as well as my current account, I opened a household account. Because I was being paid weekly and my housemate fortnightly, I thought it would be wise to have an account we paid into on each pay day for all the monthly bills. Sensible, no? No. That account has an overdraft limit of £150. When we parted ways in July, I for my NY dream, her for marriage, I left it to her to sort out final bills etc, which she did. And the house account should have been at zero balance. When I look on Friday, the house account is £375 overdrawn. Oops. So I tally up my debt and apply for the loan with Smile. On Tuesday, I am of course turned down flat. I had a backup plan, which was to go back to HSBC. So on Tuesday I called them and that's where things went even further astray. See, for the loan repayment, I opened an account that I paid into weekly and the loan payment went out of it monthly. Makes sense, right? Wrong. When I moved it to Smile, the payments took a few days to clear, and one month, there wasn't quite enough money in the account for the repayment. And that has had a knock on effect and I have now, unknowingly, defaulted on six repayments. And for each default, I've been charged £30. Shit. So I spend an hour on the phone with HSBC and it's no fun and I have to go into my nearest branch on Friday.

So I went. And it turns out, they couldn't really do anything for me. See, with HSBC, every account holder has a "behavior" score out of 99. If that score drops below 24, no in branch decisions can be made regarding your account, it has go to a central department who will contact you by phone. My score is 13. This is about as low as it can get apparently. Fun. But a very sweet man explained everything that would happen and basically, it's all going to be ok. It's going to be a little bit sucky for a little while, but I can dig myself out of that hole fairly easily. It involves them loaning me £5050 but I'm ok with that.

But those of you keeping track might remember that the New York company who are hiring me mentioned they would pay my legal fees and levy it from my salary. Well, with my H-1 visa application starting next week, they told me on Friday they can't cover my fees. And I'll have to cover their fees too. So that means I'll have about $5000 more debt to play with. And I think I have to pay half up front. Woot.

Janis Ian

Now I do love my lady folk singers. Ani DiFranco, Dar Williams, Suzanne Vega, Nerina Pallot and so on and so on. But I just got back from a Janis Ian concert. For some reason I only know four of her songs (At Seventeen, Between The Lines, In The Winter, Society's Child) and I really liked them but I hadn't ever gone out and snapped up her back catalogue. Well more fool me. Her concert was absolutely astonishing. Alone with her guitar for a little over 90 minutes, Janis Ian had the audience in the palm of her hand from the second she appeared on stage. Her voice is incredible, intimate and soaring all at once. Added to that she's funny and personable and you have the perfect folk concert. I was blown away by the final song of the main set, On The Other Side and was even more blown away to discover it was written and recorded over a year before 9/11. So Janis, if your incessant Googling of yourself leads you to this review, just know that I was left in awe of you this evening.

Summer Movies

Now, it's no secret that summer blockbusters are usually bad. And last summer was one big black hole of suckage. The fact that, if I had to choose a highlight, it would be the craptastic-yet-I-still-liked-it-in-an-"it's shit"-kind-of-way Fantastic Four I think says it all. And yet, that being said, this summer boasts a whole crop of movies that I shouldn't be getting my hopes up about and yet I am. They are:

Mission Impossible III: I know, I know. Tom Cruise has become a punchline. The second movie was horrible. The first movie was incoherent and is also the first movie that decided to put EVERYTHING in the trailer and is therefore to blame for the trend (remember the climactic helicopter chase in the Channel Tunnel? Right there in the trailer. Stupid). So I shouldn't be getting excited about this. But, two key reasons for the suckiness of part II are absent (Thandie Newton and John Woo), JJ Abrams is the man in control and there's the added bonus of Philip Seymour Hoffman on bad guy duties. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don't HATE Tom Cruise as an actor. I don't know why but I don't. So there. I won't be jumping over a couch to proclaim this fact anytime soon, I hasten to add.

The Da Vinci Code: Not overly excited about this one, but I am intrigued to see what such a bland director can do with such a bland leading man in the most overrated overhyped load of claptrap book in decades. I read the book, I enjoyed it for what it was, but it didn't change my life or anything. The excitement lays in the supporting cast here with Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Paul Bettany and Alfred Molina all making this more interesting than it actually is.

X Men: The Last Stand: I shouldn't be excited about this at ALL. The insanity of Fox finally drove Bryan Singer away from the franchise and they replaced him with Brett Fucking Ratner, who gave the world Rush Hour. While this looks like it will be all exciting on the action and spectacle front, the voiceover in the first trailer suggests the script will suck. I wish they'd waited until Singer was available, but it's all a pissing contest to get this film opened before Singer's new film.

Poseidon: Bring. It. On. I absolutely cannot fucking wait. I hope it's three hours long. A cast of people I love (Josh Lucas, Mike Vogel, Richard Dreyfuss and so on) and an astronomical budget remake of my favorite disaster movie? Who could ask for anything more? The trailers and ShoWest reel made me giddy with joy, frankly. All I ask is that Emmy Rossum is given the violent and painful death that was inexplicably denied her in The Day After Tomorrow and this may well end up being my film of the summer.

The Break Up: I love Vince Vaughn. I can't help it. He's so tall and handsome (though he has been looking a little rough around the edges lately) and he's a comic genius to boot. So this will be fabulous even if it DOES also star Jennifer Aniston.

The Omen 666: Again, I know I know. It's a remake of a classic with an odd cast, it's bound to suck. But the trailer that JUST came out looks very promising and I know it's wrong but I do love Julia Stiles.

Superman Returns: Fan boys are getting increasingly upset with publicity stills and trailers for this. Michael Hartney has been discussing it on his blog and will no doubt continue to do so as the release date rolls nearer. I have to admit that, not being a fan boy of the source material but only of the director, I'm excited. I could really do without Kevin Spacey in it but with Parker Posey as his evil sidekick, she should more than compensate.

Miami Vice: Again, I know. I should be hanging my head in shame as I type. But where other tv shows have hit the big screen in a let's all be retro camp bollocks way (yes, Charlie's Angels I mean you), the first trailer for this is all gritty and dark and exciting. Marvellous.

Snakes On A Plane: Who ISN'T looking forward to a film with that title?

I love Stephen King

And I'm not ashamed to say it. I started reading his books when he published his ultimate masterpiece, It in 1986. So it's just occurred to me that I have been a fan for 20 years. Scary in and of itself. Anyway, I have read about 90% of his output and I would rate several of his books in my all time favorites. It's always irked me when he's dismissed as a schlock writer, because his books always seem deeper than that to me. His books have managed to move and involve as well as terrify me. Not to mention he has a delicious sense of humor that has caused me to laugh out loud countless times. I will never forget reading The Tommyknockers in school during quiet time. We'd all been yelled at and threatened if we made any noise we'd be in detention for the rest of our lives. I then happened to read the part of the novel describing Gard's revenge on his boss by putting laxative in his chocolate milkshake. I spent quiet time holding in the most intense attack of the giggles, hands clasped over my mouth, tears running down my face.

Rather famously, King almost died after being hit by a truck in 1999. This was after the publication of the coolly received Bag Of Bones (which I loved). And that was the last book of his I loved for a fair while. His post recovery output is, in my opinion, his worst. Dreamcatcher is just horrible and don't even get me started on the movie, the short story collection Everything's Eventual had a few moments but I grew bored and didn't finish it. From A Buick 8 was a big improvement but it still wasn't great. I haven't read any of his Dark Tower series yet, so I don't know if the completion of that saga lived up to early promise.

Anyway, the good news is King is BACK. His latest novel, Cell, is a triumphant return to form. I absolutely loved it. And if anyone hasn't read it but intends to, please proceed no further. It's clearly inspired by Romero and his Dead movies, but King takes it to the next level. A mysterious Pulse is administered through cell phones, causing those exposed to it to turn in to crazed and murderous zombies. A small band of survivors (including, refreshingly for the unapologetically homophobic King, a homosexualist drawn with sensitivity and almost completely unremarked upon), draw together and try and work out how to survive. It being King, it's not as straightforward as all that, with telepathy, levitation, mass murder, mind control and many other curve balls thrown at the reader. The main hero, Clayton Riddell, is looking for his ex wife and young son and the scenes where he tracks his son in earnest, finding a couple of letters his son left for him, are just heartbreaking. Not as heartbreaking though as the callously efficient way King, after many pages making you really care about her, kills off the 15 year old Alice. She is rescued by Clayton at the start of the book and obviously you think that all the survivor group will make it to the last page. Nope. Alice meets a very nasty end and it's so astonishingly well handled, I got a little tearful, not to mention really angry that a character died such a senseless death. That such strong emotions could be evoked in a book about people driven crazy by their cell phones is really saying something. And the ending? Resolutely ambiguous and utterly maddening. Brilliant. I'm tired of having everything wrapped in a little bow and handed to me. Cell leaves you dangling and for that alone I would love it, but it's really the icing on the cake.

Even more excitingly, at the end of Cell, there is a few pages from the opening of his next book, Lisey's Story and this looks like it's back in the realms of books like Gerald's Game and Rose Madder, where the horror comes out of domesticity, which of course makes it all the more terrifying. For someone who retired a few years ago now, he sure is busy. Well played, Mr King. Well played indeed.

So many places, so little time

As IF I don't have enough to entertain my mind with, I now have a dilemma about where to live when I return to New York. Well, I guess it's a TRIlemma, because I've gone from having nowhere to live to having three possibilities. When I was in NY for the summer, l lived with friends in Astoria and we left it open for my return, but that got fucked up, which is why I had nowhere. Now, while I'm mulling over the two choices that have cropped up since Astoria was a no go, I was talking to my ex-roommate last night and it turns out, as I'm not back until October, I might be able to move back in with them after all. So I have made a little pros and cons list for each of the locations. I'll start with

Astoria

Pros

- I've lived there before, so I know the neighborhood.
- I like the neighborhood.
- You can control the heat in the apartment manually.
- It's a walk up but it's the second floor.
- It's super crazy cheap.
- I like my roommates.
- Laundromat is half a block away.
- I lived there over the summer so I already have some other friends in the neighborhood.

Cons

- My relationship with one roommate is volatile, to say the least. Since I came back to the UK, we've been talking a lot and decided to make a clean slate of things when I come back, but I can't help wondering if that clean slate wouldn't be better if it were unsullied by us living together.
- There would be at least 4 of us living in the apartment. I like my privacy and space. A lot. I need alone time. I don't know how much of it I would get working a full time job and living there.
- I need to go back to the gym. Thanks to my UK bank fucking things up, the NYSC two blocks from the apartment has blacklisted me.
- It's not Manhattan.
- The N/W line is the devil.
- I couldn't have a dog.


Tudor City

Pros

- It's a studio. I would be living alone.
- It's on the 21st floor, there's a lift.
- 24 hour doorman.
- The neighborhood is just GORGEOUS.
- I could walk to work.
- It's owned by a friend, so I would never have issues with my landlord.
- Laundry facilities in the building.

Cons

- It is insanely, almost prohibitively expensive.
- I have to sign contracts and show proof of earnings.
- I couldn't have a dog as the building doesn't allow them.
- Heat is controlled by the building.

Lower East Side

Pros

- It is living with my dear sweet wonderful friend Christina, who I love and will never tire of.
- It's a wonderful neighborhood.
- It's affordable, not cheap but not insane amounts of money.
- It's 3 seconds away from the subway.
- The F/V line is pretty great.
- The shower pressure is phenomenal (who doesn't love that?)
- The apartment is lovely, very well kept.

Cons

- The apartment is lovely, but it's very tiny.
- It's on the fifth floor of a walk up. And I'm lazy.
- Laundry is several blocks away, as is the nearest supermarket.
- Heat is controlled by the building.


So you see, Gentle Reader, I have lots to chew on. But, in typical PCB stylee, I am running before I can walk. I have to actually GET the visa for the job first, then I should worry about where I am going to live.

The Squee & The Whale

Last night I went to see The Squid & The Whale which I was initially annoyed about only being 81 minutes in length. By the end credits I was thanking the baby Jesus for its brevity as it was so painfully brilliant and so emotionally wrought that 81 minutes was all I could have stood.

But that's not the reason for this entry. The reason for this entry is that Volkswagen have a new ad campaign for the new Golf GTi. And it has the absolute cutest French Bulldog in it that you ever did see. And I spent the whole ad and about 5 minutes afterwards squeeing with delight about it. Anyone else who, like me, thinks that these dogs are the cutest things on earth should click here and also squee with delight. His name is Roscoe. He is to die for.

Well that didn't take long

I lost my temper with Mr Unable To Multitask today and in a very VERY controlled but clearly very angry way, told him that I thought what he was telling me was absolutely shite and if I responded to the complaint the way he wanted me to, the complainant (is that even a word?) would come back and within seconds to yell about how shabby our response was. He took it rather well, I must say. Did I mention that next week is his week to monitor the Case Management Worklist? I'm anticipating it with glee.

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For security reasons, this post is history

"I want that cunt in jail"

I figured I should headline my review with a sample of the quality of dialogue in this long in coming sequel. So you know what kind of opinion I had of the film up front. I went to see this as I figured that like Showgirls it could be a guilty pleasure, so spectacularly, mindblowingly, incomprehensibly bad that it is in fact wonderful and a huge amount of fun to watch. Alas, save for the occasional moment of unintentional laugh out loud silliness, Basic Instinct 2 is simply so bad it's plain bad.

What's more it's slow and it's boring. Note to the creative team: we have all seen the first movie. We all know Catherine Tramell is a psycho sexual lunatic who ensnares men in her web of murder and deceit. We don't need an hour long "will they won't they" prologue. The second we see her psychiatrist, Michael Glass (David Morrissey who is so much better than this, I really don't know what the hell he was thinking) we know that they'll end up sleeping together and he'll end up obsessed with her and ultimately she's setting him up to take the fall for her. So why make us wait so long for it, to wade through reels of tedium and motivations that beggar belief to get to the plot itself?

Once the plot does kick in properly, assuming the audience haven't gnawed their own arms off to relieve the boredom, the film then tries too hard to muddy the waters and thicken said plot but it's all to no avail. When Tramell visits the defeated Glass, incarcerated in an asylum at the end and hands him a copy of her new book, and puts forth the possibility that Glass is really bonkers and is responsible for the film's body count, it's so pointless I wanted to scream. Why so pointless? I refer you to my previous note to the creative team. Rather than thinking "oh that's neat I wonder if he really could be responsible" the whole audience is thinking "clearly it was you all along, Catherine, now shut up and roll the fucking credits already".

So what's left? The performances. David Thewlis clearly knew he was on to a loser from the off and so decided to ham it up mercilessly and in a Welsh accent to boot (it is he who delivers the line in the subject heading). Hugh Dancy had the right idea, appearing in 2 scenes before being killed off. Charlotte Rampling is of course glorious, a shining beacon of brilliance in a sea of mediocrity.

And then there's Sharon. Crazy Sharon. She can't act. At all. Not even a little bit. And she never has been able to. She has exactly one good performance to her name, in Total Recall of all things. Her delivery, as she beats up Arnie, of "That's for making me come to Mars. You know how much I hate this fucking planet." is a joy. But everything since then, first Basic Instinct included, has been shabby, to say the least. Her inexplicably lauded turn in Casino is painfully bad, hell even her cameo on Roseanne demonstrated how entirely lacking in comic timing she was. Here, her acting, if you can call it that, is stymied further by the fact she's had so much plastic surgery her face is all but immobile. There have been some absolutely corking reviews, one of which referred to her as having the face of a tightly made bed and another which said that it was like watching someone's overly made up mum doing an impression of Sharon Stone playing Catherine Tramell. Both are right, and if for no other reason, this film should be seen just to take in the true awfulness that is Sharon Stone's performance.

But that's not all that's awful about La Stone. As I mentioned in the above paragraph, she has discovered the delights of plastic surgery. To the max. Her face has been so lifted and Botoxed that ironically she doesn't look good for her age. And she is frighteningly, painfully thin. When she disrobes to reveal ribs you could play the glockenspiel on and horrible horrible horrible fake boobs, it is a truly unpleasant sight. In fact, every time I looked at her in the film, I couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere there was a crypt going unkept. As if to underline just how much surgery she's had and how bad it's made her look, several times throughout, Sharon stands next to Charlotte Rampling. 12 years older than Stone and seemingly untouched by plastic surgeons, Rampling looks absolutely glorious, radiating a natural beauty Stone couldn't match if she tried. And my God does it look like she tried. One more shot of Botox and the only role Stone will be getting is if they make Mannequin 3: On The Outs.

Is it me, or

Is this one of the best posters in years? The film itself may end up being a big sucky mess, but that is one phenomenal poster.

Alcohol and iPods

How funny that Grouchbutt mentioned in his blog about how great it is when your iPod plays the song you love and how dumb it is to think that because you loaded the iPod with the music in the first place. See, on Thursday night I went out and I got very drunk and on the 45 minute walk home, I listened to my iPod. On my iPod there is a playlist simply titled Miscellaneous which contains B sides, album tracks from albums I didn't like enough to load the whole thing on and also CD singles and downloaded stuff. In other words, miscellany. Anyway, it's 81 tracks long and I decided to put it on shuffle on my walk home and it played me the following:

This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us - Sparks
There Are Worse Things I Could Do - Alison Moyet
Privilege To Pee - Urinetown
...Baby One More Time - Travis
The Queen & The Soldier (Live) - Suzanne Vega
Unforgivable Sinner - Lene Marlin
All The Wasted Time - Parade

ALL of which I haven't heard in ages and all of which made me very happy. But the last song there, from Parade, I was so drunk and the last part of my walk home is through a park that at pushing midnight was devoid of people. And when I get drunk, I could out-lip synch Lypsinka. And I love All The Wasted Time. And I got terribly carried away in my drunken state. It was fun.

And I needed some fun after what has been a very intense week and included a visit to the cinema to see Basic Instinct 2, a review of which will be coming later today, along with a more detailed overview of my week.

Isn't she rich enough already?

Madonna has announced her new tour schedule and prices. For her UK dates, the top price is a whopping £160, with the cheapest ticket still a monstrously unaffordable £80. Now, I run hot and cold with Madonna but the Re-Invention Tour is the greatest gig I have ever seen and the current album is her strongest in a L O N G time. But come on. The woman has more money than she could ever possibly spend. She could charge £10 a ticket and not even notice. It makes me a little ill that she's charging so much, to be honest. I won't be going.

Brighton, we have a problem

Yeah so just when everything starts to come together in my life, something comes along and whips the rug right out from under me.

Those of you keeping up with current events will know that I took a job in Brighton with a view to working freelance for the NY company in my spare time and then going to NY in October and working for them full time. I've been with my Brighton job for two weeks now and I really enjoy the job and my boss is lovely Factoring in it's a tiny team of us (there's 5 of us) dealing with a LOT of work, one person leaving does have a huge effect. And so I dropped the NY people a line earlier in the week as the visa applications open on Monday to see how things were progressing. And that's when they tell me they are opening a London office and would love me to work there full time until October when they'd transfer me to NYC.

Now of course, I'm thrilled. But as well as Brighton, I am also going to be fucking over my friend who has been my savior since I got back to the UK. I can't stay in Brighton when I work full time in London, it's just not feasible, especially when I live a 20 minute walk (up a hill, people) from the train station in Brighton, AND there's a subway journey the other end to get to the office. And the train journey itself is an hour. If it runs on time, though I have frequently taken the train and the journey has taken 75 minutes. My friend currently lives with her emotionally fragile sister and this week I started paying said sister some rent as she is moving out in July to live with her boyfriend. Originally, I was going to take over her room until October and give my friend some more breathing space to find someone else to move in. You know, that's the least I could do after being allowed to live here rent free for 5 months. But now I need to find a way to tell her that this can no longer happen. I don't think I will even try and get out of paying the sister the back rent I owe her though.

Why is nothing in my life ever simple? WHY couldn't my US employers have offered me this in the fucking first place and I could have been back in London by now, temping there and waiting for the office to be set up and everybody's happy? Why do I now have to completely uproot myself, ruin my friend and her sister's plan not to mention piss off my lovely boss? I have already decided I will give her as much notice as possible to replace me AND stay and train the newbie so to make it as smooth and painless as possible for her. Also, this means I can give my friend and her sister the same amount of notice. Hopefully this will soften the blows all round, but I'd much rather not have to deal with this.

Still, I'm keeping my eyes on the prize and I have to remember in the long run I am achieving something I have wanted for years. I could have done with less collateral damage though, I have to admit.

Dream a little dream of me

Have you ever had a dream so effed up that you have realised it's a dream but then you've woken up and can't remember anything about it except it was effed up? Anyone? Since discovering such a thing was possible, I have been having a go at what's called "lucid dreaming". It hasn't been at all successful so far though last night I did get as far as realising it was a dream. Which was something. All I remember is at the end of the dream, I was watching a concert that seemed to be given by Alanis Morrissette and a very very young Eliza Dushku on backing vocals. And the song they were singing was wedged in my head for about an hour after I woke up and then it was forgotten.

Work at AmEx is fun. I'm already really good at the job and the boss loves me so there you are. I think it was helped by the fact that the girl who started the same day as me is as dumb as a box of hair. Within the first few hours, she had asked about working overtime for a different department which of course went down like a lead balloon. Since then, it's been so crazy that there have been two opportunities for overtime and she has not stayed on. Is it me?

Oh how I wish I was a kid again

I'm troubled. The other day I was listening to Ute Lemper's album Berlin Cabaret Songs most of which were written in response to the rise of Nazism and the end of Weimar Germany and WWII. What was so horribly troubling about these incredible songs was how they are all still relevant to the world today. And their relevance actually increases with each passing day. One song in particular strikes such a chord with what is happening in the USA right now I have decided to transcribe the lyrics here. It's called Munchhausen:


I came across a wondrous tree, as prickly as a porcupine
This cactus tree bore luscious fruit and giant roses red as wine
It rose so high into the sky, its top was far far out of sight
Its leaves recoiled from the day and then they turned to gold at night
And if you bored into its bark, hot coffee poured out rich and dark

Chorus:
Liar liar liar liar liar liar
I'm sick and tired of lies from you
But how I wish your lies were true
Liar liar liar liar liar liar
Truth is hard and tough as nails
That's why we need fairy tales
I'm all through with logical conclusions
Why should I deny myself illusions?

I saw a film the other day that really varied from the norm
There were no soldiers on parade and no-one marched in uniform
Its heroes were not supermen and no-one even shot a gun
The audience still loved the film though not a single war was won
But I was really shocked to see this film was made in Germany

Chorus

I saw a court of law where all the justices were just again
Where all the lawyers worked for free and all of them were honest men
You could be rich, you could be poor, you could be Christian or a Jew
Your politics did not have sway on how a judge would rule on you
Their hearts were young, their minds were free, they judged all man equally

I saw a woman trying hard to feed her family of ten
She was poor and destitute and worse was pregnant once again
She knew what they would say in church, she sought a doctor out instead
Who told her if she had the child, she herself might well end dead
Then in the calm and gentle voice he said "the law says it's your choice"

Chorus

I saw a brave republic where one banner flew for all to see
Its stripes of red and black and gold proclaim a new democracy
All banners from the past were banned, the empire's black and white and red
Yes now the black and red and gold was flying everywhere instead
And nowhere will you see those flags which sport the thing that zigs and zags

Chorus

I saw a land that hated war and melted all its weapons down
to build a boat of love for kids who planned to sail from town to town
declaring peace for all the world, let killing now come to an end
Embrace your enemies instead, your former foe is now your friend
Every conflict now will cease and all of us will live in peace

Chorus


While I was trying to find the lyrics on a website to save myself having to type them out I came across some reviews for the cabaret show Lemper did last year called Blood & Feathers where she performed this song and all of them mention the continuing relevance of the song. But there also many others on the same CD that could have been written last year rather than 60 odd years ago, The Lavender Song, Chuck Out The Men!, Oh How We Wish That We Were Kids Again all sent chills down my spine as I listened to them. I would love someone other than Lemper to re-interpret these songs and bring them back into the public eye, use them to make a statement, someone like oh I don't know Megan Mullally maybe. She has proven with a couple of tracks that she has the right sound and style to tackle songs from Weill and Brecht, she could if she so desired extend that repertoire. I would love to see it done. Alas, it's all a pipe dream.

The Three What Of Who Now?

It's been a few days since I last blogged. I haven't really been feeling it. I wanted to write and entry about The Hills Have Eyes but it was even worse than I feared it would be and I really couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Saw some other films but even though I enjoyed these a whole lot more (The Proposition, Syriana), I again couldn't be bothered to blog about them. Plus I fell asleep for 10 minutes half way through Syriana and consequently had no freaking clue what was happening for the rest of the damn film.

Today I went to an early(ish) press screening of The Three Burials Of Melquiades Estrada which is utterly tremendous. While Tommy Lee Jones still mumbles like a son of a bitch and I still hate him for winning the Oscar for his long distance phone call of a performance in The Fugitive over Leonardo DiCaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, there's no denying he's a very fine director. And it's nice that Barry Pepper can still get work after Battlefield Earth.

Also over the weekend, I went to see V For Vendetta. Its five month delay didn't fill me with a great deal of hope I must admit, especially as the reason for the delay was a load of shit (the London bombings were cited, yet the film was scheduled to open in November, the bombings occurred in July and furthermore, the original "remember remember" campaign for the original release date didn't start until AFTER the bombings). Also, it has the taint of the Wachowski brothers involvement, who will never be forgiven for the Matrix sequels. Ever. So I was truly surprised when it was extremely entertaining and, for a first time director, very confidently put together. Natalie Portman was astonishing as Evey, nailing the accent (not without the occasional slip, but hey) and delivering a very nuanced performance. There were unexpected delights in the shape of Stephen Fry and Rupert Graves as well as a level of intelligence and ideas not commonly associated with films like these. The imagery at the end of the film was very powerful indeed.

In other news, tomorrow I enter back into the world of full time employment. I have been out of work now since July 9th 2005 and I am so ready to have a job again I can't even tell you. It's with American Express, so hopefully there will be some fun benefits to the job. We'll see. I start at 10am, then it's Mon-Fri 9-5. I haven't had a schedule like that in 6 years, so it should be fun.

Bree Season

Yeah, I know I know, the title is a pun, not a typo. This season of Desperate Housewives without a doubt belongs to Bree Van Der Kamp and I wouldn't be at all surprised to see Marcia Cross do a clean sweep of the award shows next year. Over here in the UK we are only up to the death of scary George after Bree discovers he offed her husband, so it's all to play for but already she's had so many incredible moments and has nailed every single one of them. Last year the awards initially went to Teri Hatcher, presumably to celebrate the fact she wasn't starving in a gutter somewhere, before finally they realised that the first season in fact belonged to Felicity Huffman. Hopefully the fact that this season has been decidedly weak so far won't deny Marcia Cross from her rightful moment of glory.

And speaking of characters named Bree, I saw a press screening of Transamerica this morning. There's been much hoo ha over Felicity Huffman winning a huge amount of awards and missing out on the Oscar for her performance. And it is an incredible performance, subtle, measured, pretty much pitch perfect. Unfortunately, the formulaic script and direction undermine her incredible characterisation. The rest of the film is full of stereotypes rather than characters and nothing is really resolved in a satisfactory manner. I was just left thinking that while the film deserved a lot of praise for a lack of sentimentality and mawkishness and the sensitive handling of the subject matter, it could have been better. Kevin Zegers was distractingly beautiful and very talented as her wayward teenage son, but even he was nothing but a collection of clichés and the big moment of discovery with Bree's identity is horribly forced. So it's a case of nearly but not quite. Ah well.

Keep repeating "It's only a movie, it's only a movie...."

Ok, I was going to stay out of talking about the Oscars and the fact that Brokeback Mountain didn't win Best Picture because I didn't care. I disagreed so strongly with so many of the nominations and some people who were overlooked that the second they were announced, I stopped caring. Consequently when Crash (a film I really enjoyed) pulled of that upset, I was pleased for the film but I wasn't bothered. I wasn't surprised either. Race is something the Academy have been relentlessly bashed about for years and years and years and it's something that they have addressed in the past few years with the "historic" year of Halle Berry and Denzel Washington winning being the starting point. Morgan Freeman has won, Don Cheadle and Sophie Okenedo have been nominated and so on. So is it surprising that a film set in present day Los Angeles and dealing with just how widespread racism really is and the effects it can have scoops Best Picture? Not to me. This way they can finally say they're not racist. And they did it with a good and worthwhile, if occasionally forced and heavy handed, movie. But of course, not everyone sees it that way. There has been such an insane amount of uproar since the Oscars that I have become increasingly embarrassed for people who are getting themselves in such a tizzy over what is, at the end of the day, an awards show. For movies.

The Academy has been accused of homophobia. But that just doesn't wash. The entertainment industry is the gayest one there is and if major Hollywood stars have sham marriages, it isn't because Hollywood is homophobic, but because Hollywood thinks the world is. They've happily doled out Oscars to gay performances (Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, William Hurt in Kiss Of The Spiderwoman, hell they even awarded Linda Hunt Best Supporting Actress for playing a man in The Year Of Living Dangerously) and nominated them all over the shop too (The Crying Game got a truckload of nominations and only won a couple, I don't recall this kind of furore happening then). In 1970, Midnight Cowboy and its openly gay director John Schlesinger were awarded Best Picture and Director. The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert rightly won Best Costume Design and Tim Chappel accepted the award in a dress. So it's not like they've NEVER awarded edgy gay material or people before ever. Ok, it's not like they do it very often, but if Hollywood could come to understand that the world isn't as homophobic as it thinks, and all the closeted talent came out, we'd find they've awarded a whole lot more gay people than we realise.

So why am I blogging about it now. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? (did you see what I did there?) Well, dear readers, it was this. Click it and read it if you feel like wading through 240 pages of ridiculousness. In short, DaveCullen.com and all the people who frequent the message boards there were so upset that Jack & Ennis's love was killed by the Academy (that's a direct quote from them) that they decided to raise money to place an ad in Variety proclaiming that Brokeback was the best picture of the year and listing all the other awards the film has won. The cost? In excess of EIGHTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. Could they think of nothing better to spend the money on? Is anyone who voted for Crash picking up Variety this morning and going "oh well this makes all the difference! What was I thinking? Rescind the award!"? Of course they aren't. More likely, they're dismissing the ad out of hand. And who, frankly, could blame them? Let's not lose sight of the fact that it's a film. An important film, but still a film. And it's a film, I would wager, whose importance isn't diminished by losing the Oscar. But if anyone associated with the film opened Variety today and thought anything other than "Dear God, is this for real?", I'd be hugely surprised.

Getting to know me

So I was emailed one of those question things that everyone loves to send so much. Rather than email it to people, I decided to fill it in and put it on my blog, just for the fun of it. So here it is.



1.. What time did you get up this morning?

Ugh, woke up at some ungodly hour of 8:30am but then refused to get out of bed until 10:15am


2.. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds. Oh, and pearls.


3.. What was the last film that you saw at the cinema?

The New World and for the fourth time ever in my life, I walked out of a film. It was so very painfully slow and incoherent and when, at the 90 minute mark, a red headed English maid popped up with a "cor blimey lawd luv a duck" accent, I was like "ok, I have had enough" and made a run for it.

4.. What is your favorite TV show?

Do I have to pick just one? Ok then, Six Feet Under

5.. What did you have for breakfast?

Toasted cheese sandwich. Health health health.


6.. What is your middle name?

William.

7.. What is your favorite cuisine?

Chinese!


8.. What foods do you dislike?

Brussel sprouts with a passion. I was forced to eat cold undercooked sprouts on a school trip so as not to upset the chef and have never to this day eaten another.

9.. What is your favorite potato chip?

Baked Doritos.


10.. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

I'm VERY fond of the "Official Bootlegs" that Tori Amos put out, I have to say.


11.. What kind of car do you drive?

First of all, I can't afford to own a car. Second of all, if I could afford it, I still wouldn't. I wasn't the safest of drivers, so I think for everyone's sanity, it's best I don't drive.


12.. Favorite sandwich?

Mozzerella, ham and cheese on toasted ciabatta.


13.. What characteristics do you despise?

Well, people who know me who are reading this know the answer to this one. Passive aggressive behavior drives me absolutely up the fucking wall.


14.. What are your favorite clothes?

I'm really not much of a clothes horse. T shirt and jeans does me fine.


15.. If you could go anywhere on vacation, where
WOULDN'T you go?

Anywhere that requires a pre trip vaccination.


16.. What is your eye color?

Blue/green.


17.. Favorite brand of clothing?

Well, when I can afford and fit into them, I plan to shop at Guess? a whole hell of a lot.


18.. Where would you like to retire?

Hell, when I get to NY, I am never leaving.


19.. Favorite time of day?

Twilight, whatever time it happens to be.


20.. Where were you born?

RAF Hospital in Ely, I do believe.


21.. Favorite sport to watch?

I have a few. Ice skating, gymnastics, rhythmic gymnastics and diving.


22.. Coke or Pepsi?

This is a tough one. I do love diet coke. And I love vanilla diet coke with a passion, but it's slowly disappearing. But I also adore diet wild cherry pepsi and the new pepsi max coffee flavor is divine.


23.. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Very much a night owl. Mornings should be outlawed.


24.. What did you want to be when you were little?

Famous. Not for anything in particular, just famous.


25.. What is your best childhood memory?

My parents had some wonderful friends, and two of them were very rich. So rich, that they had a poolhouse built in their yard. When it was completed and the pool was filled and such, they threw a MASSIVE party to christen it, inviting all their friends and their kids. It was a very long day of swimming, eating, drinking, it was so much fun.


26.. What are the different jobs you have had in your
life.

Lord, let me think. Well, my parents owned a supermarket so I worked for them throughout school. Then at university, I got a weekend job in a bookshop. Moved to London, got a job as a runner in a film company. After 18 months, jacked that in and went to the Prince Edward Theatre box office. After 6 years of that, I went to NY to pursue my dream of living and working there, and that's still panning out.

27.. Nicknames?

I'm sure I have some I don't know about, but on the whole I really don't like nicknames.

28.. Ever been to Africa?

Nope.

29.. Ever been toilet papering?

Oh hell no

30.. Ever been in a car accident?

Yes. Remember earlier I said I wasn't the best driver. Well, I had a lucky escape when I turned my car over when the tires blew out after I took a corner too fast. I was unharmed and two weeks later a guy in the same village as me did the exact same thing and was killed.

31.. Favorite day of the week?

Well I haven't worked since July so it's all much of a muchness. But Sunday.


32.. Favorite Restaurant?

The Renaissance Diner :-)


33.. Favorite flower?

Oh come on. I'm gay but I'm not THAT gay.


34.. Favorite ice cream?

Coldstone's cake batter!


35.. Favorite fast food?

Mexican


36.. How many times did you fail your driving test?

Just once. Surprisingly.

37.. Which store would you choose to max out your
credit card?

Barnes & Noble.

38.. Bedtime?

Right now, it's been anywhere between 1 and 3am.


39.. Last person you went to dinner with?

My friend Josie. We went for Sunday lunch and it was lovely.

40.. What are you listening to right now?

Nothing! Pure silence


41.. What is your favorite color?

Blue. Sometimes red.

42.. How many tattoos do you have?

One I guess. It's a collection of runic symbols that you can see in my main profile pic. It's one phrase, but it's 13 symbols. So I have one tattoo, but it's made of 13 tattoos.

One more thing

Alright I don't want to spend the next month on my blog going "and a year ago today" but, it occurred to me when I read over the list of shows that I missed one out. HurlyBurly. There's a story to it too.

See, it was a bitterly BITTERLY cold Wednesday and I decided to try my luck at the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels lottery. $25 for front row seats. It was the day before their opening night so I figured I was guaranteed the full cast and they'd be on top form. I was the first name pulled out for the lottery so I got front row center aisle. Go me. As soon as the show let out, I headed over to Theatre Row for HurlyBurly. I should explain at this point that it was (at that time) a limited run in a tiny theatre. And because they'd cast Ethan Hawke, Bobby Cannavale and Parker Posey, the whole run was sold out. So I was taking a chance with any tickets being returned. I got to the box office at 5pm and they said I could wait but it was unlikely to happen. Well, I figured it was freezing outside and I was first in the returns line and I could wait inside in the warm, so what the hell. At ten minutes to eight, a girl who was part of a group had an extra ticket and sold it to me for ten bucks off. So the theatre gods really were smiling on me that day. Bobby Cannavale and Parker Posey's performances were both utterly incredible. Well worth sitting through a deeply unpleasant and L O N G play for.