But I Always Liked A Good Storm

Ruby Wednesday

2009-06-18T03:47:00.002-04:00

In six days time, next Wednesday, my parents will celebrate their Ruby Wedding Anniversary. It absolutely blows my mind that such a thing is happening. Not because they have a horrible marriage and it's a miracle they stayed together. Quite the opposite. My mind is more blown by the fact I'm old enough for their to be such a landmark in my parents lives. Wait that sounds selfish.

Anyway, as they retired and moved to Spain in 1995, I am flying out on Sunday to spend 5 days with them to mark the occasion. Five days of hanging out with the parents in 95 degrees sunny sunshine, lounging around their pool drinking cocktails. I canNOT wait. For their gift, I got them a red iPod Nano. See, they're often making long car journeys and love to listen audiobooks when they're on said journeys (at least once a year, they drive over to the UK which takes several days). So I got the iPod and an in car adaptor for them so they no longer have to juggle a bazillion CDs in the car, they can just load up as much music and books as they want and away they go. I got it engraved and I set it up last night, naming it Ruby and loading a compilation album of songs from 1969 on there for them.

My flight is on Sunday at the ungodly hour of 6:25am. Gross. I have an insane plan on how to get to the airport on time for that. Once it's all done and I'm back in dear old Blighty, I'll update fully with pictures and a proper explanation of the plan (if it works. If it's a disaster, I'll pretend it never happened).

There is no Salvation

2009-06-11T03:46:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure why I let myself get caught up in the hoopla for the release of Terminator Salvation. Somehow, during all the promotional activities for it, the trailers, the posters, the leaked Christian Bale rant, I managed to overlook one crucial factor: McG. He's an absolutely atrocious director, with a reverse Midas touch. So why, WHY did I ever fool myself into thinking that his take on Terminator would be any good?

It's not. It's not gouge my eyes out terrible like his Charlie's Angels movies, but it is not terribly good either. It isn't interesting to look at as it's all so flat and dull, nor was it interesting to watch. There were obvious clumsy edits where scenes had been removed wholesale too, and the whole thing did feel truncated, especially at the rushed and fumbled ending. McG doesn't bother to give us anything even approaching character development, presumably thinking that as the two main characters have featured in earlier installments, it wasn't necessary. Wrong-o. Anton Yelchin as a teenage Kyle Reese does a bang up job with the flimsy material he's given though. Christian Bale is very good too, of course. Sam Worthington struggles as Marcus Wright, wrestling with the accent as well as with a character that demands a subtlety and nuance that McG is incapable of extracting out of anybody.

Speaking of Marcus Wright, I have a question. In the film itself, it goes to great lengths to conceal his true identity and much ballyhoo is made around its eventual reveal. So why, then, is the same reveal in the trailer? Who the fuck authorised that? Having not really succeeded in telling the story very well, McG gives up not long after said reveal and the film collapses into a mess of incoherence and head scratching events that he doesn't bother to explain. The appearance of a naked Arnie-bot with Action Man genitalia was just one of those moments. A truly thundering disappointment in what has been, for the most part, a summer of disappointments. Sigh.

Naked Farmer for June 2009

2009-06-01T03:52:00.002-04:00

I realise that I say this every month but I really can't believe how fast this year is going, nor that I have lost such interest in my life and thus in this blog. I'm attempting to bring back my joie de vivre though, so watch this space.

Acoustically Attracted To Sin

2009-05-12T06:56:00.004-04:00

So the Tori gig was last night. Here's the set list (courtesy of Undented):

* Famous Blue Raincoat
* Lady In Blue
* Curtain Call
* Crucify
* bodyguard improv > Leather
* Maybe California
* Taxi Ride
* Mary Jane
* Jackie’s Strength
* Wednesday
* Welcome To England
* Cool On Your Island
* Silent All These Years
* Barons of Suburbia

Encore

* Over The Rainbow
* Putting The Damage On

Since the audience, for once, seemed to respect the no photography rule (there was a flurry of flashes at the final bow, but otherwise pretty much nothing), I was not that disrespectful asshat who took pics anyway and so I stole a pic from Getty Images instead

It was, without a doubt, the best I've ever seen her. And I never thought she'd top the 2005 concert when she was joined by the gospel choir. But she did. her cover of "Famous Blue Raincoat" is one of my absolute favourite tracks of hers and I could not believe it when she opened with it. When "It's 4 in the morning, the end of December" rang out, every hair on my body stood up. And they pretty much stayed that way for the next 90 minutes. The new material sounds so much better live and stripped down than the album tracks I've heard so far. The old songs were so much stronger, so much more vibrant than I've heard them before. The best example of that was "Wednesday", which was slightly slowed down and so much more playful than previous live renditions.

Vocally, she's never sounded better. Whatever ailed her two weeks ago and caused the postponement was obviously entirely cured. There wasn't much talking to the audience, I'm guessing it's because the second she opened her mouth, some idiots started yelling song requests at her. My dislike for her rabid fans continues unabated, it seems. I'm interested to see what the full tour with band turns out like, but at the same time, if I don't get a ticket for the tour, it'll be ok. The memory of this incredible concert is enough to keep me going until the next time.

Naked Farmer for May 2009

2009-05-04T03:20:00.003-04:00

What better way to celebrate Star Wars Day than with a naked man in wellies?

The first silver lining of 2009

2009-04-29T15:51:00.002-04:00

On May 18th, Tori Amos releases her 10th studio album, Abnormally Attracted To Sin. It's being accompanied by a world tour this summer, with Ms Amos once again accompanied by her band. On April 1st it was announced she would play a one of solo gig at the Savoy Theatre in London on April 27th. Tickets went on sale and it sold out in 15 minutes. I did not get a ticket.

On the 27th April, it was announced that for the first time in her 20 year career, she was postponing the gig due to illness. Rescheduled for 11th May, original tickets remain valid. I thought "what the hell" and called the ticket line to see if the the rescheduled date had caused anybody to return tickets. They had ONE TICKET LEFT! So PCB does get to go to the ball after all.

I've been seeing her live since 1994 and have seen every tour at least once and pretty much every one off gig since 1998 (I missed the "evening with Tori Amos" to promote Tales of a Librarian as I was out of the country at the time, but that was 90% interview anyway). Solo is my preferred way of seeing her and since she's stated that she'll never do a tour in a solo capacity again as it's "too boring", I'm gonna have to take what I can get in this regard. All I know is I've been ridiculously happy since getting my ticket earlier, so yay!

2009: The gift that keeps on giving

2009-04-14T04:08:00.002-04:00

Wow it is truly amazing how much fun fun fun 2009 is turning out to be.

Remember how I lost my bid for Canadian residency? Leaving aside the fact my cunty law firm reneged on their 100% money back guarantee, leaving me no option but to file a leal claim with the credit card company I paid with, but I was left with a fairly hefty chunk of savings I no longer needed (one of the criteria of acceptance was having minimum $11 grand in savings). What did I do with this money? Something sensible like clear my remaining debt? Of course not. I blew every last penny on a holiday of a lifetime for myself and my dear crazy roommate. Upper Class flights with Virgin Atlantic, a week in San Fran then a week in Vegas in plush hotels. Awesome. Except of course, her health went absolutely bat shit crazy about a minute after booking everything and hasn't recovered to a point where she's able to travel, so the trip is off. If insurance won't pay out (we both have separate policies), then I've essentially thrown away £4000. Brilliant.

Also, I joined the gym again to get the weight off. I was tired of eating nothing in a bid to lose weight, so I struck a deal with myself to eat in moderation and to haul my fat ass to the gym every other day. After several false starts, I had finally settled into a 45 minute cardio routine that I enjoyed doing and felt great afterwards (not to mention, I have never seen myself sweat quite so much as I did), then I would swim and get in the steam room and by the time all that was done, I felt so fantastic. I started going in the morning before work (and I am not a morning person) as the gym is so much quieter at 6:45am. People were starting to notice my weight loss, I was feeling better in myself and best of all, I hadn't had to massively alter my eating habits. Go me. And then at the end of March, mid way through the cardio, my right knee got a little twingy. My left knee has always been unhappy since the ligaments snapped when I was 19, causing a floating fracture of the kneecap. But that sorted itself out and a knee support worn during all gym activity has meant it's never been an issue. By that evening though, my right knee feels like it's swallowed a secret burning thread. It's periodic in its burning now. It's been ok(ish) for a few days but right now it feels like someone is holding a poker to the side of my kneecap. I have not been back to the gym since. Yay.

It's not just me having a shit time though. I have two cousins, one of whom split up with her boyfriend and has had to move back home, she now can't afford to move back out as she's working reduced hours with a pay cut thanks to the recession. My other cousin and his girlfriend both lost their jobs when the American company they work for closed down their UK division entirely. A friend at work is currently enduring the slow, painful and increasingly acrimonious collapse of her marriage. The crazy roommate's health issues have already been mentioned, but in more detail, the reason we can't go on holiday is she's become hyper allergic to pretty much everything. Specifically, chemical smells like deodrant, perfume, paint, air freshener, etc cause her to swell up, go bright red, overheat and generally feel like she's dying. Also, she's become allergic to practically all food except chicken, brown rice and green vegetables. Fun. The crowning glory has to go to a colleague at work who spent a day in hospital last week with a suspected mini stroke. He's 26. When he recovered from all the symptoms and was discharged, he went out at the weekend to celebrate not being dead. Where he was promptly run over in a hit and run accident and is in hospital with, among other things, a shattered pelvis. It's currently touch and go whether he'll walk again. Which really puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

Naked Farmer for April 2009

2009-04-07T02:58:00.003-04:00

It's a week late, but I keep losing interest in everything, including my blog. Which is a shame since this month's farmer is very pretty.

RIP Andy Hallett

2009-03-31T02:35:00.003-04:00

Now this is very sad. At the age of 33, slightly younger than this blogger, Andy Hallett has died of heart failure. He had been fighting heart disease for five years and he lost that battle on Sunday night.

He will always be best known as Lorne on Angel and he was frequently the best thing about many episodes. He was also my most favourite character in the show. I had no idea he was even ill, so to read of his passing this morning was a very unpleasant surprise.

PCB's Quarterly Theatre round up

2009-03-29T09:05:00.002-04:00

I have seen several shows this year already and not blogged about them so I thought I'd split it into quarters, since we're almost into April.

Twelfth Night

The first Shakespeare of the Donmar's West End season and it was greeted with reviews slightly more muted than those that greeted the season opener, Ivanov. Only slightly though, and given the flat out raves that greeted said production, I think Night can hold its head up high.

I have to say, I flat out loved it. I have seen it before of course, at the Donmar's off-West End home as part of Sam Mendes' farewell shows. It must be somewhat galling for him to see the same theatre produce a better cast, infinitely warmer and richer, not to mention much much funnier version. Derek Jacobi is of course incredible as Malvolio, but there's not a weak link in the cast. I was surprised by Indira Varma, who was just glorious, showing a comic timing I was not expecting of her. However, in my opinion, the show was stolen by Zubin Varla's singing, percussive, cartwheeling performance. He was outstanding and yet he was barely mentioned in any of the reviews. WhatEVER!

Be Near Me

The actual Donmar Warehouse is easily my favourite theatre in the world. Not only is it the most gorgeous space but they have produced some of the most compelling shows around in the last decade. To usher in 2009 with this is something of an oddity. An adaptation of Andrew O'Hagan's book (which I found too dull to bother finishing) about a gay priest and the friendship he strikes up with two wayward teens which inevitably goes awry, it doesn't immediately scream "stage me!"

However, in the hands of Ian McDiarmid, who adapts as well as stars in the lead role of Father David, and John Tiffany, who directs, they turn what could have been a dull, predictable and preachy couple of hours into a fluidly directed, beautifully acted and heart rendingly tender play. Special mention to Richard Madden as Mark, the teenaged catalyst for Anderton's downfall, who was, I thought, fabulous. And I'm not just saying it because he's pretty. He will, I'm sure, go on to have quite a career.

Private Lives

The Hampstead Theatre staged this revival to mark their 50th anniversary, as its premiere there was their first big success. Normally I wouldn't have bothered with this but heading the cast as Amanda was Claire Price, for whom I would walk over broken glass to see on stage. I had never laid eyes on her before November of last year when I saw her in a revival of The White Devil and I was absolutely transfixed.

The ticket was a birthday present from a good friend who came along for the show too and it was wonderful. Funny, stylish, very well directed and acted (tellingly, a dialogue free moment between the two sparring lovers managed to evoke laughs from the audience), it was a frothy delight and the new Hampstead Theatre is absolutely gorgeous to boot.

Duet For One

A two hander about a celebrated concert violinist struck down in her prime by multiple sclerosis starts regular visits to a psychiatrist to help her overcome the shock and to readjust to her life without being able to play. Doesn't sound fun does it? And indeed, it's not, though I found it riveting from start to finish.

The violinist is played by Juliet Stevenson, initially stoic and good humoured about the rotten hand life has suddenly dealt her. Henry Goodman takes on the psychiatrist role with a cod Jewish accent (necessary since it's referenced in the text) who slowly chips away at her bravado exterior. There is a great deal of humour in the early scenes that gives way to anger and then of course there's the breakthrough. Or in this case, breakdown. Has everyone here seen Truly Madly Deeply? Specifically the opening weepathon from Ms Stevenson to her psychiatrist? Well, she had a similar scene at the end of Act One here, as she bewails having to listen to godwawful students and her lesser talented husband all day and she can't play herself. It's an absolutely devastating moment that left the audience somewhat shellshocked for the interval. That Act Two's big breakthrough came without any emotion, but a calm and collected delivery of her revelatory monologue was something of a relief. This is about to transfer for a limited run and for Stevenson alone, it's worth seeing.

Little Shop Of Horrors

Having missed the Menier run and its West End transfer, I caught the tour of Little Shop when it came to my neck of the woods. Damian Humbley (who made a magnificent Jamie in the Menier's production of Last Five Years) was again top notch as Seymour. Clive Rowe was a full throated Audrey II and Alex Ferns was surprisingly brilliant as Orin Scrivello, returning to play all the agents vying for Seymour's attention in "The Meek Shall Inherit". The urchins were also fantastic singers, though their acting was a little, uh, amateurish.

But that is where the plaudits have to end. Claire Buckfield was not a good Audrey, lacking the vocal power to effectively transition in "Suddenly, Seymour" (her mic was just turned up really loud instead). Sylvester McCoy was hopelessly adrift as Mr Mushnik. Shame. I still enjoyed the camp ridiculousness of it all and I will never tire of a majority of the show's songs, but I was left with the nagging feeling that this could have been better.

A Little Night Music

I was initially resistant to the idea of seeing this show, due to the casting. I can't tolerate Maureen Lipman and Hannah Waddingham can be very hit and miss. But then the reviews were through the roof amazing, and I figured "what the hell?"

Well how happy am I that I threw caution to the wind and got a ticket as it was the most glorious three hours I've spent in a theatre. The cast were all exceptional (with the exception of Jessie Buckley who was woefully out of her depth as Anne) and this production mined more comedy out of the script than anybody would have thought possible. I loved it, I laughed, I was moved to tears and since seeing it, I have been unable to stop listening to the cast recording featuring Judi Dench as Desiree. It's a little telling that on that recording, Joanna Riding plays Anne and her excited squeal of "it's at a chateau!" at the start of "A Weekend In The Country" packs more character info than Jessie Buckley manages over an entire performance. It has now started its West End transfer and I will be seeing it again, at least once, hopefully more.

A View From The Bridge

I love me some Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. I think she's massively underrated and never really had the high profile career she deserves. She shows up on the London stage every now and again (she was splendid in the Donmar's revival of Grand Hotel in 2004-2005) and she's back, with Ken Stott and Hayley Atwell in Arthur Miller's tragedy.

One asks, did Miller really ever write anything but? It's not as though you could play The Crucible or Death of a Salesman for laughs, is it? And Bridge is hardly brimming with feelgood charm and in a little over two hours, manages to bring the audience, dooby doo down down. It's supremely well acted, if a little clunkily staged and directed, and though set in the 50's, the themes of the play are still relevant to today, in some ways. While it's not something you could ever say was entertaining, it was definitely worthwhile viewing.

Three Days Of Rain

An actor's play if ever there was one. A three hander where Act One is set in the present day and Act Two has the actors playing their character's parents from Act One, it requires two completely different performances from each of them. In the hands of James McAvoy, Nigel Harman and Lyndsey Marshall, that element is a qualified success.

As is, in my opinion, the play itself. I never really got the sense that the pay off was worthy of the build up. It was all very beautiful and very subtle but I don't know, I just wanted more. Walker Janeway and his sister meet in an abandoned New York loft after the death of their renowned architect father. They're joined by childhood friend Theo and the settling of the estate and a discovery of a journal, which Walker finds maddening in its brevity causes things to unravel, particularly when he focuses on the entry that is merely the play's title and nothing more.

Act Two reveals what happened during the titular three days and the most striking volte face, performance wise, is McAvoy. Walker is hyperactive, slightly crazy, possibly gay and very angry. Walker's father Ned is shy, quiet and has a stutter. The fallout of the three days is something only the audience can appreciate as we know what their kids think happened, so witnessing the actuality is very bittersweet. Richard Greenberg is a very good playwright and this structure is a fascinating idea but it clips the bullseye rather than going dead centre.

Plague Over England

What a weird play. Written by a critic, for the love of God. Ostensibly about John Gielgud and his arrest for cottaging when he was at the height of his fame, it also tries to cram in about 5 other storylines with the majority of the cast playing multiple roles to add to the confusion.

It's very rushed, as people come bustling on, say about nine words and then it's the next scene. At one point, two scenes play out simultaneously for no good reason. The extremely odd and hallucinatory ending fails to tie everything up satisfactorily. How this was a good idea that deserved a West End run, I cannot fathom.

Waiting For Godot

And speaking of things I cannot fathom, Samuel Beckett. I've somehow gone 34 years without ever watching a Beckett play and in all honesty, if this one hadn't starred Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart, I would easily have made it many more years without seeing a Beckett play.

I don't get it. I don't get him and I certainly don't get how precious he and now his estate are over the staging of his plays (you have to sign a contract stipulating you won't deviate one iota from the text and the stage directions). Godot was two and a half hours of blank nonsense that in less talented hands would have been a disaster. That McKellen and Stewart, along with Simon Callow in full on Brian Blessed mode and Ronald Pickup, made this even slightly entertaining is testament to their inordinate talent. Currently on a pre-West End tour, it's playing to capacity houses of rapturous audiences but I very much doubt ANYONE was cheering the choice of material.

Already booked in for the next three months:

New Boy with Nicholas Hoult
The Fever with Claire Higgins
Madame De Sade with Judi Dench, Rosamund Pike, Frances Barber and Deborah Findlay
Dimetos with Jonathan Pryce and Anne Reid
A Doll's House with Gillian Anderson, Christopher Ecclestone, Toby Stephens and Tara Fitzgerald.

Hot Guy Monday: Tahmoh Penikett

2009-03-23T03:50:00.003-04:00

Since last Friday marked not only the end of Battlestar Galactica but also Dollhouse finally kicking into high gear, today's hot guy is Helo himself, Tahmoh Penikett.

Battlestar is one of the finest shows to have graced television in recent times. Buried on the Sci Fi Channel and dismissed by a lot of people, it transcended the genre with some impeccable writing, direction and performances (James Callis' performance as Baltar is quite possibly the most finely rendered and perfectly pitched piece of acting as to have ever been on television). The last ever episode was not perfect but it was absolutely astonishing all the same and I was moved to tears on more than one occasion (to come back to Callis again, his "I know about farming" line gutted me like a fish). Now that it's over, I want to watch it all again.

As for Dollhouse, five weeks of tonal uncertainty and poor plotting finally gave way to a multitude of twists and turns that was insanely exciting and ensured I'll watch the show to the end of the season. Plus, Tahmoh was shirtless a lot.

RIP Natasha Richardson

2009-03-19T03:57:00.002-04:00

You know how sometimes you hear a news report about a celebrity injury and think "oh they'll get better"? The reports about Richardson's skiing accident were so inconsistent that throughout the two days I kept expecting her to appear on TV and say "oh for heaven's sake people, I'm fine!"

But no. She died last night and it's so shocking and sad. She was young, she was fiercely talented and she leaves behind a grieving husband and two teenage sons. I saw her on stage twice (once in Closer, once in Streetcar) but the role for which she will always be remembered is Sally Bowles in the Broadway revival of Cabaret. I didn't get to see her in the role (she'd left the production the weekend before my first ever trip to NYC), I have the cast recording and her performance of the songs on there is so new, so unexpected and to be quite honest, so pitch perfect that to have just her take on the title number as her sole legacy would be a huge achievement.

However, it's just one entry in a distinguished career and it really underlines how tragic her early unexpected death is. In addition to the talent, Richardson also possessed something sadly lacking in a lot of today's stars: class. She was supremely classy and I've never forgotten how sweet and funny she was at the stage door for Closer, even with fans more interested in talking to her about her husband. She will be missed.

Hot Guy Monday: Returning with............

2009-03-16T17:45:00.003-04:00

Something a little left of centre. I've been watching and enjoying the new Fox show Lie To Me, and it's given me a new TV boyfriend. Brendan Hines. He's adorable on the show and he's just plain gorgeous to look at too. But the main selling point? His hair. Sweet Christ I just love his hair. It's the kind of unruly mop that he probably hates but it gives me full on Hair Envy. Feast your eyes:

PCB is now 34

2009-03-12T02:33:00.002-04:00

So I hit 34 years of age on Monday. I'm really not sure how that happened. Isn't there a saying about how life is what happens when you're looking the other way? I do really feel like my life is being lived without me at the moment. Wow, 2009 is really shaping up to be a champion year isn't it?

In all seriousness, since the Canadian debacle, I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what I really want to do with my life and where I want to go and I am in the process of making some really tough decisions. The first decision is to move back to London. That's made, but the logistics, the finances and many other little obstacles need to be ironed out and overcome, so it's a good thing I won't be going for at least another 10 months. Thanks to the recession, there is not a great deal of point in going any sooner anyway as there are no jobs to go to up there. There possibly won't be in 10 months time, so we'll have to see.

Since the Canadian decision, I haven't really been sleeping properly either. I've been waking up around 5am every single morning and been unable to get back to sleep. Hence I'm writing this entry at 6:40am. Fun. I need to do something about this though as it's really starting to get to me and I lost my temper with a co-worker yesterday as I was just too tired to keep my annoyance in check. Ooops.

Since I don't want my blog to become a complete downer, I'll try and make the next entries more fun, promise.

Naked Farmer for March 2009

2009-03-01T03:37:00.002-05:00

I've been massively neglectful of my blog since the start of 2009. I just don't feel like I'm doing stuff interesting enough to blog about. Or maybe it's that I am doing interesting stuff, I just can't muster the energy to blog about it. I've been very blue since the whole Canada farrago and with a birthday on the horizon to remind me I ain't getting any younger, I've apparently descended into a state of bleh. So here's some naked farmer to take my mind off it.

The 2009 disappointments continue

2009-02-15T06:46:00.002-05:00

Though on a smaller scale than being denied my Canadian Visa. So far:

Friday 13th.

Yes, I know it seems unlikely that I would be disappointed over this remake. But I am. See, Marcus Nispel directed the Texas Chainsaw remake, which I loved and was terrified by. So I had high hopes that he would take the reins of this franchise reboot and deliver another nerve jangling treat. No such luck. I love love love the original so for me, alarm bells began to ring when a horribly edited opening credits sequence showed a Crystal Lake camp counsellor offing Mrs Vorhees right after she's given all the exposition required. Everybody knows the true joy of the original is Betsy Palmer's delicious turn as the batshit crazy mother of Jason when she's revealed as the killer. I can't believe they didn't get someone like Jessica Lange to ham it up as the deranged slasher this time around. For shame.

So anyway, it fast forwards to the present day and after a bunch of nobodys get offed by Jason, the action swings to another bunch of worthless cretins you will recognise from TV shows past and present as well as films with (for God's sake) Shia LaBoeuf. The great thing is, Nispel and the writers make the rookie mistake of having each of them be vastly irritating to the point where you're actively rooting for Jason to kill them, just so you don't have to listen to them anymore. Jared Padalecki is the hero of the piece, the loner outsider searching for his missing sister (she was one of the nobodys in the first bunch and because she looks a little bit like his mother, Jason has not killed her, he's keeping her in the basement. Whatthefuckever.) So when the people you don't care about have all been picked off in a variety of bloody ways (usually after they've had sex or been unnecessarily naked, of course), we're left with Padalecki and his sister to bring down Jason.

There is not one single good thing about this film. Not one. The writing is terrible, the acting embarrassing, the direction ham fisted. There's no sense of menace, there's no sense of horror or fear, it even fumbles the cheap shock, make you jump moments. It is, in a word, shit. And what is so frustrating is it could have been fantastic. In more capable hands, this could have been the horror franchise reboot the fans have been waiting for. But no, instead it's an unholy mess and I just hope the sequel baiting ending doesn't come to pass.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Yeah, make that The Tedious Case and you have a title closer to my opinion of the movie. Wow it was long and boring. I genuinely don't understand the hype and awards buzz around this one. It was pleasant enough to watch but it was kind of like a Chinese takeaway. I didn't really notice it at the time and I'd forgotten it about 20 minutes later. I wanted to love it as I love Cate Blanchett, I love Tilda Swinton and who doesn't love Brad? But it left me cold and it left me more than a little bored too. And I found the Katrina framing of the piece very heavy handed. Shame.

Heroes

It is becoming more and more apparent that the writers and creators of this show didn't expect to be a hit and therefore never thought beyond their first season. The second, strike interrupted, season was hated by pretty much everyone and the efforts to atone for that in the third season saw the show become increasingly fractured, misguided, overstuffed and underwhelming. The third season has two books, the first book, "Villains" failed on just about every level and if you want evidence, check out the two part episode "The Eclipse" which was trumpeted as a key and important episode but was instead everyone wandering around without powers for two episodes while absolutely nothing happened.

Book Four, "Fugitives", is only two episodes in and I already hate it. There are still too many characters splitting the focus and not enough of them are interesting enough for me to care about anymore (in fact, only the extended Petrelli family in the main storyline are worth bothering with). The ONLY thing worth watching the show for now is Sylar and his increasingly fascinating arc. It's like his scenes wandered in from a different show altogether, the level of writing and acting in them is so far removed from the dross of the rest of the show.

TV Remote (lack of) Control

2009-02-02T02:57:00.003-05:00

I blogged before about how discovering the joy of downloading TV shows and being able to hook up my laptop to the huge TV in the lounge has freed me from the tyranny of the UK scheduling, where everything is on a Thursday at 9pm, or a Sunday at 10pm. Apparently no other time slots exist. Even so, I'm watching a whole hell of a lot of shows right now. From the earlier TV post, some shows have fallen by the wayside but I've picked up several others. The current schedule looks like this:

Sunday

United States Of Tara

Monday

24
Big Bang Theory
Chuck
The Closer
Heroes
Gossip Girl
Medium
Trust Me

Tuesday

The Mentalist
Nip/Tuck
Rescue Me (starting March 10th)
Reaper (starting March 17th)

Wednesday

Damages
Lie To Me
Lost

Thursday

Bones
Supernatural
Ugly Betty

Friday

Battlestar Galactica
Dollhouse (starting February 13th)

For those keeping count, by the time the three shows yet to start are running, I'll be juggling some 21 shows. Not sure I wholly agree with EW that TV's recent golden age is over just yet.

Naked Farmer for February 2009

2009-02-01T15:51:00.003-05:00

Wow it's already February. And since 2009 got off to such a sucky suckass beginning and it is currently snowing fit to beat the band, here's a little something to bring the sunshine in.

Oh good, 2009 sucks too!

2009-01-28T03:06:00.002-05:00

Less than one month into 2009 and it's sucking harder than 2008. How is this possible? Well, see, early last year I filed an application for permanent residency in Canada. It takes years to process so I didn't bother mentioning it on here as it wasn't terribly interesting at the time. In November of 2008, the Canadian government changed how many professions were eligible to file for the permanent residency visa, reducing it from hundreds to just 38. Mine was not one of the remaining 38, so when the government then retroactively applied the change to all applications filed in 2008, mine was rejected.

Cocksucker motherfucker. And of course, despite the fact I have it in writing that if my application is unsuccessful, my law firm would return all my legal fees unless I lied on the application, I am not being refunded. I'm currently pointing out to them it's not terribly fair to withhold my refund under these circumstances and they are of course ignoring me. Sigh. So now I need a whole new B plan, which I will begin to formulate after I'm done licking my wounds.

Winner!

2009-01-11T16:06:00.004-05:00

2008 wasn't a brilliant year for me in many ways, not least of them cinematic. I didn't even bother with a top ten last year I found it so uninspiring. And when a film arrives on the crest of the critically adoring wave only to be from a director I don't think has delivered a watchable film since 1995, then my overwhelming response is "meh".

So I'm really glad that Slumdog Millionaire was so completely wonderful. It did not put a foot wrong for its whole 120 minute running time. It was wonderfully written, it was superbly acted and it was pretty flawlessly directed. The viewer is drawn in to a story that is by turns funny, sad, dramatic, stomach churning, heartbreaking, nailbiting and of course uplifting. It's colourful, it's loud, it's kinetic, it has a killer soundtrack and if you're not wrestling with a lump in your throat (or indeed blubbing like the homo you are, PCB) over the inspired Bollywood end credits, then you have no soul. Slumdog has kicked off 2009 in fine style as the best film I've seen in quite some time. Here's hoping it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Naked Farmer: The 2009 Return

2009-01-04T13:11:00.002-05:00

So this year, my secret Santa bought to me another naked people calendar. This time, it's firemen. There was a website noted on the calendar, so I though "fantastic! I can do the same thing I did last year, only with firemen instead of farmers". Now, there's a sentence. But, I went to the website, only to find it doesn't exist. The farmers, though, are far more organised. So here it is. The naked farmer for January 2009. Enjoy.

People, is this any way to start a new year?

2009-01-02T14:28:00.002-05:00

So last night, for reasons I still can't quite work out, I went to the roadshow presentation of Che. The cinema just down the road from me was showing it, in its 4 hour 17 minute glory. The start time was listed at 6:45pm, so I figured it would be done by 11pm and I'd be home not long after.

Wrong-o. There was 20 minutes of pointless faff at the beginning and a 25 minute interval between the two parts so the whole thing took five hours from start to finish. The irony is it was only ever good and watchable (admittedly with an insanely amazing performance from Benicio Del Toro), it never really tipped over into being great. Oh well.

I forget, every time I go to this cinema that, as it's the local "arthouse" cinema, the level of pretentious film snob conversations I overhear tend to make me want to kick people. When I saw La Vie En Rose there, for example, I overheard someone saying "yah yah, well of course Charles did see Edith perform in Paris." Oh fuck off. Last night's little gem was someone commenting to their friend that the last time they'd seen a film here it was Terrence Malick's A New World. He then spent a few minutes waxing rhapsodic about Malick and how wonderful Thin Red Line and New World are before saying "I mean, I find it really challenging to stay awake during them, but they're so amazing". I had to really fight the urge to tap him on the shoulder and say "when a film bores you into unconsciousness, I don't think you really think they're good, do you?"

Bye bye 2008!

2008-12-31T16:42:00.003-05:00

As 2008 gasps its last breath, is there anyone looking back at the last 12 months and thinking "that was awesome, let's do it all again next year!"? Anyone? Bueller?

While there were some fun times, on the whole my 2008 was a lousy pile of suck. Personally and professionally, it's been a fucking difficult and not at all fun year. I've come very close to quitting and (I recently discovered) I came quite close to being sacked. I don't have a boyfriend, I'm still in masses of debt, blah blah blah.

And 2009 doesn't look like it's going to be any more fun right now. So, for the first time in a while, I'm making some resolutions that will give me some focus and hopefully make 2009 that little bit more bearable than 2008.

1. Join Facebook. Resistance is apparently futile. I will not be playing any fucking Scrabble though.

2. Lose weight. I battled with my weight this year and did manage to drop 30 pounds. While that's not to be sniffed at, it's not exactly earth shattering either. I can, and will, do better.

3. Hit my savings target. I have a goal and I'm not exactly a million miles away from it. I have to dip in to the savings next month to bail out the New York trip but after that I have to sort my shit out and knuckle down so that by this time next year, my savings goal has been reached and I can breathe easy.

There that's it. I know it's hardly an exhaustive list but given that my only resolution for the past few years has been to not make any resolutions, I think that's pretty good.

A Bit Of A Do(n't)

2008-12-21T02:42:00.002-05:00

I'm sure it can have escaped nobody's attention that it's the holiday season and Christmas is so very nearly upon us. We're firmly into "Work Christmas Party" time. I work for one of the bazillions of companies that have been negatively impacted by the global recession so the festivities were on something of a smaller scale than in previous years.

And yet still, somehow, it managed to be a messy messy evening. I had originally planned to stay for one or two drinks and be home at a reasonable hour. Why I planned this I do not know as it never ever works. So of course, there I was at midnight, seven hours after arriving, drunk off my ass, snogging straight boys (who had snogged me first), snogging girls (who asked me to), telling people things I swore I would never breathe a word of (in vino veritas to the max). It actually got pretty intense for a while too. For the people keeping score, I have been hating my job for a fair while now. When I was really in the thick of hating it, I was acting out a lot and not really thinking about what I was doing. Never a wise move and I got into a long and drawn out conversation with a colleague about what issues that behaviour had caused. It was not fun. Luckily I'm in a better place and was able to deal with it, but on top of the unexpected tongue kissing and the blabbing about all the people on our floor that I would have sex with and whose cocks I'd taken peeks at at the urinals in the staff toilets, it was all just a little much.

Yesterday was lost to hangover (I haven't had a hangover in a really long time, so I wallowed) and I am supposed to be at the gym right now but I find myself still in bed, updating the blog on my laptop. I got really sick when I came back from NYC, I got a really bad cold/very mild flu and was off work for a day and a half with it last week. I am still waking up with a tight chest and wheezing like an 80 a day smoker with emphysema so I figure it's not wise to go charging to the gym unless i want to end up in an oxygen tent or something. But it's frustrating the everloving crap out of me! I feel really fat and bloaty right now and just want to be back in the routine at the gym. Said routine is going to be even more thrown out of whack in the next two weeks by Christmas and New Year. I am in the dangerous place whereby if i lose my impetus I may never go back and that CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN!

"The phrase 'Mom's pussy' seemed a bit gauche"

2008-12-09T16:39:00.004-05:00

On Saturday, I went to see August: Osage County at the National. The jet lag came back around for a last hurrah and woke me at 4am. Consequently I was concerned I would nod off during the show. Not a chance. I was rivetted to my seat for every single one of the show's 210 minutes.

Arriving in the UK on a tidal wave of acclaim and awards, we get 9 out of 13 original Steppenwolf cast members and of the 4 additions, only one of them has had no previous affiliation to the show. It's a pretty fucking top class ensemble with some absolutely mind bendingly fantastic performances. Deanna Dunagan may have won the lion's share of the performance awards, but for me Amy Morton absolutely stole the show.

And what a show. It is one of the most well crafted, exquisitely well observed and written, wonderfully staged and flawlessly directed shows I've seen. Ever. Is it a perfect play? Of course not. It's slow to start and takes its sweet time to get to the final curtain too. It has perhaps one subplot too many and veers a little too strongly toward soap opera every so often. But these, you must understand, are minor quibbles. Is the show an American masterpiece? Without a doubt. I am a little saddened that it's closing here on January 21st at the end of its 8 week limited run. I would love to see it again. And again. As it is I will have to cherish the memory of one of the most glorious afternoons in my theatrical history.

I love Will Young

2008-12-06T01:25:00.005-05:00

I didn't watch a single second of Pop Idol when it started in the UK. I didn't really care when Will beat stuttering Gareth Gates to the title. I didn't even care that much when he came out. But when he began to free himself from the shackles of Pop Idol and produced some great songs as well as proving that he could really sing, I began to be interested. Also, in every interview he ever gives, he always seems very sweet, funny and self effacing, not to mention genuinely happy to be where he is and loving doing what he's doing. Compare his attitude to some other people who got their start the same way he did (Alex Parks, Girls Aloud), and it's easy to see why he's so popular.

Currently in the middle of a concert hall, rather than arena sized, tour to promote his latest (and I think best) album, Let It Go, I went to see him perform the other night. And I was blown away. He was fabulous, funny, energetic (a friend who had seen him earlier in the tour said it was like watching Tigger, and I have to agree). This is the first time I'd seen him live and I do think this type of performance (just him and a band, no fuss no mess) suits him down to the ground. Apparently his arena tour for the Keep On album was fabulous too but here's hoping he's found his niche and continues touring like this for the foreseeable.

Also, what a difference a new camera makes! Comparing these pics to the Tori Amos non events of last year, well, there is truly no comparison.

Naked Farmer for December

2008-12-01T16:24:00.002-05:00

So here he is. 2008's naked farmer swansong. I feel a little bit sad that it's all over.

One more step to the top of the city

2008-11-30T09:44:00.006-05:00

So when I was in NYC, I did something touristy for the first time in ages. Usually I just hang out with my friends, eat drink, make merry, see shows and shop. While some of that could be deemed touristy, I never really do sightseeing type things. But I went to Top of the Rock, since I'd never been there and I've done the Empire State Building a few times. I took some pics with my new camera and I am actually genuinely proud of some of them.

I went up just as the sun was setting and it made for some really pretty pics I think.

I also took a pic of Radio City just because it looked so gosh darned purty.

And I went to the top of the new TKTS booth in Times Square, since the back of it is now a giant staircase, and took some pics from there too.

The middle picture there is also the wallpaper on my iPhone now. It's easy to forget just how beautiful NYC can be so I'm glad I took these pics to remind me.

The play's (not) the thing, Part Two

2008-11-25T13:51:00.004-05:00

So here I am, all packed and waiting for the car to come and take me to the airport so I thought I would fill in the time with updating on the final shows I saw on my trip.

You CAN Stop The Beat

Just getting a head start on all the article headlines that will be published on Jan 4th. I had a rule that I would not see any shows that I had already seen or that I could see in London. I broke it twice over when I saw Hairspray and I broke it for one reason: Harvey Fierstein. He was the best thing about the show when I first saw it and so his return could not be missed. I was supposed to see it with a friend who loves the show as much as I do but he bailed on me at the last minute, so fuck him. As it was, I WAS SO GLAD I saw it alone because I forgot until it started that the show makes me weep. So I boo hooed my way through "I Can Hear The Bells" in Act One and then through "Without Love", "I Know Where I've Been" and "You Can't Stop The Beat" in Act Two. I could see the woman sat next to me giving me curious glances in Act One (I wasn't like sobbing or anything but I had tears pouring down my face) and I wanted to just say "yes ok, I'm crying. Problem?"

Harvey Fierstein is without a doubt the most consistent performer I have ever seen. The performance he gave then was the same caliber that I saw in 2003. Phenomenal. So wonderful. A joy. There's only a few weeks left so please, see this show while you still can.

Pink, ponies, happy, sky

Shrek as a musical is not a good idea. It's a show that I went back and forth about seeing but in the end decided that I would go mainly out of a love for Sutton Foster. The rocky out of town tryout in Seattle saw a new choreographer flown in, who also helped with the direction and prior to its Broadway bow, two actors left the production (one not through choice). So I must admit I wasn't expecting great things.

And I didn't get them. But I did have fun. It's a cute and funny show with a solid performance from Brian D'Arcy James in the title role and absolutely magnificent support from Sutton Foster as Fiona and Chris Sieber as Farquaad. John Tartaglia has oddly high billing for such a tiny little role as Pinocchio though. Daniel Breaker, as the new Donkey was fantastic. The songs aren't memorable though and the staging is so very big, so very busy and actually quite ugly. Whether it will succeed or not remains to be seen as their opening night is still several weeks away.

Hi everybody! My name's Katie. What's yours?

All My Sons is quite possibly one of the finest plays of the twentieth century. I saw what is now considered to be a landmark production at the National Theatre back in 2000, starring Julie Walters, Ben Daniels, Catherine McCormack and James Hazeldine. It was so incredible that I went back to see it again when it was brought back by popular demand, this time with Laurie Metcalfe replacing Walters as Kate Keller.

With the bar set that high, it was always going to be tough to get near it. That this new production falls so enormously short is a real surprise. The problem is the direction. A play as incredible as this does not need to be so frantically and fussily directed. We don't need the cast to be sat visibly on the stage when they're not actually in a scene. We don't need them all to randomly cross over the stage during key monologues. We don't need "important lines" of dialogue to be amplified, thereby underpinning their importance. We certainly don't need John Lithgow to announce to the audience that they're about to perform the play and read the initial stage direction. Nor do we need projections, telling us which Act it is, when it's intermission and also projecting war imagery for no good reason throughout. With that to contend with, the play has to put up a valiant fight to be heard. It emerges, bloody but unbowed, proving the strength of the original material.

Dianne Wiest, one of the main reasons I wanted to see this production, was out. Annoying. John Lithgow was fine, Patrick Wilson was serviceable, Becky Ann Baker was fantastic in a small but key role. Katie Holmes obviously took it to heart that the main criticism levelled at "Hollywood" actors when they come to Broadway is that you can't hear them so she bellows her way through the role. The performance is otherwise fine, kind of like Jennifer Garner in the Cyrano revival last year, she neither embarrasses herself, nor does she blow you away. I just could not get past the unnecessary and intrusive direction. Horrible.

I know bad, I've been bad

Mamet briefly had two plays revived on Broadway in the same season. The terrible American Buffalo opened at the beginning of last week to predictably bad reviews and has already closed. Speed-The-Plow is doing significantly better. It does of course have the curiosity factor of being the show Madonna made her Broadway debut in.

I've seen clips of the pivotal "I've been bad" speech from her and it's pretty horrible. Luckily, the revival has three absolutely stellar performances to carry it along. Jeremy Piven and Raul Esparza are both terrific but the stand out is Elisabeth Moss who was so quiet and unassuming in her performance that you never really knew if she was trying to give herself a leg up in the job world, or tear Piven down. I thought she was fabulous. The play is a mere 70 minutes and so is performed without intermission. 25 minutes into the play, a latecomer appears. She's front row centre. Somehow, she's allowed to take her seat and climbs over people, holding on to the stage for balance. Jeremy Piven singled her out during the Broadway Cares speech for some embarrassment, which was pleasing. I could NOT believe she was allowed to take her seat and didn't stand at the back for the performance.

Every night. Bended knee.

Horton Foote is about a million years old and still going strong. He wrote Dividing The Estate a fair while ago and it's had regional stagings in the past twenty years but has never been in New York. When it was off Broadway, he pulled it from award contention when, due to the age of the play, the Lortel committee wanted to consider it a revival. One wonders, now that it's opened on Broadway and has Tony possibilities, whether history will repeat itself.

Kind of August: Osage County Lite, the play concerns a family who are cash poor but land rich and the infighting that goes on between parents, grandparents and siblings over whether the estate should be divided or not. It was charming and amusing enough (particularly the playwright's 55 year old daughter Hallie, who looks incredible for her age) and Elizabeth Ashley is regal and imposing enough as the owner of said estate. I enjoyed it, but I wasn't swept away and bowled over by it.

Short and sweet

I spent Thursday with my dear friend Lottie and then had the evening to myself before meeting Christina at 11 for the midnight showing of Twilight (it had to be done). So I had some time to kill, I took myself off to TKTS to see what was there, hoping for Pal Joey. Nope. Not there. That is the last Broadway show I wanted to see, so I looked at the off-Broadway listings and selected Saturn Returns, a play at the Mitzi Newhouse, which is a gorgeous little theatre and sounds intriguing enough.

It's one man, seen at thirty year intervals of his life, aged 28, 58 and 88. Three different actors take on the role and are all wonderful, particularly John McMartin as the oldest incarnation. Special mention has to go to Rosie Benton who plays three different women in his life and is absolutely glorious at all of them (at 88, she's his care nurse, at 58, his daughter and 28, his wife). It's a beautiful and moving play and as it unfolds and you learn about this man's tragic life, it's absolutely heartbreaking. It is the best play I've seen on my trip in fact.

Bewitched, bothered and bored to tears

Oh Pal Joey. I got a ticket to see this on Saturday night. Christian Hoff was off for the weekend with a foot injury and so I saw his understudy, Matt Risch. As we all now know, Hoff is gone for good and Risch has the role permanently. So technically I didn't see the understudy, I saw the first performance of the new lead actor. Of course, gossip and rumor are flying that Hoff was not that injured and it's a cover story for getting rid of him as he wasn't working in the role. Whatever.

All I know is, the show itself doesn't work. This time there's been a book overhaul, characters eliminated, songs moved around and still, still it's not an interesting show. The problem may be the fact that you don't like any of the characters. Or that only two of the songs in the whole damn show get any room to breathe (Bewitched, bothered and bewildered and of course, Zip!). There's just something that doesn't quite work.

I can't really judge Risch as he'd had like a day of rehearsal before being thrown on the stage but he coped very well and I'm sure by opening night his performance will be fully there. Stockard Channing was a bit of disappointment. Her comic timing was fine enough but her singing was horrible. She actually spoke all her songs and didn't seem terribly interested in them while she was doing it. The show belongs to Martha Plimpton, who, as Gladys Bumps, now gets the act two showstopper of Zip! and knocks it out of the park. See it, if only for her.

And that, as they say, is that. It's been a wild ride in NYC and I'm really sad to be going back home but all good things have to come to an end I guess.

The play's (not) the thing (part 1)

2008-11-21T09:27:00.004-05:00

So I'm heading towards the end of my trip now and I haven't mentioned a single show since Gypsy and I've seen a ton of them! So here, in chronological order, are my takes on them:

American Buffa-huh?

Why did they think casting Cedric The Entertainer in a Mamet play would be a good fit? And Haley Joel Osment has not grown into his looks. His looks have, in fact, stayed exactly where they were and his head has grown which makes him look like he's a little bit simple. They're both outclassed by Jon Leguizamo, the only one of the trio who is a good fit to Mamet and looks like he knows what he's doing on the stage. The play itself has not really aged well and I was left wondering why they'd bothered with this revival. Clearly I am not alone in thinking that as after opening night this past Monday brought them a wealth of mediocre reviews, they will be closing this Sunday. Don't see it, even though you still can.

Snoring

I had such high hopes for A Man For All Seasons. These were cruelly dashed. It's a hugely boring play and while Frank Langella is absolutely wonderful, he's so much better than literally EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE CAST, it's like he's in a different play altogether. I had a couple of beers with dinner which was a mistake because, try as I might, I could not stay awake in Act One. So dull.

Soaring

The Seagull is an odd play, being somewhat self reflexive as it focuses on actors and writers. It does have, at its centre, an absolutely remarkable performance from Kristin Scott Thomas, which everybody should see. The casting of a few American actors has unbalanced the show, unfortunately, but it is still worth seeing, if only for her.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love

The revival of South Pacific is, without a doubt, the best show I've seen on my trip. I only booked it because it was THE show to see, I wasn't necessarily interested in the piece itself. My only exposure to the show up to this point was seeing the godawful TV movie version with Glenn Close as a woefully miscast Nellie Forbush. Well, this is an absolutely wonderful production, with some fabulous performances in it. Kelli O'Hara is glorious, luminous and radiant as Nellie Forbush. Paulo Szot, as Emile De Becque, brings the house down whenever he sings, particularly in "This Nearly Was Mine". Matthew Morrison is also wonderful in the smaller role of Joseph Cable. And he takes his shirt off, which is never a bad thing. I was very moved and a little tearful by the curtain call. Loved it so much. Would see it again in a heartbeat only it's sold out and it's damned expensive.

Artificial Respiration

The New Group have chosen to revive Kevin Elyot's seven year old play, Mouth to Mouth and give it a New York airing. Why, I don't know. I saw it in the UK when it had its premiere and I loved it. The cast, with the exception of the wonderful Elisabeth Jasicki, struggle with the British accent. The play is still slight but heartbreaking and worth seeing. It's a shame I'm not here for The New Group's next production, as a revival of Mourning Becomes Electra with Jena Malone and Lili Taylor sounds thrilling.

Christ, I've seen so many I'm gonna have to split this entry in half!

Gossip Girl here....

2008-11-18T10:48:00.004-05:00

No, not really. I have the WORST record for spotting celebrities. I spent a 15 day vacation in LA and saw NOBODY! But since arriving on this trip, I haven't been doing too badly. So, in order to tie in the title of this entry:

Spotted, in the west village: Famke Janssen.

Spotted on the L Train: Julianne Moore.

Spotted at the Walter Kerr Theatre box office: John Turturro.

Spotted in the audience of Shrek: The Musical: John Lithgow and Wilson Cruz.

Seeing any one of those would have been unheard of for me. But to see all of them is frankly ridiculous. But fun.

I'm a pretty girl, Momma!

2008-11-13T09:30:00.003-05:00

So here we are on day 3 of my NYC trip and it seems Gordon Brown is intent on ensuring my stay in debtor's prison. Thanks to the UK's endless bleating about just how awful the economy is, the exchange rate is at a new six year low of $1.48. This time last year I was getting about $1.97 and I didn't a new iPod then.

Aside from that, I am having a pretty glorious time so far. I headed off my cold at the pass with a major dose of Theraflu on Tuesday, which is good. I had a suspicion that sitting in wet clothes on a plane for hours on end would result in my getting sick and when I woke up with a sore throat on Tuesday morning I just thought "hell no". Usually I ignore being sick and don't do anything about it but not this time. I also hit the shops on Tuesday and got some winter boots and a few things from Old Navy but I wasn't overly inspired by the flagship store on 34th Street. I'll check out the one in Chelsea today and see if that's any better. After the shopping and a spot of lunch, Eric, another friend and I headed for Jacques Torres to get some Wicked hot chocolate which was absolutely glorious. I then left them and met with another friend for dinner at Cafeteria. The food was pretty incredible but man was I ever full by this point! After that it was hauling ass to get to Gypsy on time. Thank God they're one of very few shows who don't do Tuesday at 7.

The show is all about the Lupone. I think Gypsy is hamstrung by the fact you're not allowed to do anything different with it in terms of staging and you have very little wiggle room in direction. But this is directed by Laurents himself and Lupone has been dying to sink her teeth into Mamma Rose for years and the lightning in a bottle that pairing has created is a must see. Of course, Lupone has always been Little Miss Mushmouth and some of the speedier delivered lyrics (parts of "Some People", most of "Mr. Goldstone") is a little garbled. But her performance is in every other way a tour de force. Both "Everything's Coming Up Roses" and "Rose's Turn" are intense to the point of being almost frightening. Laura Benanti is wonderful too though I was less impressed with Boyd Gaines than the Tony voters were.

Also, is it me, or is Patti Lupone as Mamma Rose

actually Miss Bertha from Acorn Antiques?

After Gypsy I met up with a friend who finished work right around the time the show got out. Due to the cold medication, I thought drinking was not wise and lord knows I couldn't have eaten another thing if you'd paid me, so we went for coffee and then ended up in Virgin Megastore where I manfully resisted buying anything (he wasn't quite so restrained).

Hey world*, here I am!

2008-11-11T08:25:00.002-05:00

*Well, NYC anyway.

Yes, I have arrived. The much desired 15 day stay in the Big Apple has finally begun. The process to get here was beset by minor annoyances, not least the fact that yesterday morning had world endingly dreadful weather. It was raining fit to beat the band when I left my flat to walk to the station (it was rush hour and raining, a cab was clearly never going to happen) and it had clearly been raining all night as there was a LOT of water around. By the time I got to the station I was soaked from head to toe and had managed to step in a puddle that turned out to be ankle deep. Great. Especially as I was wearing summer shoes as new winter shoes are top of the purchase list in NYC.

So I get to the train station and the Gatwick trains are delayed so the concourse at the station is rammed full of harrassed looking commuters. Brilliant. The delay turned out to be minor (ten minutes) but by the time I got on the train it was standing room only, which was a pain. When I got, to Gatwick, they wanted to see the credit card I'd booked with before they would check me in. Which would be fine if it hadn't been stolen and then the replacement fucked up and not arrived in time. So that took some smooth talking. Then I got frisked at security, then I had my bag searched by security, both of which were travel firsts for me.

I purchased some new socks and another book for the flight (I finished Breaking Dawn, can I get a "thank fuck"?) and then boarded. I'm sat next to a super cute guy which was a blessing but then there's some electrical fault with the plane that delays our take off. Whatever. That gets sorted out and aside from some minor turbulence when we first take off, the flight is then completely event free and I also breeze through immigration and customs to find there is NOBODY waiting for cabs! Awesome. Then the last minor annoyance kicks in and we sit in traffic for what feels like an eternity and I don't get to the diner to meet Eric until almost 4pm, when I was aiming for not much after 3pm.

But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm here and all is right with the world again. This morning sees the beginning of my shopping myself into debtor's prison (Old Navy here I come!) and then tonight it's Gypsy with Ms LuPone. I've already eaten a slice of red velvet cake the size of a kitten (last night for dessert while watching Chuck you understand, not this morning for breakfast) so I feel like I'm home again

Breaking Bad

2008-11-08T03:23:00.002-05:00

No, I'm not going to blog about the dark dark dark show concerning a science teacher turned drug dealer after finding out he's dying of lung cancer. You'll notice that only half the title up there is in italics. No, I want to take a moment to talk about this:

It's absolutely jawdroppingly, breathtakingly shit. I've come so far and I'm so determined to finish this stupid saga (and I plan on going to midnight showing of the movie when I'm in NYC with a friend who has a similar relationship to these books as I), but sweet mother of God is this one ever testing my patience. When a human/vampire hybrid baby being born ISN'T the most retarded event in a narrative, then you know you're in trouble. The saga spans some 2560 pages and I refuse to cave now, with only 300 to go. I'll finish it on the plane on Monday as that way I won't have anything else to distract me (I don't do in flight movies).

Naked Farmer for November

2008-11-04T02:39:00.002-05:00

He's a little late. But I think he's worth the wait. I clearly lied in March when I said the best was now behind us.

Piaf encore

2008-10-26T08:50:00.002-04:00

On Friday I took a much needed half day from work and went to London to spend the afternoon with a friend of mine I haven't seen in over a year. We've tried to meet up several times but events have conspired to keep us apart so we set Friday in stone. I've been raving about Piaf to anyone who will listen since I saw it, so we went to see if they had any tickets. By some miracle, we got two of the £10 day seats, two rows from the stage.

Sometimes, when intimate little shows move onto bigger stages and play to larger auditoria, something gets lost in the transition and what worked so beautifully then seems so overcooked and flat now. Not so with Piaf which feels every bit as intense and vital as it did the first time I saw it. While my first experience of seeing it can never be recaptured (as I was so completely blindsided by it), I was very happy that a repeat viewing didn't change my overall opinion. I will see it at least once more before it closes, purely for Elena Roger's magnificent portrayal.

Important lessons I learned yesterday

2008-10-19T03:54:00.003-04:00

1. Don't eat too much breakfast before going to the gym.

Every weekend, on one of the days I will get up at my usual weekday work time and head on out to the gym to be there for when it opens at 8am and consequently is empty so I can do my work out in peace. On those days, I will grab something tiny on my way out the door to tide me over until I get home for breakfast proper (usually it's a biscuit). However, yesterday I was not coming straight home, I was heading into town first to buy some new pillows for my bed as my old pillows are shite and I've been sleeping badly for a while now. So I figured, to stave off feeling hugely hungry before getting back home, I'd eat breakfast properly first thing, before heading out to the gym.

Big mistake. I thought an hour would be enough time to let the food digest (and it's not like I ate a HUGE breakfast or anything), but I was wrong. I had a huge stitch during most of my workout and it felt a lot more challenging than usual. I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that I sweat a lot during my 45 minutes of cardio but yesterday it looked like I'd been briefly lit on fire before someone thoroughly extinguished me.

2. Pillows are heavy.

I don't know why but it simply didn't occur to me that buying four new pillows, plus their packaging, would be heavy and cumbersome to carry home. By the time I was half way I was beginning to wonder if I would ever regain the feeling in my left arm. Was totally worth it in the end as the pillows are fab and I slept like a dream.

3. There is such a thing as too much television.

I recently discovered the joys of downloading and am currently balancing a whole lot of tv shows.

Currently watching legally:

Eli Stone Season 1
Prison Break Season 4
Heroes Season 3
Medium Season 4
Bones Season 4
Grey's Anatomy Season 4
Fringe Season 1
Breaking Bad Season 1

Currently watching less than legally:

Supernatural Season 4
My Own Worst Enemy Season 1
Easy Money Season 1
The Big Bang Theory Season 2
Californication Season 2
Dexter Season 3
Pushing Daisies Season 2
The Closer Season 4
Chuck Season 2
Weeds Season 4
Dirty Sexy Money Season 2
The Ex List Season 1
Gossip Girl Season 2
Psych Season 3
Ugly Betty Season 3

When the new year rolls around (which will be in a frighteningly short amount of time) and the mid season replacements all start up, there's going to be no room for them! Thank God I don't really have a life so I can try and fit them all in anyway.

Gone In (much less than) Sixty Seconds

2008-10-12T02:38:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I went to London for the day. I had tickets for the matinee of Ivanov, the inaugural production of the Donmar's West End Season, starring Kenneth Branagh. In the evening, tickets for a new production of Oedipus, starring Ralph Fiennes. Quite the wonderful day of classy theatre.

After the matinee, I met up with my friend who I was seeing Ralph poke his eyes out with and we went over to Gabriel's Wharf for dinner. While we were there, for the first time EVER, I didn't pay any attention to my bag, I just left it hanging on the back of my chair, under my zippy top.

So of course, some total cunt stole it.

My whole life was in that bag. I'm such a fucking dumbass for leaving the bag where it could be taken without any difficulty (the restaurant was packed to the hilt, my chair backed into a walkway from the outside seating area to the inside so people walked by all the time). My wallet, which had every card (including a brand new card I only got on Thursday of last week) in it, my iPod (which was only just six months old), my security pass for work, my house keys (though mercifully I don't live that near London and there was nothing in the bag that had any address details on it) and finally not one but the two books I am (was) currently reading. Oh, and my train ticket home ,so I had to borrow money from my friend to buy another one to get home. Talk about insult to injury.

I was hugely relieved that just the other day, I took my passport out of my bag. I was also relieved that if this had to happen, it's happened with enough time to get all my cards replaced in good time before I head off to NYC for my desperately needed vacation. I'm only angry at how inconvenient this all is. Having to wait for the new cards to arrive, buying a new wallet, a new bag, a new iPod (which is the costliest thing stolen and the thing I am the maddest about). I already had all the cards stopped, none of them had even attempted to be used since being half inched so all the thief got out of it was my iPod and a couple of books. They probably took my wallet out and ditched the rest of the stuff into the Thames. Then, when they saw there was no cash at all in the wallet, it probably followed swiftly thereafter. All in all, it really took the shine off my day.

Naked Farmer for October

2008-10-01T02:57:00.003-04:00

Pinch punch, bitches! I won't bore you with more dull droning on about how I can't get my head around the speed 2008 is running at and statements of "holy crap it's already October". Instead, let's focus on the naked man. We've seen him before, as it's the guy on the cover, but they obviously thought he was hot enough to be featured twice.

And who am I to argue?

Hot Guy Monday: Zacahary Levi

2008-09-29T02:57:00.003-04:00

I have been very neglectful of my blog lately. It's been a combination of working 6 day weeks on overtime, training a bunch of new hires and simultaneously loathing my job. More about that when I have the energy to write about it. Also, trying to read Eclipse is taking far more effort than it really should. I find myself not wanting to read it yet I refuse to give up. I'm an enigma.

Anyhoodle, today sees the return of the Hot Guy Monday. And what better way to bring it back than with the star of my favourite new show of last year? On the day the second season makes its US debut no less? I loved loved loved Chuck and it was in no small part thanks to the tip top performance from Zachary Levi. I'd never even heard of him before seeing an episode of Chuck (and if I'm honest, it's doubtful I would have watched the show but I was in NY just after its first season started and EVERYONE I knew was enjoying it). But just 20 minutes into the pilot and I was a firm fan of the Levi. Not only was his portrayal of the titular Mr Bartowski a joy to watch, but sweet ever loving Christ, is he hot. Ridiculously tall and unbelievably handsome, I developed a TV crush that is yet to wane.

Seriously, can you blame me?

I couldn't have said it better myself

2008-09-18T17:02:00.002-04:00

I just finished reading New Moon recently. It's absolutely godawful. Awful. I can't even begin. I'm sort of saving all the vitriol until I've finished all four of the books. However, I found a review of the book on Pajiba that really went to town. It's one of the most hysterically funny reviews I've read in a long long time and the comments thread beneath it has some corkers in it too. This paragraph made me laugh until I cried:

"New Moon is like what would happen if a coven of mentally delayed witches got high as hell and concocted a brew made up of Romeo & Juliet, “Roswell” the series, a random assortment of romance novel clichés, The Dive from Clausen’s Pier, and some disjointed vampire and werewolf stories told to them by a seven-year-old with ADHD. Then the witches feed the brew to a grizzled old dog with rabies, wait for the product of the resulting intestinal distress, smear it all over some paper, and have the unmitigated gall to call it a novel."

Check out the full thing here.

Theatrical update

2008-09-14T03:14:00.006-04:00

I have recently seen two incredible shows. Work has run me so ragged these past two weeks though that I haven't had the time or the energy to blog about them. How sad is that? Anyway, first things first:

Piaf

I very nearly didn't bother with this show, several times over. I have a minor obsession with Edith Piaf since seeing La Vie En Rose. When this revival was first announced, I thought "oooooh" and then it was announced that Piaf would be portrayed by Elena Roger and I thought "oh". My only exposure to Elena Roger is the cast recording of the London Evita revival, which is absolutely fucking shocking. She sounds like a cat in a blender on it so I went back and forth and back and forth over whether or not to see it now. Then they announced the rest of the cast and the combination of Luke Evans and Steve John Shepherd were enough to convince me to buy a ticket. And about three days after I did, the entire run had sold out, and this was a few weeks before the first preview.

On the day I was due to see it, I worked an overtime shift from 6am to 1pm and by the time I had got home and got showered, I was so very tired that I almost didn't bother getting myself to London. However, I gave myself a buckle down speech and hauled myself on to a train. And my god am I ever glad I did. Piaf is one of the most outstanding productions I've seen in the last decade and I am SO happy it's transferring to another theatre for 14 weeks due to demand. I plan on seeing it again. And again. The play itself is lightning fast, shrinking her life from discovery to death into 95 minutes and peppering it with a fair few of her most well known songs. But it works with fluid and clever staging and taut direction to match the tight and fast play.

But the real revelation was Elena Roger. She had some pretty big shoes to fill with this, firstly Piaf's and then Marion Cotillard's performance in La Vie En Rose, which will surely be recognised as one of the greatest performances of the last decade soon enough. But Roger rises to the challenge and absolutely tears it up. She's simply phenomenal as Piaf, riveting and fearless. What's more, her singing is absolutely fucking amazing too. Famously Argentinian, Roger is not even slightly French but has learned all the songs for the show phonetically in French, so she sings them in a French accent with flawless pronunciation. It was a bold and brave move for her but it pays off spectacularly. "L'Accordeoniste" is worth the admission price alone. The staging of "Mon Dieu" is breathtaking. But it's the closing of the show with "Je Ne Regrette Rien" that brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. It was so simply and beautifully done that it absolutely slayed me. Gratifyingly, the audience were going bonkers before the lights came back up for the curtain call and when Roger took her solo bow, the reception was deservedly deafening. See it when it transfers. You won't regret it.

Hamlet

Unless you were either very lucky or you are very rich, alas you won't be able to see this most recent revival of Hamlet. The casting of David Tennant in one of THE plays has caused a frenzy, to put it mildly. It is currently in the middle of a three month run at the RSC's home in Stratford-Upon-Avon. In December it transfers to London for another month. The performances in Stratford were sold out a year before performances began and the London run, which went on sale on Friday, sold out in three hours. Tickets are currently on eBay for insane amounts of money.

By luck rather than judgement, I had a ticket for this past Monday evening. My housemate (the crippled lesbian, remember her?) had booked disabled access seats but was too unwell to attend (she has tickets for the last week in Stratford and is going to see it if she has to be carried in on a body board so it's ok). I took a friend of mine who lives a fair distance from me and I don't get to see often enough instead. The Courtyard Theatre, where Hamlet is playing seats 1000 people but feels like it's the size of my front room. There is an enormous stage with seating on three sides in a horseshoe shape. I was in row J but honestly felt like I was practically on stage.

It lives up to its hype and expectation. Tennant is a wonderful Hamlet, amping up the comedic aspects and the lost child aspects of the role but nailing the anger and the tragedy too. His confrontation with his mother resulting in the murder of Polonius was absolutely electrifying and the final showdown was both exciting and beautiful. He is more than matched by Penny Downie as Gertrude of course, who sweeps about the stage in a succession of amazing costumes and delivers a glorious performance. There is not a weak link in the cast, because when you have actors of the calibre of Tennant, Downie and Patrick Stewart, you can't afford one. Mariah Gale, as Ophelia, is out of this world, her mad scene borders on terrifying.

It's telling that this production runs for over three and a half hours, with only one interval and it felt like it was over in no time at all. The first half is just short of two hours but you don't notice or care that your bladder is yelling at you for the pre show drinks you had with dinner. David Tennant has been a stage actor for years and of course has sky rocketed in the fame stakes since becoming Doctor Who. This is a perfectly timed performance to remind everyone that there is an awful lot more to him than that and there is no better way to prove you really can act than by taking on this role. And I say brava. Jude Law closes the Donmar's West End season next summer with their production of Hamlet. The compare and contrast will be fascinating.

Twilight update

2008-09-05T02:38:00.003-04:00

I have finished the first book in the Twilight series. I actually quite enjoyed it. I can totally see why there are pre-pubescent girls the world over going absolutely gonzo for it. It's interesting that they're pushing Stephenie Meyer as the next JK Rowling. They're both great story tellers but neither are what you would call amazing writers. Some of the prose in Twilight is so clumsy it's almost painful ("my traitor tears, betraying me" caused me to wince and say "yeah, that's what traitors DO"). But then there were some sequences that were really great, like the "you're my brand of heroin" scene.

However, I am now on to New Moon, the second book in the series, and it's making me want to claw my face off. Bella Swan is a whiny little bitch and the first 150 pages of the book are self indulgent teenage moping at its worst. I found myself shouting "do you EVER fucking cheer up?" at the chapters. And when the moping and the hopeless teenage rebellion is delivered with Meyer's clunky prose and limited vocabulary, it makes it all the more grating. The sentence that mentions "the other unique vampire family" very nearly sent the book hurtling across the room. I wanted to email Meyer and say "Dear Ms Meyer. If something is unique then there cannot, by definition, be something else like it. Love and kisses, PCB". While my patience with the books are really being tested, I am determined to finish them. And with the backlash against the final book currently at full tilt, it looks like I have my work cut out for me.

And as for the upcoming movie? Well I hate to say it but I think it's gonna be a great big pile of suck. Many many internet forums have been overrun with ardent lovers of the book decrying pretty much every aspect of the film's production. Some of the casting is a little bit of a headscratcher (Carlisle in the book sounds absolutely nothing like Peter Facinelli that's for sure. Not least in the fact that he "is claiming to be 33, but can barely pass for 30." Facinelli is 35 and looks it.) But the two trailers that are currently online are just breathtakingly awful. The cutting is so lightning fast that it's pretty difficult to discern what is going on but they seem to have something from New Moon in there and have moved locations and changed costumes for no real reason. I have a feeling that the pre-release hysteria will look like nothing when the fans finally lay eyes on the finished film. If you want to watch the whole movie condensed into 90 seconds then please click here and watch the clips. It's staggering how much they give away. And how bad they look.

PCB's Television Round-Up 2008. Part 4

2008-09-04T02:49:00.003-04:00

Better late than never....

Damages

Ok I know this is technically from last year as season 2 is soon to begin airing in the US and its run finished in the UK a while ago, but this is a show worthy of inclusion. If ever a show were to be defined as "classy", it's this one. An intelligent thriller with a complex, nay labyrinthine plot, each week's episode was a masterclass is acting, writing and direction. Glenn Close has started to resemble Mr Punch with the amount of work she's had done and this was occasionally a distraction but other than that I didn't have a single complaint about this show. Some people found the revelations in the finale a little hard to swallow, arguing that the sudden volte face to focus on Patty was just a way to drag the show out to more seasons. I do not agree, as Ellen was very clearly playing Patty at her own game and now will be playing both ends against the middle. If the writing stays as strong and focused, then the next season could be delicious.

Nip/Tuck

Why do I watch this show? Now in its fifth season, I actually gave up on this show a few episodes into season four. I swear the show was cancelled at the end of that season and so I think what drew me back in to the show was to find out exactly what was so brilliant that it had been brought back from the dead. Answer; NOTHING. Relocated to LA, the show spent season five moving ever further into Sunset Beach territory with unbelievably over the top story lines that broke the suspension of my disbelief far too many times. And yet for some reason, I watched the entire season (except for the one episode that was done in a reality show style, that episode I had to switch off it was so godfuckingawful). It was a frustrating experience as the writing constantly undermined what could have been a fun watch. The issues and themes of each episode are writ large with such a heavy hand that it all ends up feeling forced and desperate. And it's a shame because they had some fine guest spots this season, most notably Sharon Gless's batshit crazy turn as Sean's stalker.

Battlestar Galactica

Talk about coitus interruptus. I finally got round to catching up with all things Battlestar and mainlined the miniseries pilot right up to the end of season three in the space of a month, in time for the airing of episode 6 of this current season. As the show had not really been on my radar up to that point, I was not up to date with what was going on with it, production wise. So imagine my surprise to find out that season 4 had been split in half, with 10 episodes airing this year and 10 episodes in 2009. What the fuck? Stupid writer's strike.

Anyway, I personally think season 4 is very very strong. It is one of the best shows around full stop, pretty much. It doesn't try to be glamourous, it doesn't pull a single punch and it doesn't care about killing people off, which is nice as it means nobody is safe. Also, after season three's Cylon revealing finale, the elusive twelfth Cylon could be just about anybody. The show is getting darker and darker as it goes on (season 3 was so relentlessly downbeat that watching it all back to back was very trying) and the mid season cliffhanger of earth being discovered only to find it's in ruins would indicate that season 4 part 2 won't be a barrel of laughs either. And when everything about a show is a flawless as it is on Battlestar, then that is a VERY good thing.

Chuck

I loved this show. Loved it. It's geektastically ridiculous and in less committed hands a premise as shaky as this would be a disaster. But everyone in the show quite obviously believes in it 110% and it shows. Zachary Levi is both fantastic and super hot in the title role of the nerd who becomes an unwitting super computer and has to be guarded 24/7 by the CIA. The first season was so strong that when the writer's strike stopped this show like it did every other, a full second season was ordered. And I say brava.

Supernatural

I never expected this show to a) last as long as it has or b) be as good as it's become. Did anyone? I mean, McG (about to drive the final nail into the Terminator franchise) is the show's producer. But the easy chemistry between the two leads and the humour that the show never loses sight of are just two of the things that managed to elevate this into "must watch" territory. This season seemed to lose focus of its central premise (Dean's deal for his soul) and introduced an important character far too late, but once again I'm blaming the writer's strike for that. And I am hoping that the massively incoherent ending to the season finale will be explained in the beginning of the imminent 4th season. This season really wasn't afraid of going to some dark places with some seriously creepy storylines. And the final shot of the finale was truly the nastiest this show has ever been. Keep it up!

Gossip Girl

I know I know. I'm not the show's demographic, but do you forget I'm also reading the Twilight books? Anyway, in full disclosure, I only watched the show because I know someone who works on it. But that didn't stop me thoroughly and guiltily enjoying the show. Superficial, bitchy, glossy, tons of fun and packed with ridiculously pretty people, what's not to like? I did like that when the show called for it, it didn't shy away from adapting a more serious tone too. But for the most part, this was Dynasty in high school and I just loved every minute of it. I know that season 2 has just started airing in the US, it won't start here until 2009 I don't think.

That is currently that for 2008. Ugly Betty's second season finally picks back up in the UK this week, and season 4 of both Medium and Grey's Anatomy start up in a couple of weeks. Breaking Bad and Burn Notice make their UK debuts pretty soon too. Is there nothing I won't watch? Yes. Private Practice. What a pile of shit.

Another one bites the dust

2008-09-03T02:14:00.004-04:00

~~The Talk. He blew me away in Mauritus and so I'm all for seeing Bobby Cannavale again.~~

After Godspell cancelled its Broadway run the same day I posted my list of shows I wanted to see, I wondered to myself if any other show on the list would end up not materialising. Yesterday, Naked Angels announced that The Talk had been withdrawn from its line up. No real surprise given that it was supposed to begin performances in less than a week and since the original announcement there had been NOTHING said about it. But still, it's disappointing.

In other theatre related news, and on a more positive note, it was confirmed yesterday that the London run of August: Osage County would have all but 4 of the original Broadway cast. The two Tony winners, as well as Amy Morton will all be present and correct. I'm even more excited about it now than I was after I managed to book tickets on the hopeless National Theatre website.

Naked Farmer for September

2008-09-01T02:28:00.002-04:00

I realise it's become a recurring theme on this blog of late but seriously, where IS this year going????? Where did the summer go? It's a madness I tells you. Anyway here's this month's naked farmer. Enjoy him.

An open letter to the National Theatre

2008-08-27T02:50:00.002-04:00

Get a better website. And while you're at it, hire more staff for your box office and install more phone lines.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to join the National Theatre as an Advance Member as it barely cost a thing and it gives you a week's head start on the great unwashed when it comes to booking tickets. As their upcoming season contained the UK premiere of the awards juggernaut August: Osage County as well as the world premiere of a new David Hare play, Gethsemane, not to mention an additional booking period for their runaway hit War Horse, I was expecting it to be busy.

What I did not expect was the frailty of their website. I logged on at a fraction after 9am to book tickets for the first two plays I mentioned in the earlier paragraph. It should have taken minutes, given that I had a specific date in mind for both shows and wasn't going to be trawling through months of performances to get the best seats or anything. at 9:25am, after multiple crashes, freezes, and most frustratingly of all, website time outs that emptied my order and released the seats I was trying to buy, I decided a two pronged attack was in order, and I called the box office. I get a recorded message telling me their opening hours are from 9:30am. Fine. I call back at 9:30am, I get the busy signal. Not an eternal wait in a queue, oh no. I can't even get through. So I put my headset on and constantly press redial with one hand and battle with their website with the other, becoming increasingly vocal with it all as time goes on and people from several desks away are starting to eye me warily, in case I suddenly go all James McAvoy in Wanted on them.

At one point, I'd somehow, thanks to their evil and hopeless website, got 6 tickets in my order for Osage County when I only needed 2 and was completely unable to access the seating plan for Gethsemane. It drove me absolutely fucking NUTS, especially when I decided to approach with caution and book the shows separately only to have the payment page continually crash on me. After my final time out during payment for Gethsemane, when I got the message that my order was empty, I tried very hard not to cry and then went back to the seating plan. The seats I'd been booking are gone. Hmmmmm. I checked my email, lo and behold there is a confirmation email for my failed booking. Whatever. All I know is it's now 10:20am and it's taken me 80 minutes to do what should only have taken 8. And not once did I manage to get anything other than the busy signal on the phone. After this, if the shows are disappointing, I'm gonna torch the fucking building.

I never met a phenomenon I didn't like

2008-08-22T03:05:00.002-04:00

I resisted Harry Potter for several years before caving in and becoming an ardent fan. It was the movies of the books that did it. I watched the first one and thought "Wow this is a TERRIBLE movie, surely the book is better" and so I was compelled to find out.

In a serendipitous twist, the latest Harry Potter movie has been delayed by eight months because Warner Bros are a bunch of money grabbing asshats. That left the pre-Thanksgiving weekend wide open and so the Twilight movie ran to fill the gap. I've become increasingly curious about the books but everything I read about them points out they couldn't be aimed at me less. I'm neither a teenager nor a girl. But as I'll be in the US when the film opens and will go to see it so I can see what all the fuss is about, I also caved in and bought the books.

So, like Kaleb Nation, I am also a guy reading the Twilight books. I'm only reading them indoors as I can't be bothered to justify my reasons for reading them to everyone I encounter with a raised eyebrow (which would probably be like, everybody). So in public it's all about the grown up stuff. I'm a teenage girl in secret. So no change there then.

Return to the Homeland

2008-08-17T12:35:00.004-04:00

In just under three months, I'm going back to NYC for a 12 day vacation. I'm very very much looking forward to it. In addition to catching up with old friends, eating, drinking and generally making merry, I will of course be catching some shows. When I originally booked my flight, there were just 3 shows I was wanting to see. But wouldn't you know, the number keeps on growing. Currently on the hit list is:

All My Sons. The cast is amazing with one exception. I'll leave it to you to guess who I mean.
American Buffalo. Since I saw Mauritius on my last trip, it seems fitting to see the play which heavily inspired it this time around.
Dividing The Estate. Controversially withdrawn from awards consideration by its author when running off-Broadway, I figure as I'm seeing August: Osage County in London, this will fill that gap.
~~Godspell. Gavin Creel has never really wowed me but then I've never seen him in anything that would really give him cause to. Maybe this will change it all.~~ Or not.
Gypsy. I missed Bernadette Peters when she did it five years ago, so Patti will be my first Mama Rose.
A Man For All Seasons. I have a sudden intense interest in Henry VIII, so this has become something of a must see.
Pal Joey. With a cast including Martha Plimpton and Stockard Channing, this should prove endlessly fascinating.
The Seagull. Leaving aside my current insane loathing of the title creature, I am just dying to see this. I didn't have a chance to see it in its original sold out London run, and now it's heading to Broadway, the main players intact but for one crucial change. Chiwetel Ejiofor has been replaced by Peter Sarsgaard. I am a HUGE fan of Peter Sarsgaard so I'm even more excited to see this now.
Shrek. I know, I know. This has potential to be absolutely godfuckingawful and I will wait until the reviews from the recently commenced out of town tryout are in before I decide on a ticket purchase.
South Pacific. The big award winner of the 2007 season, this is a seriously hot ticket. So much so that I am going to have to book it pretty much now to ensure I get a seat.
Speed The Plow. My love of Jeremy Piven knows no bounds.
The Talk. He blew me away in Mauritus and so I'm all for seeing Bobby Cannavale again.

Inevitably, I won't get to see all of these. But in an ideal world, I'd fit all these in and more besides. We'll see.....

It's a good thing I just had a pay rise

2008-08-10T16:43:00.004-04:00

I don't think anyone who has spent more than 30 seconds looking at my blog can not know that I am a HUGE fan of Tori Amos. My devotion briefly wavered with her latest release American Doll Posse, but then right thinking kicked back in, I saw her twice on tour in NYC and was back to the full time devotion of her that has had many of my friends rolling their eyes at me and saying "still?"

Yes, still. The tour for American Doll Posse produced some of the best live performances she's ever done and since every show she does is different, the illegal recordings of her performances have been both plentiful and highly sought after. For the 2005 solo tour to accompany the release of The Beekeeper saw her release six "official" bootlegs, one of which was the London show I attended where she was joined on four songs by a gospel choir and is still one of the best concerts I've ever been to, ever. For the Posse, Amos took it to the next level and recorded 22 of the shows for release, starting with the show the night AFTER I saw her.

These recordings were only available via download to residents of North America and Canada, on a website called Legs & Boots. Not long after the end of the tour, the website closed down and that, I thought, was that. But recently, Epic decided not to renew her contract (hardly a shock since each album she's produced for them has been progressively less successful) and so Tori Amos is finally truly independent and free to do as she pleases. And if you look over yonder at my iTunes purchases, you'll see that one of the first things she has seen to is making all 22 shows available on the iTunes store in Europe, as well as the USA and Canada. Some, though by no means all, have a bonus track from the sound check into the bargain. I am in gay fan boy heaven and while my wallet is going to be hurting, it's going to be worth every penny.

Naked Farmer for August

2008-08-01T03:08:00.002-04:00

No, I can't believe it's August either. So here's the pic of the farmer I am going to have adorning my desk for the next 31 days. The past couple of months seem to have demonstrated I did the calendar a disservice back in March when I announced it would all be downhill from there on in. What do we think?

Some good thoughts for The Boogs

2008-07-30T03:03:00.004-04:00

My dear friend Southern Boy, whose hospitality I abuse on a regular basis is one of my favourite people on this earth. He also happens to be proud daddy to one of my favourite pooches on this earth, his pug Xander, aka The Boogs. This weekend just gone, Xander had a big fat health scare and for a few horrible hours, it looked like the cutest pug you ever did see was not long for this world.

Happily, he is now on the road to recovery and it looks like by the end of this week he'll be back to his crazy adorable self and everything is right with the world. Phew. So think good thoughts, people. Southern Boy and his pug could use them.

Sigh

2008-07-27T16:47:00.003-04:00

I wanted to love this. I really truly did. I went into it wanting to emerge as if I hadn't breathed for two and a half hours. But I couldn't do it. I didn't love it. I only enjoyed it sporadically. It was, overall, a crushing disappointment.

There are many good things about it, don't get me wrong. Aaron Eckhart did a bang up job and had the most satisfying character arc in the movie as Harvey Dent. His evolution into Two Face was beautifully done and he handled it just right. Every single action sequence, from the opening heist onwards, was thrillingly executed. And of course, Heath Ledger steals the film as The Joker with a performance that inhabits the role to an occasionally frightening degree. When he's onscreen, he is absolutely mesmerising. And that's not hyperbole because he died at 28 and before the film was released either. It's a seriously intense portrayal.

Bale as Wayne is great too, but in all honesty I didn't love his Batman and a lot of that was to do with the entirely ridiculous bass growl he affects for that persona. Maybe the suit constricts his vocal chords, I don't know, but what I do know is I couldn't really understand what he was saying half the time. The film runs two and a half hours and could have taken a complex plot filled with complex characters and given them all room to breathe. Instead, it takes about three complex plots along with myriad sub plots and suffocates them all with hyperkinetic editing before screeching to a halt for some seriously ham fisted and clumsy preaching.

Ultimately, I think this was (for the most part) incredibly well acted film that was also astoundingly well directed. It was just let down by a script that had simultaneously too much and not enough going on.

A cinematic glance ahead

2008-07-20T09:06:00.012-04:00

Since I'm suddenly in a movie frame of mind (geddit?), I thought I'd take a look at what's waiting for us once the summer is out of the way. While this summer has been far better than, possibly even the best of, recent years, there's still no denying that the summer can leave those who like to leaven their blockbuster intake with some quieter and more thoughtful movies, a tad bit unsatisfied. The one film that looks capable of satisfying both at once arrives tomorrow, having smashed records practically every five minutes since opening last weekend in the USA. Yes, I'm talking about The Dark Knight. So what's coming up further ahead that's arousing my interest?

Eden Lake (September 5th). Yes yes, I realise I'm starting a supposedly cerebral list with what looks like a tacky horror movie. But the thing is, I love Kelly Reilly and would see her in anything, including this. She's a fiercely intelligent not to mention staggeringly talented actress who I've been besotted with for some time now. Plus this comes from Optimum Releasing, who just opened the surprisingly good Donkey Punch (which I saw over the weekend, more on that later).

The Duchess (September 5th). I'm torn about this as it looks like a sumptuous period drama with a fabulous supporting cast (Ralph Fiennes, Hayley Atwell, Charlotte Rampling, Dominic Cooper and so on). None of that can detract from the fact it has Keira Knightley in the title role as the Duchess of Devonshire. She is a horribly limited actress and her refusal to unclench her jaw when she speaks drives me up the fucking wall.

Pineapple Express (September 12th). Not doing well on the cerebral front am I? I'm sure there are people out there who are well and truly over Judd Apatow and his compadres. I enjoyed but was not floored by Knocked Up, Superbad or Forgetting Sarah Marshall though it has left me with a mad crush on Seth Rogen and Jason Segel. Only one of them is in this movie of course. The story of two slacker stoners on the run after witnessing corrupt cops commit a murder is hardly mining new territory but the trailer made me chuckle a few times, though I hope it's not a case of the only funny parts being in the trailer.

The Women (September 12th). I have to say I had completely forgotten about this movie being made and it's highly likely that while watching it, I'll keep getting the giggles thinking about Elaine Stritch's story about being in a touring production of this show, told in At Liberty. But it will be fascinating to see the likes of Annette Bening and Carrie Fisher completely upstage Eva Mendes and Meg Ryan, don't you think? I have to say that I do.

Brideshead Revisited (October 3rd). Now this is more like it. A sumptuous looking adaptation of what has already been a classic and much loved television series and is of course based on Waugh's timeless novel. The cast has old school brilliance (Michael Gambon, Emma Thompson) mixed with the pick of up and coming talent (the three key roles of Charles Ryder, Sebastian and Julia Flyte are taken by Matthew Goode, Ben Whishaw and Hayley Atwell, all of whom are fearsomely talented). I cannot wait. Here's hoping, after her Woody Allen disappointment, this is Atwell's breakthrough. Anyone who has seen her in The Line Of Beauty will know exactly what she's capable of.

Burn After Reading (October 17th). I am not in any way a die hard Coens Brothers fan. They've made some astonishing movies and they've also made some astonishingly bad movies. The former does of course outweigh the latter and when they get it right, they really get it fucking right (Fargo, No Country For Old Men). This cast makes me just about shit my pants in anticipation as well. I've loved Tilda Swinton for over 15 years now, she has such an incredible presence I could and will watch her in anything. Same goes for Frances McDormand. So if this film turns out to be the two of them reading the ingredients off the back of a cereal box for 90 minutes, I probably wouldn't mind. Certainly not if Brad and George were in the background.

Quantum Of Solace (October 31st). Yes, so it's a horrible title. It's still better than Tomorrow Never Dies, as titles go. Daniel Craig is the best thing that has ever happened to Bond and the franchise. While Casino Royale is not quite the slam dunk it thinks it is (weak villain, horrible third act), it's still mightily entertaining stuff and it's just full of tantalising promise. It's difficult to tell from the hyperkinetic editing of the teaser trailer whether the promise has been fulfilled or not, but I'll happily pay my money to find out. Plus, Judi Dench, the second best thing to ever happen to the Bond franchise is still front and centre as M. Good good.

Blindness (November 14th). Early reviews at Cannes were disappointed with the latest film from Fernando Meirelles. I have to say the plot sounds like Day Of The Triffids without the Triffids. Also, the trailer simultaneously intrigues and excites me, but also makes me think there's potential for this to be 2008's Children Of Men (which is to say an inexplicably publically adored piece of shit). Julianne Moore rarely sets a foot wrong and there's also Mark Ruffalo and Gael Garcia Bernal in the mix. Oh, and Sandra Oh. Also, City Of God and Constant Gardener were two jaw dropping films from a direction perspective. So the odds are on the film's side if you ask me.

Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince (November 21st). Is there anyone not looking forward to this? After turning the longest book of the series into the shortest movie so far, it'll be interesting to see what they do with Book 6, in which there's an awful lot of padding and not much happens until the final third. I was interested to read that all of the big action sequences which take place off the page and are merely discussed on the page will be shown in the movie, and apparently writ large. I still think cutting the final book into two movies is the worst idea possible (just write a really fucking good adaptation! You can pare some of the midsection of the book down to a montage without losing anything for the love of God) but at least Prince would seem to be shaping up nicely.

The Day The Earth Stood Still (December 12th). Could this be the role Keanu Reeves was born to play? When I first read about this happening, I thought it was shocker of an idea. Big sci fi remakes of alien invasion movies could only conjure up a flashback to Spielberg's War Of The Worlds, which caused me some serious acid reflux. But then I saw the trailer and thought "well, I'll be. They might just make this worth watching after all." Reeves seems to fit the role in a way he hasn't since Neo and while I'm sure there will still be some fist swallowingly terrible moments from him, they will hopefully be fewer and farther between than usual.

For 2008, that's pretty much it right now. Stay tuned for the joys of 2009.

Meryl Streep can do no wrong. I love her.

2008-07-19T07:13:00.005-04:00

What started out as a hastily thrown together filler show for an unexpectedly vacated West End theatre is now a long running global phenomenon. Originally expected to last three months, next year sees the London run celebrate its tenth birthday and the Broadway production is closing in fast on its 3000th performance. Those are the two tentpole productions of this show, but there are countless other regional and international productions running, as well as touring casts. So is there anyone left who hasn't seen this show?

In case there is, there now comes the movie, something that has become increasingly inevitable with each successful movie musical adaptation of recent years. As someone who spent five years working on the London production of Mamma Mia!, by the time I left, I was well and truly done with ABBA and with the show. At that point I thought if I never heard "Dancing Queen" again, I'd be a happy man. But slowly, oh so slowly, the movie began to intrigue me. One thing that got me interested was the pitch perfect casting of Donna's best friends (and back up band), Tanya and Rosie. Julie Walters and Christine Baranski were born to play those roles. And on a more shallow level, Dominic Cooper as Sky, Sophie's betrothed? Not only is he easy on the eye, but I've loved him since Mother Clap's Molly House, which I just discovered was his first role out of drama school. Once you've seen someone being buggered over a sofa, I like to think there's a connection there.

But what really suckered me into this was the casting of Meryl Streep as Donna Sheridan. I would watch her in anything and while she's sung in films every now and again, giving us all a glimpse of her vocal possibilities, here she is carrying her first screen musical proper and the prospect of that is oddly thrilling. So I was in. There was every chance I'd have some kind of allergic reaction in the opening credits and have to leave, but I was willing to give the film a try.

I think everyone knows the plot by now. It's sort of Buona Sera, Mrs Campbell crossed with Lace as 20 year old Sophie, having never known who her father is, finds her mother's diary and discovers there are three possibilities. So she invites them all to her wedding. Only she hasn't told them who she is nor has she told her mother what she's done. So the stage is set for misunderstandings, arguments, break ups, make ups and of course ABBA songs.

The movie is streamlined from the show's 140 minute running time (admittedly including intermission), mainly by removing songs. "Thank You For The Music", "The Name Of The Game, "Under Attack", "One Of Us" and "Knowing Me, Knowing You" have all been excised. "Our Last Summer" has been moved up to much earlier and is now shared among all three possible dads (a respectable Colin Firth, an ok Stellan Skarsgaard and a completely tone deaf but game Pierce Brosnan) and Sophie (a lovely Amanda Seyfried) rather than between Harry (Firth) and Donna. Bizarrely, "When All Is Said And Done" has been shoehorned in and given to Pierce Brosnan to sing at the end, after he's demonstrated at least twice that he fundamentally can't. As changes go, that's pretty much it. Some numbers are opened out (most notably "Dancing Queen") but otherwise this is the stage show with beautiful locations (and some horribly obvious bluescreen backdrops) and a fabulous cast.

And that is where it all starts to go a bit wrong. 90% of me enjoyed the camp hilarity and what have you, 10% of me was thinking "dear sweet Jesus, what the FUCK were you THINKING?". It's been adapted, directed and choreographed by the same writer, director and choreographer that have helmed every single production since its inception. And while you have to admire the commitment and the continuity, I wonder whether all three of them were too close to it to see what really needed to be done to successfully put the show on film. Anthony Van Laast's choreography is plain godawful (the review in Entertainment Weekly said it best "It's tempting to say that Mamma Mia! has the worst choreography of any big-screen musical in history, though that would imply that what happens in the film IS choreography") but there isn't that much of it now (though what there is, especially in "Dancing Queen" is jaw droppingly, magnificently shit). The real problem comes from the direction. Phyllida Lloyd has never directed anything for television or film before, she's a stage director through and through. And it shows. The direction is uneven, uncertain and all over the place. "Money Money Money" is a prime example of that, with fantasy sequences artlessly shoved in and it is also one of the many many many numbers that switches pointlessly from diegetic to non-diegetic singing within the number. Why? Also the lack of imagination was occasionally annoying especially when all it did was demonstrate that something which works well on stage does not do so on film, no matter how vibrantly you edit it ("Voulez Vous"). And while the megamix finale is one of the show's strongest points, it's so shabbily thrown in for the credits that it made me wince more than it made me smile.

Luckily for Lloyd, Meryl Streep is such an instinctive actress that a green director can't harm her performance. She's radiant and glorious in the role, she's funny, she's charming and when she turns on the emotion it really grips you by the throat. Her reaction when Sophie asks her to give her away at her wedding is breathtaking. And then of course there's her singing. While she carries the more upbeat numbers with aplomb (anyone who can actually give me chills singing "Super Trouper" is undeniably a gifted singer), it's in the later power ballads that she really comes into her own and the big finish is her "Winner Takes It All" which has never been sung better. It is the song by which all Donnas tend to be judged and she really knocks it out of the park. I may have welled up with emotion during it (and during "Slipping Through My Fingers") but there may have just been something in my eye. Shut up.

Ultimately, the enjoyment outweighed the disappointment and I was left with a smile on my face and the thought that I wouldn't mind seeing the show again. And you can't say fairer than that.

Pass the Kool Aid on the left hand side

2008-07-12T17:24:00.003-04:00

Many of my friends will probably be surprised at the content of this picture. When the iPhone was launched, I really could not have cared less. My main two reasons for the lack of giving a shit were it was outrageously overpriced, ridiculously oversized (as a handset) and most of all, so very very slow as it was only 2G. I was not in the least bit interested in it, and I stayed that way.

Until, that is, my current mobile service provider and handset began to suck both in earnest and in unison. One or the other, I could have tolerated, but both together just about drove me to distraction. The area of the UK I live in is something of a network coverage black hole. It just so happens that the network who has the best coverage in my area are also the sole network offering the iPhone in the UK. The handset I used to have froze all the fucking time and had the most difficult keypad ever. Combine this with having to hang out of my bedroom window by one finger whilst reciting the bible backwards just to get one bar of signal and a new phone with a new provider is looking like a good deal.

So the iPhone 3G is announced. Twice as fast and half the price, which takes care of two of the three reasons I wasn't interested in the phone. It now looks sleek, slick and so very thin too. Whether it was always like that and the high price caused a blind spot, I'm not sure. But still, it's purty. Unfortunately, getting my hands on one was a little less straightforward than it could have been. The day the phone release was announced for July 11th, you could "pre-register" your interest with O2, to be alerted when they started taking preorders. This was open to existing customers wanting to upgrade and new customers to O2. Fine. I register, and I get an email telling me the iPhone is almost here and preordering begins soon. This past Monday, July 7th, I get an email at 7:45am telling me that from 8am, preordering will be up and running exclusive to those who registered with the site. So I go to the site at 8am and I whizz through the purchase process. My confirmation email is timed at 8:12am.

So far, so fabulous. Until this Thursday, July 10th rolls around. The preorder site went into meltdown at around 9:30am and crashed for a little while. At 3pm, the preorders were sold out and no further online or over the phone orders have yet been taken. According to O2, they were receiving as many as 13,000 orders per second, an absolutely unbelievable number. So, when I get a text from O2, apologising for my poor experience on Monday and to log on to the website for an update, alarm bells begin to ring. But it seems to be a long winded apology to everyone who was not successful in completing the check out or upgrade process due to the website meltdown and it says, quite clearly, that if you placed an order on Monday and it was successful, your phone will be with you July 11th and that will be confirmed by text before 6pm. Well, I get emails telling me my order is being processed, but by 7pm, no text confirming it's being delivered. I arranged the day off work as wouldn't you know it, the crippled lesbian got herself a day's worth of hospital appointments and wouldn't be home. I switched it around to work today instead. So I call them, to make sure I'm not effing with my schedule for no reason and I am told that most definitely, my phone will be delivered tomorrow. Fine.

By 11:30am on the 11th, I've still heard nothing from nobody. So I call O2 customer services again, I give them my order number and I'm told that my phone is not in stock and will not be delivered today. Unfortunately orders are processed on first come first served basis and by the time my order was placed, the preorder allocation was gone. I point out that my order was confirmed just 12 minutes after the preorders began, at least an hour before the site melted down and seven hours before the online store closed due to being sold out. How, I asked them, could that mean my order was out of stock? Did this mean nobody who placed an order after 8:15am on Monday was receiving their phone today? Apparently it did, so I can't imagine just how many furious customers they were having to deal with. I was very calm and reasonable about it and I got my first month's payment credited as an apology but when I don't have a phone, there's only so much placating you can do, especially when they say things like "all we can say right now is we should be able to complete your order within the next seven days". The word should just covers them every which way, doesn't it?

And then, at 4pm, I got an email telling me my order had been dispatched. So I call them back again to make sure I haven't hallucinated this and to make sure that the email isn't lying and an 11th July delivery is possible after all. Yes, they say, as some people could not wait and went and bought a handset from an Apple store, they have been cancelling the preorders, so yes, my order had indeed been dispatched. But no, they tell me, it won't be delivered until Saturday. The day I am working to cover the day I took off to wait in in the first place. I am too amused at the irony to be cross with them, plus I'm just happy to be getting my phone far earlier than I thought I was going to.

The instore launch was apparently disastrous and you can find any number of web forums shredding O2 for their handling of the launch. According to a friend who tried today, the O2 sale system instore was still down, having crashed at about 8:30am on Friday. Heads will clearly be rolling for that one. Sadly, Apple overstretched themselves as well and the activation system for the iPhone also went into meltdown yesterday which meant those lucky enough to actually get a phone then couldn't do anything with it.

But this story has a happy ending. The phone arrived at 8:30am this morning, right before I left for work. It powered up and activated without any issue whatsoever. And it's just the cutest thing you ever did see. So yeah, I drank the iPhone Kool Aid. It tasted yummy.

A picture truly does say 1000 words

2008-07-03T02:55:00.003-04:00

With the release of Hancock, Will Smith has been popping up all over everywhere just lately. And while I used to really enjoy him, every interview snippet I've read from him on his latest publicity tour has generally caused me to roll my eyes and think "you are such a tiresome dick these days". So you can imagine my amusement when I found the following pic over on Deus Ex Malcontent.

It truly summed up my feelings about him in such a beautifully succinct way.

Naked Farmer for July

2008-07-01T02:31:00.003-04:00

I continue to be terrified at just how very fast 2008 is whipping by. Am I alone in that feeling? Today is the motherfucking midway point of the year! And yet it feels like January was only a moment away. Tomorrow is one whole year since I saw Suzanne Vega in concert and it feels like I went last week. It's madness. Madness, I tell you.

But anyway, on to the naked guy. Here is July's offering, which I am sure you will all agree is a big step up from June's. He's far easier on the eye, though as I warned everyone at the time, he's no Mr March.

It's too bad they don't have any oil

2008-06-25T03:11:00.004-04:00

The USA has responded to the absolutely horrific situation in Zimbabwe. They are ignoring it. Well done, USA! That'll show Robert Mugabe who's boss. Sweet everloving Christ.

The Shrieking Of The Gulls

2008-06-23T02:45:00.003-04:00

I know I have blogged about them before, but this year the nest of seagulls atop the building next door are absolutely excelling themselves. It has gone from being an irritating and unlovely sound that occasionally pierces my deep sleep to a blood curdling cacophony. Imagine an ambulance siren raping a cat before butchering some children and you're part of the way there. It's just insane and they are starting as early as 3am at the moment, which means I am one tired out homo right now. And in a bid to try and make my work life more tolerable, I've been put in charge of a couple of projects, presumably to make me feel important or something. Whatever, it's shit timing as I can barely drag myself through the day with 15 cups of coffee and matchsticks holding my eyes open. Fun.

The gays: Officially different

2008-06-17T03:01:00.002-04:00

A new report has found that the brain chemistry of gays and lesbians resemble those of straight people of the opposite sex. To every gay man and lesbian reading this, it is not news. It's validation. The more studies like this, the more we move towards people no longer calling gayness a lifestyle choice.

PCB's Television Round-Up 2008. Part 3

2008-06-14T04:59:00.002-04:00

Lost

Now that is what I call a comeback. When it debuted in 2004, Lost was the shit. After its amazing first season it then spent a season and a half pissing on the audience's goodwill and losing itself that all important definite article. Midway through season 3, things began to change and the show picked up a momentum it had been sorely lacking, before delivering the best season finale of last year.

And now, the shows fourth season. Minimally affected by the strike that felled so many shows this year, Lost only lost three episodes from its season order. Starting as it meant to go on, within moments of the opening episode, we were told that only six people make it off the island. As well as being 90% flash forwards this season, which finally started to fill in the gaps that even the Lost devotees had begun to wonder whether the writers just didn't know how to fill them, it also didn't pull its punches this year either (raise your hand if you thought they wouldn't shoot Ben's daughter. Yeah, me neither). It was a thrilling and gripping season, must see television in a way it hasn't been since it rode the zeitgeist into our brains back in 2004. The double episode season finale may have suffered slightly from the fact it didn't really tell us anything we hadn't already been able to work out, but it did set up a clear arc for the show's final two seasons and answered the "who's funeral?" question from last year into the bargain. February has never seemed so far away.

Weeds

Yes yes, I know season 4 is about to start in the US and season 3 did actually finish here some weeks ago, but I somehow neglected to blog about it. While the show was airing in the US, a few friends who watched it were telling me how the first half of the season was just flat out terrible but it picked up towards the end. I don't agree. I thought the show's third season was fantastic from start to finish. Fantastic writing, stupendous performances, flawless direction and the best theme song ever, who could ask for anything more? Ok so some of the subplots were a little rushed (Andy's foray into porn for example) and some supporting characters weren't really given room to breathe properly (Maulik Pancholy) but these are fairly minor quibbles in the grand scheme of things. Now the show is moving out of Agrestic, it will be interesting to see where the 4th season goes and who it takes with it.

Pushing Daisies

I have already blogged about my discontent of ITV and their insane decision to excise an episode from the premiere showing of this show. Apparently it wasn't annoying enough that this was already strike shortened down to just 9 episodes. Whatever. Undeniably the most original show to come along in many a year, this quirky show could have gone very badly wrong. Instead it went very right indeed, striking the right balance of humour and drama, with just one problem: that fucking voiceover. I don't mind a narrator, but I don't need said narrator to ham fistedly point out the emotional subtlety going on, when the actors are doing a perfectly good job of telling it themselves. If the show's second season cuts that back and also brings focus back around to Charlotte's story, then I won't have any complaints at all.

Reaper

Another new show that has a premise which could have gone terribly, dreadfully wrong. And the very first few episodes were so uncertain in their tone that there was every possibility the show could spin of its axis into crapdom. Luckily for all concerned, the writers found their groove, the cast all settled in to their roles and everything worked out marvellously. Ray Wise as the Devil is utter genius in casting. Anyone who saw him as Leland Palmer has always been a little terrified of him anyway (or is that just me?) and so it was great to see him clearly having so much fun with this role. And any show that brings on two gay characters and has the three main straight male lead characters love hanging out with them and not have their sexuality be an issue is absolutely fine by me. Of course, they were also demons but they were good demons. Anyway, this was one show that was risking cancellation but has mercifully been renewed as a mid season replacement for 13 episodes. Here's hoping that season pulls it out of the hat and ups its viewing figures.

The Big Bang Theory

This show should not be funny. At best it should be mildly amusing, another take on a tired scenario (a guy has a crush on a girl miles out of his league). At worst this should have been flat out embarrassing to watch. Instead, it was the funniest sitcom I have seen in a long time. Jim Parsons can take an awful lot of that credit, his performance as Sheldon Cooper is comedy gold. The writing is so sharp and well observed but crucially it's never mean to the geeky quartet at its core. You're never really laughing AT them, you know? The high point of the show's debut season though simply has to be Laurie Metcalfe's appearance as Sheldon's no-nonsense mother. That episode alone provided me with more mirror quotes than most other shows can muster in a season. Bring on season 2.

Dirt

I mentioned mirror quotes up there. My crazy roommate was given crayons that write on anything and wipe clean with no fuss no mess for her birthday a couple of years ago. We use them to write quotes from tv shows on the bathroom mirror that we find particularly amusing for one reason or another. Currently, the mirror quote is "A black girlfriend trumps a Nazi father" from Dirt's second season. Everything that was wrong about the show's first season was put to rights here. The ridiculous schizophrenia was dropped from Ian Hart's character for one thing. Unfortunately, the second season ran to just 7 episodes thanks to the fucking strike. Even more annoyingly, it would seem I am in a minority in thinking the second season was leaps and bounds better than the first. Viewers switched off in droves and FX have pulled the plug on it so there will be no season 3. Frustrating.

Dirty Sexy Money

Another brand new show whose debut season was halved by the writers strike. Peter Krause's first show since the end of Six Feet Under, and it's a corker. Full of characters you should hate but don't (or do hate but in the way you're narratively supposed to), this show also pushed the envelope with the transsexual storyline they included. It seems they may have lost their bottle with it though as said transsexual has been "disappeared" but who knows what season 2 will bring. I did find it confusing that both Elle Fanning and Brooke Smith were replaced by different actresses when their characters reappeared though.

Sweet CHRIST I watch a lot of television. There are at least three shows still running too.

Flavors of Brilliance

2008-06-05T15:51:00.005-04:00

I think at this point in her career, it's fair to say that Jagged Little Pill has more fans than Alanis Morissette does. The 1995 "debut" (it was actually her third album) was a world dominating bazillion seller that her subsequent releases have not matched. Of her remaining fan base, the vast majority of them are patiently awaiting a new album that outclasses Pill. I say vast majority because, for me, her 1998 sophomore album is an absolute masterpiece. It left a lot of Pill lovers cold and I don't know if it is because when it was released I was battling with depression and trying to fend off some sort of mental breakdown (I eventually failed. I'm better now.) and so the album's darker themes connected with me on a more fundamental level, but I genuinely think that Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie is a towering achievement. So it's pleasing that, almost a full ten years later, she has delivered something that is every bit as good. Not only that, but it also sees her branching out from her musical comfort zone every now and again with a new and different sound. A sound that, to quote her directly "will make you want to dance your face off."

"Citizen Of The Planet"

The opening track is also the album's most uncertain. It's old Alanis, with ethnic influences and a prominent guitar but it's also a little unfocused lyrically.

"Underneath"

The lead single and also the first nod to the newer, dancier direction Morissette has decided to explore. You've heard it already and if you like it then you're gonna love the album.

"Straitjacket"

Starting off in an old Alanis style, with her asking over a loud guitar who you're addressing "with such fucking disrespect", this proceeds to be New Alanis and be a superb upbeat number that makes me want to dance every time I hear it, gloriously at odds with its more serious lyrics.

"Versions Of Violence"

Old Alanis is back with a loud brash rock song which seems to be about how people can be so horrific to each other in the most subtle of ways.

"Not As We"

The first ballad (just Alanis and a piano) and also the first song on the album to address her break up with Ryan Reynolds. It's absolutely beautiful and more than a little heartbreaking when it gets to the chorus and she sings about faking the fact she's making it while starting over but "I as I and not as we".

"In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man"

There's something oddly summery about the sound of this bouncy little song. Lyrically it does exactly what the title suggests.

"Moratorium"

More New Alanis. This is another song exploring the dance side of things that again melds brilliantly with Old Alanis lyrics. Another Ryan Reynolds inspired one as Morissette declares a break from anything and everything to do with relationships. It's also the song that the album title is culled from. Brilliant.

"Torch"

Another Ryan ballad. I wonder how he feels having so many songs written about him? Anyway, this is the flip side to "Bees Of My Knees" as Alanis details all the things she misses about her ex and how she never envisaged it ending the way it has.

"Giggling Again For No Reason"

New Alanis at her most successful, this is a fucking brilliant track that will make you smile when you hear it and if you can keep your feet still while it's on, then it might be because you're dead.

"Tapes"

Old Alanis is back with a song about having a tape loop of crazy thoughts playing in her head, over which she has no control. I can relate to that.

"Incomplete"

Old Alanis sticks around lyrically but New Alanis is back with her poppy upbeat music for this track that focuses on the fact that no matter how fab everything in her life might be, there's always the nagging suspicion that there's something missing.

"Orchid"

Disc 2 sees much more Old Alanis. This song does have a vaguely dancey beat but not overly so and the lyrics are very self reflective about how she's perceived and treated versus who she really is. Which is not to say I don't like it because of course I totally do.

"The Guy Who Leaves"

This has a much more forceful and darker presence yet somehow manages to be a dance influenced track too. Possibly another Ryan Reynolds inspired one, discussing how until she's truly happy, she's going to drive people who love her away from her with incessant neediness.

"Madness"

A beautiful track. Another possible Ryan one as it details how he brought a madness in her, one that stuck around after he left and how that allowed her to see herself from outside herself and view all her faults. Harsh.

"Limbo No More"

Another reflective song about how she's never really given anything in her personal life her all, and so she's always felt like she's in limbo but now she's really ready for that feeling to be over.

"On The Tequila"

In case you're thinking she's a right dreary bitch, this is a happy smiley pop song about getting smashed with your girlfriends on the titular beverage. Fun, frothy, fabulous.

"It's A Bitch To Grow Up" (iTunes bonus track)

It's easy to forget that Morissette is only 34 as she's been massively famous for a full 13 years now. Here's a little ditty about feeling "raked over coals" and having enough of it all. Is there ANYONE who's enjoyed the aging process?

And there you have it. 17 tracks, some more outstanding than others, but all of them fantastically accomplished. If you're already a fan, this will be on repeat for months. And if you aren't a fan, well, I hope this new CD doesn't inspire you to the murderous rages her previous ones have.

Naked Farmer for June

2008-06-03T16:57:00.002-04:00

I'm a little late with this one as June sort of snuck up on me. But yeah, I got nothing.

PCB's Television Round-Up 2008. Part 2

2008-05-30T02:47:00.003-04:00

Prison Break

Oh dear. The show got off to a very bad start when Sarah Wayne Callies' decision not to return forced the writers to give Sarah Tancredi an offscreen death. It did not pick up from there. The show has never really been remotely interested in realism but the third season of Prison Break showed that this was a neat idea that had been stretched to breaking point and far far beyond. Factored into that are stupid things like Michael being banged up in Panama, a country where it's always 80 degrees with 90% humidity, but wearing a long sleeved shirt the whole time because the make up for his tattoos takes too long.

Strike shortened to just 13 episodes, it seemed to go on and on forever, as they tried to break out of another prison and I failed to care. I don't think the cast did either, as the acting was terrible, with Jodi Heap O'Crap giving the worst performance in a sea of bad performances. After the stakes uppingly great second season, this was a crashing disappointment. The announcement that there will be a fourth season and that Callies is back on the show (Tancredi's death will be revealed to have been staged) is an even worse decision than letting her leave in the fucking first place. I'll probably still watch it.

Heroes

Maybe because by the time I saw the second season, the backlash was in full effect to the degree that Tim Kring had publicly apologised to fans that the sophomore season wasn't up to scratch. Or maybe it's that I watched the whole season in one big chunk rather than week to week. Whatever it was, I did not think the show took a dip at all. Sure, the new characters in and of themselves aren't the most fascinating of creatures, but meshing their storyline into Sylar's made it all very tense. Some of the storylines seemed a little redundant at first, but they all were paid off, and paid off well.

The biggest problem I had with this season was the absolutely godfuckingawful Oirish family that found Peter Petrelli. Are there no actual Irish actors they could have employed? The accents and the acting (particularly from Katie Carr as Caitlin) were jarringly awful. Other than that, I had no issues with this season. Again strike shortened to 11 episodes, at least they gave the season an ending, and with Sylar regaining his powers, looks like the third season will be quality.

Bones

The season started out better than ever. With this show, it's not the storylines that really hold the interest, it's the characters. The chemistry they all have together is really lightning in a bottle. It's always fun to watch them, even if what they're doing isn't particularly great (and the storyline to find Angela's husband was somewhat irritating).

However, the uproar over the season finale can't be ignored. The opening episode of the season, "The Widow's Son In The Windshield" set out the overall villains for the season, a supremely intelligent and evil killer, known as the Gormagon, and his apprentice. First time the show has attempted such a storyline (the only other recurring plotline has been with Brennan's father) and my hopes were high that it would be done well.

It wasn't. The strike shortened the season by a full 10 episodes and so true justice could not really be done to the Gormagon's story. In the season finale, it was revealed that Zach Addy was the apprentice, while the Gormagon himself was just "a nobody" and was killed off about three seconds after he appeared on screen. For shame! Why didn't they extend the Gormagon into the 4th season and give it room to breathe? Why did they fire Eric Millegan and give him such an unceremonious send off? While the episode was nowhere near as bad as I had feared (the opening with the fake funeral was fucking dreadful though), the Gormagon denouement was rushed and unsatisfying.

PCB's Television Round-Up 2008. Part 1

2008-05-28T02:45:00.002-04:00

Well the TV year is drawing to a close. Thanks to the writer's strike, the scheduling has gotten a little haphazard here in the UK so the 2008 summation may take longer and run to more parts than planned. To begin, I would like to talk about the two freshman shows that didn't make it.

Journeyman

First of all, Audrey Niffenegger should totally sue the creators for ripping the premise off from The Time Traveller's Wife. Second of all, there is no denying that the show took a little time to find its stride. But then all new shows do and once Journeyman settled in, established its characters and got down to telling its story, it was a really good show that had potential to become great. Sadly, NBC didn't agree and canned it. I guess it was a small mercy that all 13 episodes of the show's first and only had been completed prior to the strike. While the viewer is left hanging by the show's ambiguous finale, at least said ambiguity was planned.

The Bionic Woman

Which is more than can be said here. With just 8 scripts completed before the writers downed tools, this show never stood a chance. And that is a crying shame as the potential was huge. Michelle Ryan was very comfortable in the role, the supporting cast were all great (though I laughed when Isaiah Washington was killed off. I wonder who he called a faggot this time.) and there seemed to be multiple plot strands that would, come the season's end, be all tied together. What a pity that it never got that ending. The storyline with the other Bionic Woman now seems to serve absolutely no purpose at all. Frankly, NBC have a fucking cheek to put this out on DVD and label it as "Volume 1" when a) they are releasing all 8 episodes on that volume and we all know that b) they have no intention of there ever being a "Volume 2". Sigh.

Memorial Day blather

2008-05-26T03:46:00.003-04:00

My blog has been awfully lacklustre lately. I've just given it a lick of paint to spruce it up. Not that that is the reason for its dearth of joy. The reason is me. And the reason I have been so blah lately is very simple. I absolutely hate my job.

I changed jobs in September of last year. Nobody likes being the new kid and so the first weeks were as tough as I expected. But then I got settled in and I grew to really enjoy the job and I liked the majority of my colleagues into the bargain. But then at the beginning of the year, there were some changes in upper management. The new people who came in then made some enormous sweeping changes, all for the worse. The end result of the changes has been that everyone is miserable and hates it but nobody in management seems to give a shit. I have gone from true enjoyment to not really wanting to get out of bed in the morning.

However, unlike a lot of people I work with, I refuse to just sit around and whine as that doesn't resolve anything. I am also not afraid to make myself heard. Last week I had a 1 to 1 with my boss that should have been for an hour. At the very beginning she asked me how I was. One hour and 45 minutes later, she knew EXACTLY how I was. Rather than be a tirade of negativity, I did address it all in professional and constructive ways so I do feel like I was listened to and some of the stuff I brought up has already been addressed, so that's good. We'll see how it continues, I guess. If it picks up or even levels off, I think I'll be ok to tough it out until the fabled b plan kicks into action. If, however, by the end of the year things are any worse, I'll be out of there.

I'm going to be kind and label this as "misguided"

2008-05-21T02:49:00.004-04:00

Listen, I love Scarlett Johansson. I do. She's a great actress, she doesn't play the Hollywood game and she's an absolute raving beauty. When I first heard she was planning an album of Tom Waits covers, it made some sort of sense. Her speaking voice is deep and expressive, so the songs would suit her range. Also, Waits' material can have a flair for the dramatic that, reworked in the right hands, can be amazing (check out Megan Mullally's take on "Ruby's Arms").

Unfortunately, the end result is the aural equivalent of this:

which is to say, it's ill fitting, it's vaguely embarrassing and it's also murderously drab at the same time. She can just about carry a tune, but there's absolutely no range to her voice, nor is there any expression or emotion. And her voice is buried under bland and insipid arrangements of the songs, which do nothing to disguise the fact that she's massively out of her depth.

Since she's been in the public eye for some time now, it's easy to forget that Scarlett is only 23 years old. It's possible that she might have some people cut her some slack due to her young age. Well, as much as I love her, I can't do that. When the likes of Laura Marling, Adele, Mika and Amy MacDonald are producing infinitely more interesting and massively superior work when they are even younger than that, I can't bring myself to chalk this one up to naivete. Like Katherine Heigl, ScarJo has a huge army of very loud haters who will go after her for any reason (if you're feeling brave enough, check out the imdb boards for the both of them. It's unbelievable). With "Anywhere I Lay My Head", all Johansson has done is hand her detractors 50 minutes of very valid sticks with which to beat her. Shame.

A Day At The Theatre

2008-05-17T13:06:00.005-04:00

Last Saturday I had a day in London to take in a couple of shows. One of them was courtesy of a friend who got me the ticket for my birthday, the other was me splashing out. I decided that, as I hadn't had a day to myself in the capital for what felt like ages, I would walk everywhere rather than take the tube. It was a hot and humid day so that wasn't one of my better decisions. It took 45 minutes to walk from Victoria station to the National, so praise Jesus they had air conditioning.

The Year Of Magical Thinking

This was the present. I really really wanted to see this when it was on in NYC but the run was too short for me to find time to get over there for it. While I was on my extended stay there back in 2005 was when Didion's memoir was published to much fanfare and fabulous reviews. I remember really wanting to read it but for some reason I still haven't gotten round to it.

Anyway, Didion has now adapted the memoir for the stage, handing over the acting duties to her good friend Vanessa Redgrave. Friends of mine who have seen Redgrave perform on stage in John Gabriel Borkman and Long Day's Journey Into Night have all commented how she is so much better than the rest of the cast, it's like she is in a different play altogether. Thus, a solo piece fits her well. More of that later.

The original book followed Didion holding her life together after, on December 30, 2003, her husband and professional partner of 40 years, John Gregory Dunne, died suddenly at their home while they were having dinner. Compounding her grief, their only child was lying gravely ill in a medically induced coma. The titular thinking is something Didion adopts as a coping mechanism, an "if" thinking, as in "if I can keep her safe, then he'll come back". The book ended on a note of hope, with her daughter Quintana seemingly on the road to recovery.

Technically, the play is Twenty Months of Magical Thinking as it is extended to take in her daughter, and her continued battle with her failing health. The battle was lost, (or as Didion puts it "she let go of the fence") to complications from acute pancreatitis, on August 26, 2005. I swear I read somewhere that Didion was not going to update the memoir when she wrote the play, but I can't find the article. It does of course make sense to update the play but in expanding your canvas, in order to shrink it into 95 minutes, then some of the original material is not going to make the cut. Some of the ardent fans of the book are not thrilled by some of the material Didion has chosen to excise, apparently.

Vanessa Redgrave is pretty incredible in the role. Her American accent was as bad as I was expecting (it was in fact the same mid Atlantic mishmash she had on Nip/Tuck) but it's my only criticism. At 71 years of age, this could be the pinnacle of what is already a legendary career. She has such an intense and mesmerising presence that it is impossible not to listen to every word she says over the course of the play. I defy anyone's heart not to break at the moment the magical thinking stops being enough and Redgrave wails in anguished grief that she "needs more, I need him. I need him back." The monologue is peppered with humourous asides to leaven the tone as well as reminisces of her life with her husband and daughter, so it's not all doom and gloom. The sense of loss and sadness is always there though, and when the play gets to Didion saying a last goodbye to Quintana, it's absolutely wrenching.

The play is simply staged, just one chair and four watercolour backdrops that disappear throughout the play to leave a bare stage. After Redgrave has uttered the play's final words and left the stage, a new backdrop appears. It's this photo:

Which just breaks your heart all over again.

After that I needed some air, so I walked to Selfridge's, just past Bond Street tube station, to treat myself to some girly shower gel and some manly aftershave. Then it was on to play number two.

Small Change

Hmmmm. I only went to see this on the strength of the cast. I have been a fan of Luke Evans since seeing him in Taboo but somehow this is only the fourth thing I have seen him in. And he's really hot. Lindsey Coulson's Carol Jackson was the best thing to ever happen to EastEnders so her being in the play was an added bonus.

I just wish it hadn't been so average. Described as Peter Gill's masterpiece of a play, it is a memory play, a chamber piece with just four characters and no set to speak of, just four chairs. I feel like I've been here before. It tells the story of two men who grew up next door to each other and were best friends before tragedy broke them apart and ensured that secrets would be buried forever and their relationship would remain unresolved.

Sounds fascinating, right? And it would be if it hadn't been told in such a frustratingly elliptical style. It is all over the place, jumping back and forth to tell fragments of the story in no apparent order. At one point, the two boys are laying on the floor looking up at the moon and in the same exchange of dialogue talk about how bright the sun is. It's not done well enough to be obvious that this is the collapse of several years worth of conversations into 20 lines, you just think the writer didn't notice he'd fucked up. Given that the writer is also the director of this production, I'd like to think he noticed.

Unresolved is also the keyword of the night. When the two boys meet again as grown men, the truth of their relationship begins to push its way to the surface but the dialogue keeps jumping back to when they were kids, larking around being told off by their mum and so on. It's an absolutely maddening technique that made me want to yell "for fuck's sake could you just once FINISH AN EVERLOVING SENTENCE?" and I somehow doubt that was the emotion Gill was aiming for. This was an evening that had it not been for the four stellar performances, would have been a total waste. Shame.

Her sugar is raw

2008-05-10T06:49:00.002-04:00

A conversation between myself and one of my very best friends:

Her: So will you be attending the Sticky & Sweet Tour?
Me: Hell no! You?
Her: I'm considering it, but it's so expensive again.
Me: I know. Ridiculous.
Her: You'll probably change your mind though. You did last time after all.
Me: True. And that concert was.....not great. Plus, this time she's playing Wembley Stadium and not the Arena, so a decent view will be an impossibility.
Her: Oh. I didn't notice it was the Stadium. Well bugger THAT.
Me: Uh huh.

Something's coming, something good

2008-05-08T02:45:00.002-04:00

I recently decided I hate the layout and colour scheme of my blog. It needs an overhaul, does everyone agree? The contrast of the white text on the black background is just too darn harsh, I feel. So a reworking is in the works. Any tips or suggestions or tutorials in working html code will be gratefully received.

Naked Farmer for May

2008-05-01T02:44:00.002-04:00

I surely cannot be the only one who is terrified by the speed at which 2008 is whipping by, can I? The other day I saw a TV Spot for Iron Man and thought "why are they starting the campaign for that movie SO ridiculously early?" before the "previews May 1, everywhere May 2" line at the end made me realise just how NOT early the ad was. Anyway. I digress and so without further ado, here's the Naked Farmer adorning my desk for the next 31 days:

Hard Candy with a soft centre

2008-04-28T14:25:00.002-04:00

Maybe it's because I was not expecting it to be any good at all, but the 900th new album from 1000 year old Madonna is really fucking good. I have only listened to it once and I still really don't like the lead single "4 Minutes" (and it doesn't really seem to gel with the rest of the album) but for now I'm really surprised at how good the album is.

iPod sadness into iPod joy

2008-04-22T16:48:00.001-04:00

Not long after I bought my 60Gb iPod, Apple announced the new iPod Touch and the revamped "Classic" iPod, discontinuing the model I had just bought. Brilliant. They also slashed the price of the Classic almost in half, whilst more than doubling the lowest gigabyte amount you buy (80, up from 30). I was annoyed but I still loved my iPod and when my friend Eric bought a Classic while I was visiting him in NYC, I was jealous, but I still loved my iPod.

But lately I have been thinking bad, unfair thoughts about my iPod and how I really really wanted an 80Gb Classic. I think it heard me and one day last week I put my headphones in as I was leaving the house for my daily 30 minute walk to work and the sound came out of just the one channel. I was PISSED and looked into getting it fixed. Not cheap. Not massively costly or anything, but not cheap. However, due to my own idiocy when doing the initial charge on the iPod's battery when first purchased, I never got more than about 8 hours out of it, and sooner rather than later, that fucker would need to be replaced too. More cost. But, I have an iPod stereo at home which charges the battery when the iPod is connected and has no use for the headphone jack. So I rationalised it to myself and became a 2 iPod person. I have the 80Gb Classic for being out and about, the old 60Gb at home as my stereo.

I do love the new Classic. Having spent the better part of a weekend transferring all the music across and then the better part of a morning fixing the issues with the Cover Flow feature, it is now officially a thing of beauty. I also, as you can see from the widget at the top of the blog, got myself an iTunes account. Frankly, I don't know what took me so long. However, it could also be the undoing of me as something about it doesn't seem like spending real money, you know? It's like the one click purchase feature on Amazon, only so much worse. Anyway, the widget is there for any and all of you to cast your critical gaze over my musical tastes.

One last thing, I haven't forgotten about spilling the rest of the beans about my B plan. That entry is coming, I promise.

I HATE ITV!

2008-04-16T02:37:00.002-04:00

The UK's TV schedules have been all over the place for the 2007-2008 season. Usually, imported US drama begins here in January and as we don't have hiatuses, they finish airing only a couple of weeks or so after their US run has ended. But with "no delay" deals on some show and then the writers strike coming along, it's all been a little bit all over the place of late.

Pushing Daisies is one of the few hit US shows to have been snaffled up by ITV and shown on their flagship channel, ITV1. The two other US imports they have that I can think of (Bionic Woman and Supernatural, both air on their cable channel, ITV2). After a lengthy ad campaign for Pushing Daisies on TV and in the cinema, it finally began this past Saturday evening and scored very high ratings for its timeslot. So how does ITV reward all the people in the UK who didn't grow tired of waiting and illegally download the show? They skip episode 2, jumping straight from the pilot to episode 3.

Their reasoning? Having purchased all nine episodes of the strike shortened first season months and months ago, they then dicked around with the scheduling until, too late, realising there are but 8 weeks to go until Euro 2008 means there is nothing but football on the TV for weeks on end. Their solution is to dump the episode rather than show a double bill at any point in the 8 weeks, which is obviously the most sensible thing, isn't it? Right after its premiere last weekend, they showed American Pie. That couldn't have been bumped by an hour or not shown at all in favour of a double bill opening? Come on! And for ITV to blame the writers strike is really disingenuous too. Within days of the strike's resolution back in February, it was announced that start up costs of Pushing Daisies (along with Heroes, Dirty Sexy Money and Chuck) and it would return for a full second season. So for two months now they've known that nine episodes is all they're getting. Fuck you ITV. Fuck you right in the ear.

Until someone loses an eye

2008-04-15T02:51:00.003-04:00

So I have a question. When we were all watching Dawson's Creek, who out there thought that Michael Pitt would be the one to have the most interesting career? Who thought that moon faced infant Henry Parker had the chops for it? I know I didn't, my money was on Michelle Willams. But with projects like Hedwig & The Angry Inch, The Dreamers and Last Days, Pitt has emerged as a fearless and very talented actor. Go figure.

His latest tour de force performance comes in Funny Games, Michael Haneke's remake of his own 1997 Austrian original. I don't quite know why Haneke chose to remake and chose to remake it shot for shot as all that happens is the remake ends up being hamstrung by the same issues as the original, but there you go. The film focuses on a family who fall prey to two young pyschopaths who toy with them, torture them a little before eventually killing them. However, the film is peppered with ridiculous plot contrivances to remind the viewer that this is only a film and Pitt's character addresses the audience on a few occasions, making them (us) complicit in the film's plot. The film ends with Pitt staring down the camera and frankly, for me, that would have been enough. I didn't need the constant badgering throughout to remind me that a)it's a film, b)it's a film centering on the torture and murder of a family who have done nothing to deserve it and c) it's a film I have chosen to watch.

One level the film IS worth watching on is the performance level. The quartet of central performances are all outstanding. As the tortured couple, Naomi Watts and Tim Roth really go for broke and Brady Corbet, so sweet and innocent three years ago in Mysterious Skin, really proves he can act as Pitt's less intelligent sidekick. However, the film belongs to Michael Pitt, who is simply incredible as the chilly charming madman, getting the balance between creepy and camp just right so that he never lapses into parody and is never less than wholly convincing. In your FACE, Katie Holmes.

Broke my heart at the Funplex (yes you did, yes you did)

2008-04-14T14:23:00.003-04:00

Dear God I love them so much. I have been really really looking forward to this album and it really doesn't disappoint. Every track is a sunshine filled poptastic joy, from the exuberant opener "Pump" (best opening line of an album in a long time - "I look at you and I'm ready to pump") to the closing bars of "Keep This Party Going", if you don't have a smile on your face and a bounce in your step with this album, then check your pulse as you could be dead. The bonus live track of "Private Idaho" made me shed tears of joy as I supressed the urge to dance down the street. Sixteen years since their last studio album, this is a long awaited and frankly joyous return, so welcome back, B-52's. It's been a dull place without you.

Spring Forward

2008-04-07T02:49:00.005-04:00

The clocks changed in the UK last weekend and by this Thursday it was warm and sunny, so much so you could walk around in just a t-shirt without any problem. And then I woke up on Sunday morning to this:

Where I live in the UK, for some reason, doesn't really do snow. On the occasions that it can muster up the wherewithal for a snowstorm, there's rarely any coverage and if there is, it melts pretty quickly. So when I saw that out my bedroom window yesterday, I just thought "well it won't last". Then, three hours later:

Craziness. There's still some snow around this morning. According to my crazy roommate who has lived here for a decade, this is the first time it's snowed like this since she's lived here. I'm so glad there's no such thing as global warming.

April's Naked Farmer

2008-04-02T02:52:00.001-04:00

See? Something of a come down from March's guy isn't it?

An Easter fright treat for you all

2008-03-24T15:18:00.003-04:00

Madonna's new single is online. Check it out here. I don't like it, not yet, but maybe it's a grower.

What is NOT a grower is the absolutely Christing awful album cover she's gone with. See?

I would say something but every time I look at it, my eyes start to bleed. Woman, you're 50 in a few months time. Put your vagina away, lay off the botox and grow old gracefully, for fucks sake.

Oh my poor neglected little blog

2008-03-21T15:05:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted anything since the beginning of the month! Well, this would be because I haven't really had anything remotely interesting to say and I have been totally defeated by apathy into the bargain. There are a couple of things going on behind the scenes at the moment though that I made the conscious decision to keep off my blog until everything was complete. I also swore I wouldn't mention them at ALL until they were complete. Since I broke that little vow and I am a big time hater of people who post shit like "there's this huge thing happening in my life but I just can't talk about it", I will most likely do a big blog catch up post soon. Right now though, apathy (and television and pizza) are winning out.

Oh and happy Easter!

I just hate Diablo Cody

2008-03-03T02:50:00.002-05:00

I'm sure there are a lot of struggling screenwriters who watched the vastly overrated Juno and Cody's unjust Oscar win and were thinking murderously hateful and jealous thoughts. My reasons for wanting to slap her stupid face whenever I see it has nothing to do with being jealous. I just think she's a moron.

First of all, her reaction to the publicity about the million dollar shoes she was due to wear at the Oscars was hilarious. To think, the designer would use her for publicity. Shocking! How could they? Cody blogged about how she was pissed and felt taken advantage of and so she ditched the shoes at the last minute. It's a good thing she did, really, as those million dollar shoes would have clashed something awful with her $50 dress, rightly fugged by those fabulous Fug Girls.

And now, to commemorate her undeserved success for the underwhelming movie she wrote, Cody wants to get a tattoo. Of Ellen Page's face. Not the movie title or something understated and simple like that. Nope. Ellen Page's face. She thinks it would look great. What it would actually look like is cheap and desperate. In which case, it'll fit right in.

Naked Farmer for March

2008-03-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

The hottest from the naked farming dozen on the calendar so it's only fair and right he's the man for my birthday month, wouldn't you say?

Hot Guy Monday: Javier Bardem

2008-02-25T16:04:00.002-05:00

After his much deserved victory last night for his frankly terrifying turn in No Country For Old Men, what better time to celebrate the hotness of Javier? There's just something about him that makes me go all weak in the knees and even though he's not classically good looking or anything, he's so rugged and masculine and indeed hot, that I would touch my toes for him pretty much at the drop of a hat. Even in his Oscar winning role, saddled with a haircut from hell and a personality to match, there was one scene where he had just got out the bath after washing his wounds clean and I still would have totally gone there.

Marion Cotillard won!

2008-02-25T02:44:00.002-05:00

And so did Tilda Swinton! And Javier Bardem! It was a good night all round, it could only have been improved if Juno had gone home empty handed and either The Savages or Lars & The Real Girl has won Best Original Screenplay instead.

Simultaneously over AND under the weather

2008-02-23T04:08:00.002-05:00

I have grown to really hate UK weather of late. We don't seem to have seasons any longer, I haven't seen snow since 2005 and generally I am just over it. We have had another warm winter with occasional cold snaps (thank God there's no such thing as global warming, right Mr Bush?) rather than the long stretch of germ killing cold we so desperately need. And the past couple of weeks has been bright sunny sunshine during the day and then the second the sun goes, the temperature has dropped through the floor. This makes the fact I am walking to work in the sun and home in the dark something of a clothing headache.

And of course, the erratic changes in temperature have wreaked havoc on my immune system and I have come down with a cold. Not sick enough to stay home from work on a justifiable level, I have been feeling rubbish all week. Just how rubbish and tired and blah was underlined for me last night when I went to watch this week's Reaper that I had recorded, only to discover instead of taping an hour and two minutes of television, I had taped four minutes. Bitter.

Blood, Sweat & Tears

2008-02-18T16:21:00.003-05:00

I saw There Will Be Blood on Saturday night. I was sort of intrigued to see it, but never what you might call excited. I run very hot and cold where Paul Thomas Anderson is concerned and I flat out fucking hated Punch Drunk Love. But this film is a rare beast indeed and one that should be seen.

At its centre, the film has what would, for any other actor, be a career defining, revelatory performance. But it's Daniel Day-Lewis and therefore it's business as usual. There's something about Lewis I just can't take to. He's such a cold fish. He's a phenomenal actor, but he's serious and humourless about his "craft" to the point of mind numbing tedium, and so painfully Method about everything, I often just want to shake him and say "oh for heavens sake would you lighten up?". He can be unforgiving to work with too, as the unnamed actor originally cast in the role of Eli Sunday will attest. Let go from the film midway through the shoot because, to quote Day-Lewis "we just weren't coping". With all that being said, his performance as Daniel Plainview is pretty astonishing.

There Will Be Blood is Plainview's story, foloowing him from humble solo beginnings, until he is a oil baron, commanding hundreds of men. During the story's wordless opening (it is a full eleven and a half minutes before any dialogue appears) Plainview adopts a fallen colleague's child for what might initially be seen as compassionate reasons. But in this film, nothing is really what it seems. Plainview is a man with no morals, no scruples, no nothing. Apparently. And yet, there are some moments that could be construed as genuinely tender. What struck me is that Plainview is a man constantly at war with himself, strangling any compassionate feelings because he knows he has to in order to survive rather than actually being an out an out calculating sociopath. Paul Dano is the constant thorn in Plainview's side, preaching religion and not hesitating in blackmailing people to act out his revenge. There are some truly thrilling moments in these scenes where he and Plainview clash against each other. Unfortunately, Dano was cast with just four days to prepare and consequently, while he's very good considering, he struggles with some of the less subtle sermons the fervent Eli delivers. Performance-wise though, the real revelation is Dillon Freasier as the young HR Plainview, Daniel's adopted son and, in just one heartbreaking scene, Russell Harvard as the grown up HR.

And so it goes, for 150 character driven, perfectly paced, exquisitely directed, always engrossing minutes. And then, some people say, Anderson spends 8 minutes completely upsetting the apple cart, pushing Day Lewis' performance so far over the top it comes down the other side, and taking Plainview to a conclusion that is anything but logical. Well to those people, I say this; poppycock. The final scene of the movie is pitch perfect and, if you read Plainview in the way I did, makes entirely logical sense. It doesn't make for comfortable easy viewing, but it makes sense. A film to be admired and respected rather than loved, There Will Be Blood is challenging viewing, but a challenge that is infinitely rewarding.

Hot Guy Monday*: Bret Harrison

2008-02-17T08:45:00.004-05:00

*Yes, I know it's Sunday but my internet connection has been off and on all week (more off than on) and driving me insane. It's back at the moment so I thought I would strike while the iron was hot.

Anyway, I have started watching and am thoroughly enjoying Reaper. I am heartened that, now the writer's strike is over, it's one of the freshman shows gearing back up for more episodes (which is more than can be said for the likes of Bionic Woman). Anyway, as much as I am enjoying how funny and dark the show is, my enjoyment is undeniably enhanced by the incredibly easy on the eye Bret Harrison in the title role.

There's apparently some contractual clause whereby he has to take his shirt off every week. Fine by me.

A turn up for the books

2008-02-10T07:41:00.001-05:00

Technically, it's a turn up for the movies but that is not the saying now, is it? Anyway, two movies recently opened in the UK, arriving from the US on tidal waves of hype and hysteria (and in one film's case, many award nominations). I have now seen both and had my expectations confounded in both instances. Allow me to elaborate further.

Cloverfield's hype machine started about twenty minutes after the teaser trailer debuted, out of nowhere, in front of the US release of Transformers. It all kicked off so quickly that I was instantly suspicious of it all. It seemed so very planned. And of course it was, as JJ Abrams, the film's producer and publicity mastermind, has now admitted. The teaser trailer was specially shot and was in theatres a week before principal photography on the picture started rolling. As the film's US release neared, and new trailers demonstrated that the film was nothing more than a mash up of Blair Witch Project and any number of monster movies, what little interest I may have had in it quickly evaporated. The precipitously steep second weekend drop off in the US confirmed what I had come to believe before seeing it: the film was no good and word of mouth was killing it dead.

But I still went to see it, mainly because I wanted to be able to sneer about it from a more informed perspective (the same reason that I continue to watch Prison Break, even though it jumped the shark about 8 episodes ago). And I'll be damned, but I actually really enjoyed it. Not buying into hype, it seems, is a good thing. While the film is not perfect, it is still hugely enjoyable. I liked that you never found out anything about where the monster was from, why it had appeared, nothing. It was just there and there was something fantastically unsettling about not having an overly intrusive musical score or editing style to dictate when to jump, when to be scared, when to hide behind your hands, etc.

It wasn't perfect, of course. A couple of obvious blue screen moments and some nagging questions that pull you out of the reality of the situation (would one character really walk three miles through subway tunnels in strappy high heels without taking them off or complaining about how much her feet are hurting?) but for a film that you know the outcome of from the very beginning (we're told that the film was recovered at the site formerly known as Central Park, so you know going on that nobody is going to make it out alive), it is still pretty riveting to watch. There is already talk of a sequel though, which would be a terrible idea. Book Of Shadows, anyone?

And then there's Juno. Originally this entry was going to be titled "what not to expect when you watch a movie about someone who's expecting" but that was too cumbersome. Anyway, it is opening here having gone from being "little seen indie film" to "rave reviewed, Oscar nominated, huge box office smash hit movie" seemingly overnight. I have been seeing trailers for it since October and thought it looked like it could be cute and funny as well as insightful and honest. Well, how wrong I was.

The performances are the only good thing the movie had to offer. Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Alison Janney, JK Simmons, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, all great. But the dialogue, oh sweet Jesus, the dialogue. Nobody talks the way these people do. People like Juno simply do not exist and so making an oh so real film with that character as your centrepiece? I was never going to buy it. It's telling that the film only works when it drops its "I'm so smart and clever, LOOK AT ME AND NOTICE how smart and clever I am" schtick that made me want to track writer Diablo Cody down and punch her in the face. Even more telling, the only moment that really feels genuine and true is entirely devoid of speech, as Juno and Bleecker embrace after she has given birth. I keep reading reviews that say how one of the reasons Juno is such a success is because it is a lot smarter than you think it is going to be. I could not agree less and I have to say the biggest reason that I fundamentally don't think it's a good film is because it isn't anywhere near as smart as it thinks it is.

The Books of 2008

2008-02-09T07:35:00.004-05:00

aka if Limecrete is doing it then I can too. So here it is, my 2008 reading list so far and I will update with every finished book. Feel free to comment, disagree, suggest, criticise, snipe, whatever :-).

The Gathering - Anne Enright

I hated Enright's style of writing so intensely I gave up after fifty tedious pages.

We Disappear - Scott Heim

I had a brief email friendship with Scott Heim in the lead up to the release of Mysterious Skin, Gregg Araki's top notch adaptation of Heim's debut novel. It started when I attended a festival screening of the movie and Heim was there for a post screening Q & A. On the way out, I found myself behind him and so I tapped him on the shoulder and politely enquired when we could expect to see his third book.

Three years later and here it is. It was worth the wait. A highly personal story inspired by caring for his mother as she succumbed to cancer, that is the book's central narrative (with characters named Scott and Donna, his mother's name) with some decidedly dark twists. His mother has been obsessed with missing kids the whole time he's known her and they bonded in his teens over the death of one of Scott's classmates. In her final months, he returns home, battling a crushing meth addiction and his mother reveals an awful secret to him that sends his world into disarray. Dark, depressing, beautiful and oddly uplifting, this book is all the stronger for leaving a lot of loose ends rather than going for neat resolutions.

The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

I toyed with reading this book several times and never did, as my track record with historical fiction is not what you would call stellar. I saw the movie with one of my best friends (and ex-flatmate). Neither of us particularly enjoyed it, but she's a HUGE fan of the novel and implored me to read it, assuring me it bore no resemblance to the film.

She was not wrong. Gregory knows her stuff and has researched to within an inch of her life, keeping as much historical accuracy as dramatically possible. Her descriptions are rich and vivid and the obvious knowledge Gregory has of her subject means that she can weave the fiction around the fact and make for a pretty seamless blend. Managing to succeed as a character study (of both the Boleyn girls) as well as a fascinating narrative in its own right, Gregory's fluid storytelling won me over and I will be seeking out her other books for sure.

Transgressions - Sarah Dunant

A nasty and gripping thriller from an author whose later novels have been historical romances. Go figure. I was intrigued by the description of a woman living alone following an ugly break up who begins to think either her house is haunted or that her twisted ex is messing with her after an unexplained series of events. That is until one night she wakes in the middle of the night to find out what is really going on. Who wouldn't be sucked in with a jacket description like that? The revelations about "what is really going on" are ever so slightly terrifying and turn what had been mildly interesting into a real page turner. Not one to read if you live alone though.

Blind Fall - Christopher Rice

Sigh. I loved the first two books from Rice. I finished The Snow Garden in a day and a half when I was home sick from work in fact. His third novel was a long time coming and when it arrived, it was an over plotted mish mash that didn't really come together. It's disheartening to note that his latest suffers from the same faults. Characters never really make it beyond the two dimensional and the plot is too far fetched and not well enough constructed to pull the reader in. Here's hoping the losing streak does not continue.

No Time For Goodbye - Linwood Barclay

Another book I picked up purely because of the jacket description. A drunken teenager has a fight with her family one night. The next morning, she wakes up with a bad hangover and the dread of having to face up to her parents over her antics the night before. Only her family are gone. Vanished without a trace, a note, nothing. She's all alone. Quite the jumping off point, no? Picking up twenty five years after that fateful night as Cynthia, the girl left behind, turns to a tv show to publicise her story again, in the hope of stirring up some answers. Once the cranks and the charlatans are out of the way, just as she's about to give up hope, a letter arrives and its contents send her world spinning of its axis. It's an utterly fascinating read and I loved that I had NO idea exactly what had happened until Barclay reveals it to the reader. And while you could argue that by the novel's end, all the loose ends are cleaned up a little too neatly, the final pages still packs a hefty emotional punch. Recommended.

The Almost Moon - Alice Sebold

Following up her universally adored fiction debut, Sebold gives her readers something altogether less easy to love. The story of a middle aged woman who kills her ailing mother, the book is populated by spiky and not altogether likeable characters. It is very tangential in its telling, giving it a somewhat ramshackle feel and it is also quite elliptical, which makes the reader do the dot joining in places, which I am all for. Utterly devoid of sentimentality, Sebold proves herself to be an incisive and intelligent wordsmith.

Duma Key - Stephen King

Ah, Mr King. We've had a stormy time of it lately, but I've been reading your novels for 20 years now (a thought more terrifying than any of his output, thank you kindly). While I have not loved every one of his novels, nor have I fanatically read every single one, when King hits the bullseye, it's gripping stuff that generally exceeds his "horror novelist" limitations.

Since being mown down and almost killed 9 years ago (9 years! Jesus I feel so old), King's output has been, well, I'll be kind and say erratic. Dreamcatcher was one of his worst books, bordering on unreadable. Cell was no-nonsense delight. And so we come to Duma Key, which falls somewhere in the middle. Telling the story of Edgar Freemantle, who almost dies in an industrial accident (can't imagine what inspired him) and moves to the titular Key, minus an arm, to recuperate from his almost fatal injuries. Here he meets Jerome Wireman, an ex-lawyer with wounds of his own, and the aging Elizabeth Eastlake, who owns most of the Key. When Edgar suddenly finds a talent for painting he never had before, slowly the horrific past of the Key and the Eastlake family comes to light, reaching into Edgar's life and altering it forever.

Leaving aside the clunky character names, the main problem I had with the book is Wireman. He's really fucking irritating. Told in the first person by Edgar, the opening pages of the book are all written after the main events, being all reflective. Every other paragraph, it seems, contains some ghastly homespun philosophy, followed by "that's what Wireman says". Several chapters before his arrival, I'm already over him. So when he insists on overusing the word "muchacho" along with the philosophies, well, it's the final nail in his coffin for me.

This meant I persevered with this book through gritted teeth as the main story was intriguing. And so when that went a little off the rails in the final pages, it was a little irritating to say the least. Duma Key tries to tell a big story on a grand scale and ends up falling short. So while it's not unreadable, it's not one of King's best either, not by a long shot.
.

The Eyre Affair - Jasper Fforde
Lost In A Good Book - Jasper Fforde
The Well Of Lost Plots - Jasper Forde
Something Rotten - Jasper Fforde
First Among Sequels - Jasper Fforde

A dear friend recommended Jasper Fforde to me and I shall be eternally grateful that she did. His novels are absolutely genius. Set in an alternate version of the real world, it is a place where you can travel through time, step inside novels, croquet is a contact sport, Shakespeare plays are audience participation affairs and cheese is an illegal substance. With The Eyre Affair, Fforde introduces us to the fabulous Thursday Next, a literary detective with SpecOps, who dedicates her professional life to such matters as stolen original manuscripts, unearthing forgeries, etc. Her demented uncle invents a way to step inside fiction, literally by entering the book and when it falls into the wrong hands, Jane Eyre ends up being kidnapped and it is Thursday's mission to return her safe and well.

Describing them here really doesn't do Fforde's fabulously loopy ideas and fluid story telling justice. When Thursday discovers that there is a real fictional world, where characters live and books are created (the ideas fed to the author by the characters), she becomes a member of Jurisfiction, dedicating to stopping crime in the fiction world (eliminating grammasites, tracking down page runners and so on) as well as maintaining her SpecOps role in the real world.

In addition to being cleverly plotted crime novels, the Thursday Next series are also consistently laugh out loud funny, packed full of literary jokes and a fantastically colourful supporting cast make them a joy to read. With the latest of the series, the wormhole does threaten to collapse in on itself, but somehow Fforde manages to pull off having not one but three Thursdays in the same book. I have unfortunately read all five in the space of two weeks and now have to wait until 2009 for the next installment, currently going under the working title of One of Our Thursdays Is Missing.

The Big Over Easy - Jasper Fforde
The Fourth Bear - Jasper Fforde

Not content with having one series, Fforde wrote himself a spin off. In The Well Of Lost Plots, Thursday takes refuge in the fictional world for reasons it would take too long to explain here. The titular well is where unpublished manuscripts and half formed ideas reside. Thursday is living in one of these, a hackneyed crime novel that is possibly beyond salvage. A subplot of Well sees Thursday trying to resolve a dispute and threatened strike by nursery rhyme characters and other people who inhabit what he calls the Oral Tradition. Her eventual resolution is to house them all in the hackneyed novel, thereby saving it from deletion. And lo, The Big Over Easy is born. A whodunnit with the victim is Humpty Dumpty and the investigating officers are Jack Sprat and Mary Mary (she's quite contrary). Somehow, Fforde makes this work on as many levels as the Next novels and not only did I laugh out loud pretty consistently I also had NO idea where he was going with it. Brilliant.

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

I finally caved and read The Kite Runner late last year. I don't know why I had avoided it for so long, but I pretty much devoured it whole once I started it. It has its detractors for being too heavily reliant on coincidences but I'll take coincidences when they are this poetically written and when the author resists from the cliche happy sappy ending with the easy answers. Suns is not as easy to love nor as easy to read. It is slower going but once it hits its stride then it's very engaging, occasionally jaw dropping and ultimately heartbreaking as it tells the story of two women, the man who marries them both and the toll he, the Soviets and the Taliban take on their lives.

February's Farmer

2008-02-01T02:41:00.000-05:00

Here is the naked farmer for the month. To accompany him, here's another crazy, unfortunate but verified as true name:

Zenier Snowball Snowball.

A snippet of conversation

2008-01-31T15:41:00.000-05:00

between myself and a friend who attended last weekend's SAG Awards:

Him: You know how when you're in a crowded room and you have to sort of squeeze past people?
Me: Sure......
Him: Well, I rubbed my cock against Zac Efron.
Me: I'm sure he loved it.

So anyway, about those Oscar nominations

2008-01-27T16:47:00.000-05:00

Now that Heath Ledger's death has not been revealed to be some sick practical joke, I guess it's time to blog about something else that happened on Tuesday: the Oscar nominations.

Best Picture

Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

So am I the only person who was not knocked off his chair by Michael Clayton? It has been hailed as an intelligent and complex thriller. Actually it just jumbles up the narrative in the hope you won't notice how resoundingly straightforward it is. It's bolstered by some classy performances, which have also been recognised, but that's about it. I saw No Country For Old Men this week and up to that point I was all for Atonement winning lots. No Country blew that right out of the water.

Best Director

Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Jason Reitman, Juno
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood

That being said, I am gutted for Joe Wright. His direction is absolutely masterful and I would have nominated him over Gilroy.

Best Actor

George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

And I also would have knocked out Jones for James McAvoy. I am sure he's wonderful in Elah but I couldn't understand him in No Country and will never ever ever forgive his wholly undeserved win over Leonardo DiCaprio.

Best Actress

Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away from Her
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno

So many fabulous nominations so little time. I am so super excited for Laura Linney and Ellen Page. Neither of them will win, I wouldn't think as this is a two horse race between Christie and Cotillard. I desperately fervently want Cotillard to win, my feelings on this are well documented. I suspect though that Christie will take the prize.

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Ruby Dee was a surprise, I must say. The only one here though. The rest are all very expected and very deserved. I would love Amy Ryan to win but Blanchett will more than likely take it.

Best Supporting Actor

Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

So Hal Holbrook scores a nomination for Into The Wild but Emile Hirsch does not? Whatthefuckever. I am torn by Casey Affleck, who deserves to win for this nomination as well as Gone Baby Gone, which he is not even nominated for. But Javier Bardem is absolutely fucking extraordinary in No Country. A true masterclass in the "less is more" school of acting, Bardem doesn't raise his voice and barely modulates his facial expression throughout and yet is so menacing, so chilling, so downright fucking terrifying that it has to be seen to be believed. The scene where he terrorises the gas station attendant ("Now is not a time, what time do you close?") made me want to hide under my seat and put my fingers in my ears.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Atonement
Away from Her
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

I have said it before and I will say it again: Atonement

Best Original Screenplay

Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
The Savages

I am so pleased to see Lars And The Real Girl represented. It won't win of course, I would imagine the Oscar here belongs to Juno.

Heath Ledger RIP

2008-01-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

I was going to post about the Oscar nominations, but the completely shocking news about Heath Ledger being found dead has derailed that. I've been a fan since Ten Things I Hate About You and was of course mesmerised by his intense performance in Brokeback Mountain. The way he handled the attention that role brought him made me respect him so much. I was really looking forward to seeing him as the Joker in The Dark Knight this summer. He was ideally cast in the role and now what should have been one of many highlights in his career will be his epitaph. So sad.

Oh it's a jolly holiday with PCB

2008-01-11T07:59:00.000-05:00

I'll be leaving in a few hours to go to the airport. Whee! Nine whole days of relaxing in the sun in Tenerife. I can't wait. Going from this

to this

for a week and a bit is not to be sniffed at. And it's funny I should mention sniffing since I have started to come down with a lovely cold and have spent the morning alternating between packing my suitcase and sneezing. Brilliant. I'm sure I'll perk up. The crazy disabled lesbian is already there, having spent a few days on La Gomera at the health retreat (where she managed to lose her room key and destroy an ornamental candle holder by, of course, setting it on fire. So business as usual then), before joining me for 9 days with my parents. It does mean 9 days of no blogging as my internet access is going to be massively limited, but I'll be back on the 21st to bore everyone with tales of sunshine and laziness.

What's in a name?

2008-01-09T16:44:00.000-05:00

I am surely not alone in finding ridiculous names absolutely hilarious. I love it when I am reading a magazine or watching a movie to catch an absolutely ludicrous laugh out loud name in the credits. My current favourite is Antonia Feduchin-Paté.

Well, I found the book that is frankly the holy grail of bonkers names. Potty, Fartwell & Knob delivers crazy name after crazier name and they are all 100% true, verified, confirmed. So I thought I would share some on the blog. They range from the sublime to the ridiculous and I thought what better way to start than with one example of each. I'll leave it up to you to decide which is which.

Ok first up:

Erasmus Bugger (Born in North Shields in 1876).

And then:

Lyonesse Matilda Dora Ida Agne Ernestine Curson Paulet Wilbraham Joyce Eugénie Bentley Saxonia Dysart Plantaganet Tollemache-Tollemache (born 1874)

Hot Guy Monday: Casey Affleck

2008-01-07T17:11:00.000-05:00

I spent some time yesterday waxing rhapsodic over Casey Affleck giving two of the best screen performances of 2007. So his appearance here today is kind of inevitable.

And if we're being a bit hair splitty about it, he's really more cute than he is hot. But still.

The 2007 Cinema Hall Of Shame

2008-01-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

1.

There were many films vying for the top spot on this list, but Next is in a class all its own. The goodwill that Nicolas Cage amassed in Leaving Las Vegas has long since run out (he's been running on empty, pretty much, since Windtalkers) and casting 12 year old Jessica Biel as his love interest is really truly the final nail in his coffin. But more pressing, what the hell is Julianne Moore doing here? Can NONE of these people read? A stupid premise, a horrible script and the worst "Bobby Ewing in the shower" cop out ending since Identity this is an embarrassment for everyone concerned.

2.

I have already had my say about this travesty.

3.

And this one.

4.

Wow, this was bad. A punishing running time (just 12 minutes shy of THREE HOURS), an incomprehensible plot that was, literally, all over the place, some horrible horrible horrible jokes and some equally poor performances. Please god there won't be another installment.

5.

A statement I could repeat here. The first installment was actually enjoyable, or at least I thought it was. I was looking forward to this sequel, the trailer was all dark and exciting and the interviews from the director leading up to the release acknowledged that the first one had its shortcomings, not least that it was pitched at slightly too young a crowd, errors that would be addressed this time around. And a lot of the reviews noted that this was an improvement on 2005's freshman effort. Well all that did was set up a Galactus sized disappointment. If anything, this film was pitched even younger, with atrocious fart gag level humour and an offensively simplistic plot. A mercifully short running time of just 92 minutes felt so so so much longer.

6.

While we're on the subject of short films that feel much longer, this little baby clocks in at a mere 86 minutes. Felt like a lifetime. How could it go so wrong? Well, let's start with Harold fucking Pinter who delivered the most inelegant, cloth eared, blunt edged travesty of a screenplay. And then move on to Branagh whose solution to shooting a two hander with one set was to have about 800 different camera angles for each scene, some of them provided by CCTV. Oooh, how up to date. Then there's the oversights like Michael Caine apparently being able to control every whizzy gizmo in his painfully modern house with the remote control that comes with the Apple iBook (there's even a close up with the Apple logo visible just to ensure there's no remaining doubt). I haven't even gotten to the performances yet. How Michael Caine has been getting away with for over 50 years now is a real mystery to me. And dear Jude Law, how you had it all for the taking after Talented Mr Ripley. And how you buggered it all up.

7.

One of two films that has received almost universal acclaim to open this year that I feel like I missed the point of (the other, which didn't make either list, is Todd Haynes's I'm Not There which I sporadically enjoyed but it is nowhere near the masterpiece it thinks it is). I should have learned my lesson after Elephant. I should have listened to my friend Lottie who warned me this film was bad. But I still went into it thinking that surely all the good reviews must count for something. Ha! A non professional cast recruited from MySpace (none of whom can actually act, something that a lot of reviewers found "endearing", while I would opt for "embarrassing" and "painful to watch"), it's frustrating that it takes what could have been an interesting film and buries it in pretentious tedious wank. Apparently, Gus Van Sant was too busy indulging himself to notice one of the worst continuity errors I have ever seen. There's big fat spoilers coming up for anyone who wants to see the movie and hasn't yet. So in the pivotal sequence where Alex causes the accidental death of the security guard, he pushes him and he falls on his back, his torso on the train tracks, his legs hanging off the tracks. The train comes along and severs him in two. In the next shot, a horrified Alex looks on as the severed top half of the guard drags itself, belly down, leaves his legs ON THE TRAIN TRACKS, as it pulls itself towards Alex. Well, he was not alone in being horrified. I was slack jawed with disbelief at just how terrible this scene was that I burst out laughing. Not the reaction Van Sant was hoping for, I'm sure.

8.

The best thing about Hannibal Lecter was that so little was known about him before he makes his first appearance in the fiction world, in Red Dragon. There were hints here and there and hopefully like all good authors, Thomas Harris knew the back story of how one of literature's most memorable monsters came to be. And really, that should have been enough. He didn't need to share it with the world, and he certainly didn't need to do it in such a poorly written piece of crap like Hannibal Rising. So it's no surprise that the inevitable film adaptation (the script was written pretty much in tandem with the novel) would also be a big pile of suck too. Harris wrote them both so he only has himself to blame. Every last drop of creativity has now been wrung out of the Lecter franchise. I hope.

9.

In which Jim Carrey took the career points he'd earned with Eternal Sunshine and pissed them up a wall, while Joel Schumacher showed once again that Tigerland really was a fluke. An initially intriguing idea, this just doesn't know where to go with it and flounders around in a quagmire of ridiculousness before finally collapsing in on itself with a laughable third act. Almost as laughable as casting the not very good Rhona Mitra, who is 32 and looks every day of it, as someone almost a decade younger than that.

10.

This sounds like it could be the most relentlessly terrifying movie ever. A bunch of vicious vampires descend on an Alaskan town and have a whole month of darkness to play with. But sadly, the terror never comes. A lack of back story for everyone except Josh Hartnett and Melissa George meant I didn't care who ended up with their claret all over the lino. More of an issue was that I found George so irritating I found myself wishing for her to find herself on the wrong end of a bloodletting. Quickfire editing continually destroyed what should have been unbearable tension until the film became just so much gore. And gore is a whole different matter. It's not scary, it's just bloody. And the ending felt tacked on out of nowhere to boot. A gigantic missed opportunity.

The 2007 Cinema Hall Of Fame

2008-01-06T04:58:00.000-05:00

1.

Aka La Vie En Rose. It is a testament to how poor a cinema year the UK experienced in 2007 that a film I have a few minor quibbles with should be my number one film. I am not certain that a chronological jumbling was a wise idea and there were a couple of other directorial flourishes that I didn't think really sat well with the film. However, said quibbles fade into nothingness when Marion Cotillard is taken into account. Her performance is absolutely extraordinary. She so embodies Piaf that it is as if there are four different actresses in the role. It's the performance of the decade, in any medium, by anybody.

2.

This was a truly unexpected treat. A distinctly American novel transported to France, adapted and directed by the guy who Virginie Ledoyen dumped in The Beach? How on earth is that going to be good? Well, it's more than good. It's a taut, gripping, atmospheric thriller which, if it were adapted from better source material, would probably have eclipsed Rose for film of the year. Unfortunately, the novel's reach somewhat exceeds its grasp and the screenplay is a little too faithful to it. Up to the overextended ending though, this film is relentless in its grip.

3.

This film has had its UK release indefinitely postponed due to similarity with the Madeleine McCann disappearance which is why I made the point of seeing it while I was on holiday in New York. One of Pajiba's twelve best films you didn't see in 2007, I echo their sentiment that is a real shame this film was so ignored. It seems poor Ben Affleck can do no right, even when he is behind the camera. Damn you, Jennifer Lopez. I really hope this has its day when it makes it to DVD because otherwise one of the best directorial debuts in recent times will have been unjustly dismissed. A great script that manages to be a crime thriller and pose difficult moral questions (refreshingly not giving an easy answer), this also has some outstanding performances in it too. Amy Ryan was critically lauded at the time and is starting to see nominations coming her way. But Casey Affleck is every bit as watchable as she is, in a fantastically understated way. Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman bring the gravitas but it's the locations and the extras that add the veritas.

4.

I am as surprised as anybody that this film made the list at all, let alone as high as it did. I think it's because I never in a million years expected the film to be any good. In fact, I was so uninterested in the movie version of the musical of the movie (apparently now called movicals) that when I sat down to watch it a few days after it opened, I realised that beyond the casting, I didn't know a damn thing about what had been altered for the stage to screen transition. It was the casting that caused my lack of interest. As soon as John Travolta was cast, I gave up hope. Well I was wrong. He is great, quite clearly having the time of his life with the role and everybody else in the cast does a bang up job too (biggest surprise? James Marsden). A joyful and life affirming film that made me weep tears of happiness. Several times.

5.

How do you make an interesting movie out of a true story that doesn't really have an ending? Well, if you watch Zodiac, you will find out. Intertwining three strands of plot, each with a strong performance at its centre (from Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr and Mark Ruffalo) ensured the film never sagged. Unflinching and unsettling recreations of the Zodiac killer's crimes made sure the audience cared as much as the characters did. Never less than engrossing, this also has the most intense and suspenseful scene of the year in it, when Jake Gyllenhaal pays a visit to someone who it turns out might just be the killer.

6.

Another unexpected treat. I really hated the book and my distaste for Keira Knightley is well documented. She's ideally cast as a brittle upper class girl though so it kind of worked. What worked far better was the elegant adaptation and the flawless direction (the rightly celebrated tracking shot on Dunkirk beach is wondrous). And it's pleasing that the supremely talented James McAvoy is being noticed, having been overshadowed by Forest Whitaker this time last year.

7.

I was not pleased when this film beat out Pan's Labyrinth for the Oscar. Well, I take that back. It's not a fun or easy film to watch but it is a riveting and sometimes unbelievable one (and of course, the parts you can't believe are all true). Telling the story of the Stasi through one target and the operative who is assigned to him made an impossibly huge story intimate and personal. Anyone who was dry eyed in the heartbreaking last few minutes has no soul.

8.

Emile Hirsch has been proving himself as one to watch for quite a while now and with this film, hopefully people will start watching (and hopefully for reasons other than the fleeting glimpse of his cock in a nude scene). The story of Chris McCandless, who rejected society to live off the map and died for it, is an endlessly fascinating one and so is the film that tells his story. Graceful direction and a refreshingly unpretentious adaptation of the book, this is another overlooked film of last year that deserves to be seen by far more people than it was.

9.

Crazy title, glorious film. As beautiful to look at as it was fascinating to watch, this film could have been the most tedious pile of shit in different hands. But somehow it works and it works well. It has a host of good performances contained in it, but there is one truly outstanding performance on show here. Casey Affleck, as the titular coward, is absolutely unfuckingbelievably amazing. I have been a fan since American Pie and pledged my undying love after seeing him on stage in This Is Our Youth in 2002. He's seriously talented and he is this film's rock and anchor. If only for him, see it.

10.

What? So I have an inner child, so what? I unashamedly and unabashedly love Disney animated movies (but not blindly. Pocahontas? Fuck off.) so when I heard about this I thought it was the best idea ever, couldn't think why it hadn't been thought of before. To make the utterly insane plot work, the performances have to be spot on. And they are. Amy Adams, James Marsden and Patrick Dempsey are all pitch perfect with how they handle their roles. The script is sweet, funny, charming and cute (but not cloying or cutesy). The big musical number in Central Park is just one of many many highlights. I loved it. I laughed, I cried. I laughed again and then cried some more.

Homosexuality Reality Checks

2008-01-03T02:58:00.000-05:00

Now, there is no denying the fact that I have a touch of the gay about me but there are moments when I am reminded in glorious technicolour. And I don't mean when I'm getting it on with another guy or watching porn or anything, but when something happens or I do something that reminds me, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am undeniably GAY.

Such a reality check happened to me just the other day. I bought the double CD of Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall and loaded it on to my iPod and was listening to it walking to and from work. When it got to the medley of "You Made Me Love You/Me & My Gal/The Trolley Song", there was something so glorious about his rendition of the latter song, that it made me get all tearful. On the street. So there I was, listening to a gay man performing the signature song of THE gay icon and it made me all weepy. And I just thought to myself, "wow you are such a FAG!"