And now it's time to honour the original hot guy I had in mind when Britain's insanity caused me to choose Stefan Booth instead. Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Mabius. I get a little cross when people start talking about this new hot guy who is so cute on Ugly Betty. I have enjoyed his talents since Cruel Intentions in 1999 so all these Johnny Come Latelys need to back off, he's mine, MINE I tell you!
And now that's clear, here's the pictures :-).
That's right. Just like last year. I have kept all the toings and froings of this off my blog as I had planned a victorious "I've finally got my visa" entry when everything was done and dusted. And all my friends who knew what was going on all said they knew this time it would work out. Well, it didn't.
When I was over in NY in January, I stressed to the company hiring me how important it was we filed on the first day of applications being processed, which was April 2nd. I met with my lawyer and we worked out a timetable that would get all their paperwork to them at the earliest possible opportunity and the latest date she would require it back to her in order to send the application off by the end of March. And so with that in place, I thought surely nothing could go wrong this time. Ha! My lawyer dropped the ball and for some reason didn't send anything to them until two weeks AFTER the date we had initially agreed on. And so my application was not ready to be filed until this Friday just gone, April 6th. Which in previous years would not have been too much of a problem. But this year, the USCIS announced that they received the full quota by April 3rd and any applications received after that will not be processed.
A bill was introduced into Congress on March 23rd to increase the H-1 quota almost three times over to 180,000. If it is successful and the increase is with immediate effect, then I'll be on my way. If not, then I'll be stuck in the UK for yet another year.
I realise this flies in the face of last month's weight loss edition, but there you are. Anyway, I bake a fine cake, or so I am told. The company I work for have a tradition of if it's your birthday then you bring in goodies to share with your team members. A little bit backwards if you ask me but there you have it. Anyway, I baked a cake once for someone and it went down such a storm that it started becoming something of a tradition. The biggest irony is the cake I baked for my birthday was a disaster and went in the bin. Ha!
The top picture is my colleague Hiroko. It wasn't her birthday, she was celebrating (if that's the right word) ten years of being with the company. I had baked the Nigella Lawson Nutella Cake for her. It was phenomenal. The next picture is the cake she baked me for my birthday. It's a red velvet cake but she was wary of the red food dye so it's really just a velvet cake. To the right of it you can see the cookies I baked in place of my cake disaster that was thrown away. Next pic down is the cake I baked for a German colleague who loves kirsch and cherries. It's a rich chocolate cake, but instead of using plain chocolate for it, I used Green & Blacks luxury dark chocolate with dried cherries and the topped it off with some kirsch soaked chocolate covered cherries (they were from a posh organic chocolate shop so they weren't covered, they were enrobed. Whatever). The final pic is a close up of my birthday cake because it's my blog and it's all about me.
Sorry I've been a bit impersonal of late. There's something huge going down right now and until everything is settled I am not breathing a word of it on here. So keep your eyes peeled for a big update later in the week. Hopefully.
All images are from website Mike-Vogel.com. Isn't he yummy? I only really started paying attention to him in the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre so I was a bit annoyed when he was the first one to die. At least he made it to the end of Poseidon. And he comes across fantastically in the making of documentary about Texas Chainsaw, that if you were indifferent to his charms beforehand, you would at least think he was cute after you watched it. 
Bit of a slender month this time. Probably because next month sees the start of the summer onslaught. But anyway.
April 6th: 
This is going to be, I would wager, utterly naff and not in the least bit frightening. But it stars Dylan McDermott and I love him. 
A tricky prospect, this one. Much delayed after spending an entire year in post production, it could go either way. I don't rate Danny Boyle as a director at all (I absolutely LOATHE Trainspotting) and Alex Garland wrote The Beach, a book which bored me to tears. However, the premise is intriguing and the early word is that the film is relentlessly paced and more than a little terrifying. We'll see...
April 13th: 
The film which I currently think unfairly stole the Oscar from Pan's Labyrinth. My opinion may well change after I see it of course. 
From one extreme to the other. This looks like it's going to be deliciously, gloriously, fantastically bad. I can't wait. 
Despite the fact far far far FAR too much is given away in the trailer for this, I still want to see it. Even though I'm sure I already know the ending thanks to the relentless previews. Seriously, it's a twisty turny conspiracy thriller, so why reveal the identity of the bad guy in the trailer? Why?
April 20th: 
I love Ryan Gosling, I think he's an incredible actor. By all accounts his performance in this film is really something. I can't wait. 
This will be rubbish, I'm fairly certain. It's also much delayed and is being rush released now to presumably cash in on the success of 300.
Clearly, April is the month for dumping the much delayed projects in which the studios have lost all hope. Check out the original release date on the poster. It looks like it will be rubbish and as it stars Hilary Swank April would also be the month that sees Oscar winning actors in ill advised movies.
April 27th: 
Ah it looks like a Merchant Ivory film. Even if this film is boring to watch (and given its cast, I doubt it will be), it will be glorious to look at. 
Nicolas Cage would seem to prove my point about April and Oscar winning actors. The story of a man who can see into the future by a few minutes and the nuclear disaster he can help to avert sounds, well, shit. But it might be good shit.
I should start by saying my reason for going had nothing to do with Daniel Radcliffe. If anything, the thought of seeing someone who has been famous since they were 11 in the nude was enough to put me off. But I love the play and was interested to see it properly staged, Richard Griffith is always good value for money and Will Kemp is yummy.
Ultimately, I would have to say this is a gorgeous production of a fascinating play that has been dampened by some average performances. The dancers playing the horses were all riveting to watch, especially Kemp. In his dual role as the horseman whose horse gives six year old Alan Strang his first taste of equine excitement, I was truly impressed how he could run round the stage with 11 stone of teenager on his back and only be mildly out of breath at the end of it. The climactic blinding scene was, quite frankly, astonishing. Jenny Agutter was interestingly stiff and uptight as the magistrate who has tried Strang's case. Joanna Christie was impressive as the stable girl whose innocent attempted seduction of Strang ends so disastrously. Jonathan Cullen and Gabrielle Ready's performances as Strang's parents were utterly horrible though. Horrible.
Daniel Radcliffe has grown up in public. His performances in the Potter movies have steadily improved so I was hopeful that his first appearance on stage proper (I don't really count a cameo in The Play What I Wrote) in such a complex and meaty role, would show up the fact that he has really grown into his talent. Unfortunately, it just showed up that without the artifice of film to hide behind, he ultimately isn't very talented. His Alan Strang was disappointingly one-note and lacking in nuance. I wasn't sat there thinking "fucking hell you're awful" or anything and I wouldn't go as far as saying he embarrassed himself, he just wasn't all that great. What did help was the chemistry he has with Griffith, who was great in a role that he is technically not really right for.
And for the record, my inner Mary Whitehouse was far more appalled to see Harry Potter smoke a cigarette than she was to see him naked. Go figure.
The original candidate for today's HGM has been bumped. Why? Over the weekend I watched Dancing On Ice: Champion Of Champions. It's a guilty secret that I love the ice skating and got addicted to this show last year as well as this year. Anyway, last year Stefan Booth came second and as well as being incredibly hot, he also came across in interviews as being absolutely lovely. So I was NOT HAPPY when he skated really well in the Champion Of Champions and was marked lowest by the judges. Lower than that vile beast Bonnie Langford and SHE FELL OVER. Anyway, before I go off into what would undoubtedly become a long and incoherent rant, let me interrupt myself. Ladies and Gentlemen, Stefan Booth: 
I'm sure by now people are aware of the controversy over the abandoned polar bear cub in Germany. Knut and his twin brother were rejected by their mother and Knut's twin died from exposure. One of the zoo keepers has saved Knut and is hand rearing him, which has caused some activists to criticise said keeper and his kind heart. Clearly, these people have not seen the pictures of Knut.
If anyone scanned through those pictures and didn't at some point go "awwwww", then please check your pulse because I think you may be dead. Or at least dead on the inside.
Interesting. Very reminiscent of the Strange Little Girls artwork. And I'm in agreement with Undented, I think the album will be a gatefold digipak type affair, if the size of this cover image is anything to go by.
No, NOT the ginger haired ex husband of Billie Piper. Instead, I thought I would start Hot Guy Monday with someone who has been both literally and figuratively hot on screen. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Human Torch himself, the other Chris Evans.
And sidebar, I like the acronym of my blog title. Anyway, I have been inspired by my good friend Eric who has a little something on his blog he likes to call "Jared Friday". Check it out. So, starting this Monday, I am going to have a little something called "Hot Guy Monday". It's self explanatory. Stop by on Monday for the first dose of hotness.
I went to see Inland Empire over the weekend. David Lynch is on record as saying that to him the film makes total, absolute sense. He's also on record as saying the title should always be capitalised, which is precisely why I haven't done that.
When it got to the point where Laura Dern finds herself in a hotel room and a bunch of prostitutes quite literally appear out of nowhere before one of them takes their top off and then they all do a dance routine to "The Locomotion", I realised why Lynch thinks this film makes sense; it's a practical joke. David Lynch is having a laugh. Film academics will be intellectually masturbating over this film for years to come, searching for the hidden meaning, trying to unravel the fractured narrative and banging on about Lynch's flair for dream logic and haunting imagery. But really, there's nothing there. And Lynch knows it. And he's enjoying watching people wax profound over what is essentially a three hour whoopee cushion. Well I didn't fall for it. I thought it was absolute bollocks. I didn't mind the first 45 minutes, I was sort of intrigued by it. That was it though. Shame.
Now that I have some time, due to refusing all overtime shifts for the weekend as I figured my birthday was reason enough for a break, I shall reveal the reason for the earlier post asking if we all knew what increase and decrease mean.
Work has gotten less crazed and busy as the months have gone on, working on a travel based product has that as an advantage. Consequently, as people have left the department, they have not been replaced as the workload hasn't merited it. Fair enough. For a couple of months, it was just my boss, me and a fantastic colleague who I loved and who was super smart with it. She of course got herself another job. Bitch. So after weeks of deliberation, my boss hired a new girl. On her third day in the job, as I was showing her how to print off statements, she asked me the now infamous question:
"What does decrease mean?"
Several bitchy retorts ran through my brain, not least "it means you must have been raised by wolves". But I explained it to her and we moved on. THE NEXT DAY she then asked me what increase meant. At this point I should have said "it means you're too dumb to do this job, now go home".
The best part of this is though, I took my boss to one side to voice my concerns about her level of intellect and was absolutely gobsmacked when she told me I was being unreasonable to expect someone who is almost 24 years old and who apparently went to school at least once AND who just landed a job working in a financial institution, to know what those words meant. I am quite literally surrounded by idiots. It's going to be a LONG six months.....
1. Yo, George 1:25 *
2. Big Wheel 3:18
3. Bouncing Off Clouds 4:08
4. Teenage Hustling 4:00
5. Digital Ghost 3:50
6. You Can Bring Your Dog 4:04
7. Mr. Bad Man 3:18
8. Fat Slut 0:41 *
9. Girl Disappearing 4:00
10. Secret Spell 4:04
11. Devils and Gods 0:53 *
12. Body and Soul 3:56
13. Father’s Son 3:59
14. Programmable Soda 1:25 *
15. Code Red 5:27
16. Roosterspur Bridge 3:58
17. Beauty of Speed 4:08
18. Almost Rosey 5:23
19. Velvet Revolution 1:19 *
20. Dark Side of The Sun 4:16
According to Undented, this is verified as correct for the track listing of the new Tori album. At just 15 tracks (the ones marked with an * are apparently brief interludes) the running time for this album is a little over 66 minutes, far shorter than her previous two albums. Whether that turns out to be a good thing or not remains to be heard.
Happy hump day everyone. Firstly I would like to thank everyone who left a kind comment on my recent photo blogging entry. And secondly I would like to add that the reason for the post below asking about increase and decrease will soon become clear. So far, only Grouchbutt has dared say anything on there, but it's not a trick or loaded question, I promise.
And now without further ado, on to the celebrity caught on camera inadvertently demonstrating they have other talents. This time: Dominic Monaghan. 
Seems like everyone's favourite hobbit could pack quite a punch, no? Gives some truth to the whole "short guys have whopping great cocks" generalisation, doesn't it?
If you are reading this entry and you know what increase and decrease mean and you've known since you were a child what they mean, please post a comment.
Check it:
Jan 2004, I am an absolutely whopping 300lbs. Don't focus on the headband and the sword, look at my insanely enormous thighs! And my pudgy hands. I never thought I was that big, until I saw this picture.
One Year Ago: 
This is my work ID. I'm less hefty, no? Now let's discuss that this is without doubt the worst photo of me ever taken. When it was being done, the guy was all "do you want to approve it?" and I said I didn't care. Then I saw it. And boy did I regret being so devil may care. I think as a birthday treat I'm going to get my picture redone, so I look less like a serial killer who escaped from a mental asylum without brushing his hair. Anyway....
Today: 
Five minutes ago, in fact. I am really quite proud of myself for losing as much weight as I have. I'm not done yet, I'd like to lose another 30lbs or so. But from January of 2004 up to today has been a long and difficult journey so I think I'm allowed to be pleased with the results.
Another late radar entry, my excuse this time being February is too short and I'm working too many hours. Anyway....
Today. 
This looks like being the best ever guilty pleasure movie. I chose this poster from the approximately 900 different ones I found because first of all it was the most ridiculous. Second of all, it still bears the movie's original release date of last summer, so the fact that it has been unceremoniously dumped into the first quarter of 2007, when it's much quieter at the box office, leads me to believe it's a sack of shit. And it's from the director of DareDevil, a guilty pleasure film I love. So it's bound to be a winner.
Also up today is the delayed release of the already delayed The Illusionist.
March 9th (My birthday, incidentally):
Ah, Steven Soderbergh. I do enjoy your movies, but you can be a self indulgent asshat sometimes. Ocean's 12 was unbearably smug and this has a killer cast but looks like it might be a little bit too in love with itself. But come on, with a cast like that, how am I going to not see it? I would watch Cate Blanchett in anything. Did we see her Oscars get up? Stunning. 
A tricky one. I struck David Lynch off my Christmas card list after Mulholland Drive. I hated how he took what was an intriguing two hour TV pilot and then buggered it up with 30 minutes of incoherent nonsense. Well, the naysayers for this latest effort are saying he skipped the first part and went straight for the incoherent nonsense. For three hours. But the pro- Lynch brigade are calling it his finest film, a work of art. And apparently Laura Dern's performance is intense. So maybe I'll give it a shot. 
This looks like Wolf Creek by way of The Hitcher
and the early reviews have been quite complimentary, if critical of the ending, which is no surprise. And Scott Mechlowicz is very easy on the eye. 
I was unfairly dismissive of Anne Hathaway almost a year ago on here when she appeared in Vanity Fair's annual Hollywood issue. Since then she has grown on me a little and so I'm intrigued to see how she pulls this off. Although I have to wonder, after this and Miss Potter, whether there is an embargo on British authors being portrayed by British actresses. Again, she's surrounded by a fantastic cast. I love James McAvoy and Julie Walters but I am most excited to see Anna Maxwell Martin, my love for whom is well documented, appearing in the movie.
March 16th: 
This may have featured in an earlier radar entry as it's been hugely delayed. But I'm too lazy to double check. Anyway, I think this would have been better with first choice Samantha Morton in the lead role and the fact that the Arbus estate withheld the rights to ALL her work does not bode well. But I do love me some Robert Downey Jr. 
Another tricky one. I love the trailer, I love Sandra Bullock and as for Julian McMahon, well, he could make me his bitch anytime he wanted and twice on Sundays. It looks like a great idea but that doesn't mean to say something won't get effed up on the way to the screen. We'll see. It'll be great or it'll be a guilty pleasure, I just hope it's not so bad it's bad.
March 23rd: 
An interesting and different idea for a film. I have no knowledge of where the song came from so I can actually watch and learn. I can only imagine that between this and HBO's Rome, London's West End has been a wasteland as pretty much every theatre actor who wasn't in Rome is in this. And some, Ciaran Hinds, are in both, which is just greedy.
Another tricky prospect. I have not enjoyed a single Richard Linklater film, with the exception of School Of Rock. I enjoyed the book but does it really need a feature film made out of it? Wouldn't a documentary be better?
At this point you're probably thinking I put the wrong poster up. You'd be wrong. While I am not a lover of the rom-coms, I just can't help but LOVE Jennifer Garner. There's something about her so inherently likeable, isn't there? She may not be the most gifted actress (though she acquitted herself in fine comic style in 13 Going On 30) and she may bear a passing resemblance to Hilary Swank, but I still love her. And Timothy Olyphant? If he wants to tag team me with Julian McMahon, then who am I to say no?
And if Marky Mark wants to join the party, then I say let him. Wow, this post is making me sound so easy isn't it? Anyway, this movie looks like forgettable nonsense, but fun forgettable nonsense. As much as I want to see him naked, I haven't quite gotten over how bad his performance was in The Departed, nor gotten over the inexplicable love showered on him for it.
March 30th: 
There are a fair few films opening today, but most of them I would rather gouge out my eyes than sit through. This is the only one I like the look of, mainly because I loved Monsoon Wedding and I quite like Kal Penn.
It seems March is a busy busy BUSY month for the movies. If only I weren't working 55 hours a week...
